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Jia Jiang shares his journey of overcoming the fear of rejection through a self-imposed 100-day challenge. He recalls a childhood incident of public rejection that had a significant impact on him, and his later struggles with rejection as an entrepreneur. The speaker then discusses how he embraced 'Rejection Therapy', a 30-day game of seeking out rejection to desensitize oneself to its fear and pain. His 100-day challenge included various tasks, such as borrowing money from a stranger, requesting a 'burger refill', and asking for doughnuts in the shape of Olympic rings. The speaker emphasizes learning from each experience and using the power of 'why' to turn a 'no' into a 'yes'. He also shares strategies to increase the chances of affirmative responses and gain trust. His journey culminates in him fulfilling a dream simply by asking.
How does it apply to you?
This learning could be applied in real-world scenarios where fear of rejection inhibits personal or professional growth. By facing rejection head-on and learning from it, one can overcome this fear and achieve their goals.
Applied Learning to Developer Enablement
Applying the Content to Software Development
The concepts discussed in the speaker's talk can be applied to various aspects of software development and learning within a software development organization.
- Overcoming Fear of Rejection: Software developers can face rejection in many forms, such as having their code reviewed and critiqued, or their ideas turned down. Embracing the speaker's approach to 'Rejection Therapy' can help developers become more resilient and open to feedback, ultimately improving their coding skills and ability to collaborate.
- Turning Rejection into a Learning Experience: When a proposed solution or idea is rejected, developers can ask 'why' to understand the reasons behind the decision. This can lead to new insights and learning opportunities, helping them to refine their approach and come up with better solutions in the future.
- Maximizing Chances of Getting a 'Yes': Developers often need to persuade others - be it pitching an idea to a team, or explaining a technical decision to non-technical stakeholders. The speaker's strategies, such as aligning perspectives and addressing potential doubts upfront, can help increase the chances of getting buy-in and support.
- Fulfilling Dreams by Asking: This concept can encourage developers to take initiative in their professional development. Whether it's asking for challenging assignments to grow their skills, or seeking mentorship to learn from experienced colleagues, developers can fulfill their career aspirations by proactively asking for what they want.
Developer Checklist
Overcoming Rejection
Leveraging Rejection
Summary
The Memory of Early Rejection
The speaker reminisces about an event that occurred when he was six years old. His teacher had created an exercise where students would compliment each other and then receive a gift. However, the speaker was one of the last three students who did not receive compliments, causing him to feel publicly rejected and deeply hurt, an experience that left a lasting impression on him.
Aspirations of Success
At the age of 14, the speaker was inspired by Bill Gates and aspired to build the world's largest company and buy Microsoft by the age of 25. He wrote a letter to his family outlining this ambitious goal, showing his determination and drive for success.
Journey to the United States
Two years after writing the ambitious letter, the speaker had the opportunity to move to the United States. He saw this move as the beginning of his journey to becoming an entrepreneur, as it was the country where his inspiration, Bill Gates, lived.
Struggles with Rejection
At the age of 30, the speaker found himself as a marketing manager at a Fortune 500 company, far from his entrepreneurial dreams. He describes a constant internal battle between his ambitious 14-year-old self and his fear of rejection, instilled in him at six years old. This fear of rejection even impacted him when he eventually started his own company, nearly causing him to quit after being turned down for an investment opportunity.
Overcoming Fear of Rejection
Realizing that successful entrepreneurs like Bill Gates would not quit after a single rejection, the speaker decided to become a better leader and overcome his fear of rejection. He discovered 'Rejection Therapy', a game where for 30 days, you intentionally seek out rejection in order to desensitize yourself to the pain and fear associated with it. The speaker embraced this idea in order to overcome his fear and grow as an entrepreneur.
Initiation of the Rejection Challenge
The speaker initiates a personal challenge to face rejection for 100 days. On Day One, the speaker attempts to borrow 100 dollars from a stranger, a security guard. Despite the intense fear and embarrassment experienced, the speaker notes the importance of this moment, likening it to a microcosm of his life where he would run away at the slightest hint of rejection. He resolves to stay engaged and not run away during his next attempt.
Day Two: Requesting a 'Burger Refill'
On the second day of the challenge, the speaker requests a 'burger refill' at a burger joint. Despite the rejection, he stays engaged and explains his reasoning to the cashier. He notes a decrease in the initial 'life and death' feeling of fear from his first attempt, attributing it to his decision to not run away.
Day Three: Requesting Olympic Doughnuts
The speaker's life changes on the third day of the challenge when he requests doughnuts in the shape of the Olympic rings from a Krispy Kreme shop. To his surprise, the doughnut maker takes his request seriously and makes the Olympic rings doughnuts, resulting in a viral video with over five million views on YouTube and significant media attention.
Turning Rejection into a Learning Experience
Despite the fame from the viral video, the speaker focuses on learning and personal growth. He turns the remainder of his 100-day challenge into a research project, discovering that not running away from rejection can lead to turning a 'no' into a 'yes'. The key to this is asking 'why' after being rejected.
Planting a Flower in a Stranger's Backyard
The speaker demonstrates the power of asking 'why' when he attempts to plant a flower in a stranger's backyard. When initially rejected, he asks the homeowner why, leading to a referral to the homeowner's neighbor who loves flowers. The speaker concludes that rejection often occurs not due to personal inadequacy, but because what is being offered does not fit what the other person wants.
Maximizing Chances of Getting a 'Yes'
The speaker discusses the concept of increasing the chances of affirmative responses to requests. This is done by carefully phrasing questions, as exemplified by the speaker's experience at a Starbucks where he proposed to be a 'Starbucks greeter'. Although the idea initially seemed strange, the speaker managed to get a 'yes' by acknowledging the oddity of his request, thereby aligning his perspective with that of the Starbucks manager.
Addressing Doubts to Gain Trust
The speaker elaborates on a strategy where mentioning potential doubts or concerns before making a request can help gain the trust of the listener. This approach makes the speaker appear thoughtful and considerate, thereby increasing the likelihood of a positive response.
Fulfilling Dreams by Asking
The speaker shares his personal experience of fulfilling a dream to teach by simply asking. He emphasizes that one doesn't necessarily need a high level of achievement or a specific title to do what they love. In his case, he was able to teach a college class by persistently asking professors at the University of Texas at Austin until he was given an opportunity.
Embracing Rejections
The speaker discusses the importance of embracing rejections. He cites examples of influential figures like Martin Luther King, Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Jesus Christ who faced initial and often violent rejections but did not let these define them. Instead, they defined themselves by their reactions to these rejections. The speaker then relates this to his personal journey, explaining how he transformed his fear of rejection into a gift by using it as an opportunity to teach others.
Turning Rejections into Opportunities
The speaker shares how he uses his experiences with rejection to help others overcome their fear of rejection. He uses his blog, talks, a book he published, and even technology to teach people how to turn rejections into opportunities. He encourages the audience to embrace obstacles and failures, as they could potentially become gifts.
FAQs
What event caused the speaker to feel rejection at a young age? The speaker felt rejected at a young age when he was one of the last three students who did not receive compliments during an exercise created by his teacher.
What was the speaker's ambitious goal at the age of 14? At the age of 14, the speaker aspired to build the world's largest company and buy Microsoft by the age of 25.
How did the speaker deal with his fear of rejection? The speaker decided to overcome his fear of rejection by playing 'Rejection Therapy', a game where for 30 days, you intentionally seek out rejection in order to desensitize yourself to the pain and fear associated with it.
What was the speaker's first attempt at facing rejection during his 100-day challenge? On Day One of his 100-day challenge, the speaker attempted to borrow 100 dollars from a stranger, a security guard.
What significant event happened on the third day of the speaker's challenge? On the third day of the challenge, the speaker requested doughnuts in the shape of the Olympic rings from a Krispy Kreme shop. The doughnut maker took his request seriously and made the Olympic rings doughnuts, which resulted in a viral video.
What did the speaker learn from his 100-day rejection challenge? The speaker learned that not running away from rejection can lead to turning a 'no' into a 'yes'. The key to this is asking 'why' after being rejected.
How did the speaker increase his chances of getting an affirmative response to his requests? The speaker increased his chances of getting an affirmative response by carefully phrasing his questions and by addressing potential doubts or concerns before making a request.
How did the speaker manage to fulfill his dream to teach? The speaker managed to fulfill his dream to teach by simply asking.
Do you need a high level of achievement or a specific title to do what you love? No, you don't necessarily need a high level of achievement or a specific title to do what you love. For instance, you can teach a college class by persistently asking professors until you are given an opportunity.
Why is it important to embrace rejections? Embracing rejections is important because they can define us by our reactions to them. Influential figures like Martin Luther King, Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Jesus Christ faced initial and often violent rejections but did not let these define them. Instead, they defined themselves by their reactions to these rejections.
How can one turn rejections into opportunities? One can turn rejections into opportunities by using them as a chance to teach others. This can be done through various means such as blogs, talks, books, and even technology.
Should we embrace obstacles and failures? Yes, we should embrace obstacles and failures as they could potentially become gifts.
