> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://smartjots.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Subtle Warning Signs: 850+ People Reveal the 'Harmless' Behaviors That Instantly Break Trust - URL: https://smartjots.com/harmless-habits-that-break-trust/ - Published: 2026-09-05T04:28:09.000Z - Updated: 2026-09-05T04:28:09.000Z - Description: From trivial micro-lies and weaponized teasing to premature trust affirmations, virtue signaling, and animal reactions—an exhaustive field guide to the micro-behaviors that signal deeper relational danger. - Author: Smart Jots - Tags: Life Wisdom > [View the original Reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkPsychology101/comments/1vts6qs/what%5Fharmless%5Fthing%5Finstantly%5Fmakes%5Fyou%5Fthink%5Fi/?ref=smartjots.com) Crowd-sourced trust cues # The small habits people say break their trust — and the ones the thread itself called unfair Start here ## What the thread actually said breaks trust Across all 855 captured comments the answers concentrate on a small number of behaviours: lying about things that gain nothing, gossip treated as a forecast, jokes that carry a jab, blame that never lands on the speaker, and warmth that arrives before there is any reason for it. The thread argues with itself throughout — the dog test, the changing personality and most of the appearance cues drew objections from the people replying to them — so this guide keeps the disagreement beside each pattern rather than presenting any of it as a way to judge a real person. What you will find - Lying about things that gain nothing — the thread's top answer, and the long argument underneath it - Gossip, and the reasoning people gave for treating it as a forecast - Jokes that carry a jab, and the four tests commenters used to tell teasing from contempt - Blame that never lands on the speaker, and the thread's care about not mistaking a real victim for one - The cues the thread argued with: the dog test, the changing personality, the surface markers - Why none of this is a way to assess a real person #### The top 10 from the comments Ranked by how many distinct source records support each answer, before any category browsing. 1 #### Gossip, and what it predicts 34 source recordsDiscussed **What the pattern means:** The single busiest sub-pattern in this corpus. Commenters treat talk about absent people as a forecast rather than an offence, and the reasoning arrives almost word for word from people who have never met: whoever brings you theirs will take yours elsewhere. It is reported as landing hardest when the speaker is someone the commenter has only just met. People who talk shit to me about others. You aren’t special. You aren’t an exception. Even if you think you’re friends—they talk shit about you. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Been on the receiving end of my team mates grouping together to backbite about me and make demeaning remarks, unwarranted, while simultaneously being nice to my face. My manager then had the gall to frame my introversion around them as me lacking social skills. I've already started hunting for a new job. I didn't come back to the corporate environment after a one and half year sabbatical to deal with this type of nonsense. From the replies♥ 6 Yep. Friend ship groups are for children. Adults who hang round in a social clique are always toxic. From the replies♥ 6 2 #### Where the lying came from 29 source recordsDiscussed In the book dopamine nation, a sign of addiction is unnecessary lies. It was quite interesting. Edited for clarification. dopamine nation written by Anna Lambke, a psychiatrist specialist in addiction. Highly recommend it to anyone. It’s not nerdy or boring at all. Or you can find her interviews on Youtube. From the comments♥ 103 **What the pattern means:** The largest reply cluster in the corpus is not people naming the cue but people accounting for it. Commenters with C-PTSD, autism or an abusive childhood describe small lying as something learned as protection: omission to avoid a punishment, simplification to end a conversation, a name changed to strangers. Several say they stopped only through deliberate effort, and several say the habit returns under pressure. I can confirm. I have C-PTSD and telling the truth was not safe. I’ve long since stopped that behavior, but as a child it was pretty constant to keep myself safe. Edit: spelling What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Not giving people ammunition to use against you. Not letting people.know what's important to you so it cant be ruined, broken, taken from you or ridiculed. Not letting people know youre vulnerable if you are sick or injured. Lifetime of having to cover for your abuser in public bc it will be so much worse when youre in private. Hiding small mistakes you've made because of punishment/abuse even if you rectified the mistake. Living in a situation that everything is a blame/fault issue. Reported failure♥ 8 It’s really hard to explain in one example- but personally I grew up with a mom who worked 9-5 but went to the local tavern after work. I could call her there but I stayed home alone and she passed out early always. I kinda had to figure out life while my brain was developing. Layer that over seeing your mom get beat up by her bar fly boyfriends she always let move into our house, our home was broken into/windows had broken out, ransacked everything so I was scared when I was home alone… which was all the time! I became her protector, my protector, all before 3rd grade (that’s when I have real memories from so who knows before then). I still wanted to “fit in” at school and was really ashamed of my home life as I aged…so you start leading this double life almost always on guard. I’m 47 now but I’d been living in flight or flight mode my whole life until I started unpacking some of this stuff back in 2018 ish.. Reported failure♥ 4 3 #### Surface markers people knew were unfair 25 source recordsDiscussed Being a TikTok detective and saying the husband did it because he's a gemini From the comments♥ 7 **What the pattern means:** Cues about appearance and habit whose own authors often flag them as unreasoned — tattoos, socks, shoes, fingernails, emoji use, insisting on the long form of a name. Several are stated as preferences rather than claims, one names the irrationality in the same sentence as the cue, and one is answered on the spot by a tattooed commenter. I don’t know why, and I know it’s irrational, but people wearing colored contacts or people with those auto-tinting glasses. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I don't trust grinning preachers at all. I agree that they come across as being as fake as hell. From the replies♥ 2 I cuss…it was off putting to some, especially religious people. From the replies♥ 1 4 #### The jab that lands 20 source recordsDiscussed When people take small jabs at you in jest. From the comments♥ 490 **What the pattern means:** A put-down with a joke wrapped round it, so that objecting makes you the problem. Commenters describe direction as the tell: the jab travels downward and never at someone with power over the speaker, and the same target keeps coming up. Several report the same person switching to open hostility the first time they were refused something. The people you’re doing it to won’t necessarily know that, or won’t be in the headspace to find it funny. A putdown is a putdown, a snide comment is a snide comment, and what’s privately going on inside your head when saying it doesn’t really matter. Your love language is probably considered bullying by some of the people you use it on. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I also dislike this. How do you know if it’s coming from a bad place or just friendly teasing? From the replies♥ 51 It's different when I do it. Its my love language for when I know you well. From the replies♥ 30 5 #### Eyes, smiles and the face that does not match 20 source recordsDiscussed Certain body language and eye movements. Also excessively loud people in an otherwise calm setting. From the comments♥ 30 **What the pattern means:** Expression and words arriving out of step: a smile that stops before the eyes, a stare that does not move, a face held too long in one position. Commenters describe reading it faster than they can explain it, and the group contains its own corrections — depression, autism and simply the shape of somebody's mouth are all raised as alternative explanations. If they have hard eyes. It’s hard to describe, but there are hard eyes and soft eyes. Soft eyes show emotion, they take you in with compassion and dignity. Hard eyes are flat, look at some mugshots. They show no warmth or caring. Like a poker face but with the eyes. They see you and measure you instead of recognizing your humanity. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I had an ex that was extra loud for no reason when we went out for dinner one night in a quiet restaurant. Found out they were cheating on me at the time a couple of weeks later. From the replies♥ 8 Brian Cox the scientist. His non stop smile irks me. To be fair, I think its’ just the shape of his mouth. Nobody can consciously smile that long. From the replies♥ 3 6 #### Lies about nothing at all 19 source recordsDiscussed Lying about little things that dont matter. From the comments♥ 777 **What the pattern means:** What is reported here is not the size of the lie but its pointlessness: a lie that gained the teller nothing, in front of someone who already knew the answer. Commenters treat the willingness rather than the stakes as the signal, and several say what settled it was the reaction to being checked — a joke, a condescending question — rather than the lie itself. Lying. Any kind, even harmless ones. If you're willing to lie about dumb things that don't matter, it makes me feel like I can't trust you for important things either. Intellectually, I know this isn't really a realistic measure of someone's trustworthiness since every one lies, every day, multiple times a day, but this is how I feel. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 In the book dopamine nation, a sign of addiction is unnecessary lies. It was quite interesting. Edited for clarification. dopamine nation written by Anna Lambke, a psychiatrist specialist in addiction. Highly recommend it to anyone. It’s not nerdy or boring at all. Or you can find her interviews on Youtube. From the replies♥ 103 Once in highschool this girl arrived to first period and tried to tell me that the night prior she was struck by lightning From the replies♥ 101 7 #### No accountability, and the story reversed 18 source recordsDiscussed If they don’t take accountability or if they spread unsavory rumors, then my guard is immediately up. From the comments♥ 77 **What the pattern means:** What happens once the behaviour is raised. Commenters report the complaint denied, minimised, or turned around until the person raising it is the one at fault, and more than one names the sequence outright. A related group describes a rift the person caused and then declined to repair, and one describes being told the memory itself is wrong. When you tell them you’re hurt by something they did and not only are you ignored, but you’re then gaslit and made out to be like you’re the one who did something wrong - to them. Blows my mind. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Taking accountability is a big one for me. Especially when presented with facts contrary to their behavior or words. Then they continue to DARVO. From the replies♥ 21 My mom taught me that if they’re talking about others then they’re talking about you too! From the replies♥ 3 8 #### “I’m a good person” 17 source recordsDiscussed “ I’m a good person “ l have a good heart” From the comments♥ 30 **What the pattern means:** Self-issued character references: good person, empath, nice guy, easy going, expert, kindest person you will meet — the identity offered as the evidence. Commenters describe the claim landing as a substitute for anything observable, and a few point at the inverse forms, false modesty and self-deprecation, as the same move run backwards. Uni professor, “I don’t have favorites.” She did. People tell you who they are by stating who they aren’t. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added1 A psychologist named Francesca Tighinean said “Paradoxically, the people who see themselves as the most moral or good often carry the largest repressed shadows”. From the replies♥ 7 9 #### Telling a victim from a victim mentality 16 source recordsDiscussed It's not as easy to fake genuine emotional distress as it is to verbalize it. Unfortunately, people are better actors than we give them credit for. Everyone should study narcissism. Constant victimhood is a common feature. From the comments♥ 42 **What the pattern means:** The thread's own guardrail on the answer above, and it is unusually careful. The distinctions offered are direction — working on it versus replaying it; what is wanted — being understood rather than pitied; and timing — how early the full account arrives. Several records come from people who say they were the constant victim and did not know another way to be. Someone who is a victim may unintentionally be negative or sometimes blurt out downer stuff or unintentionally often make you feel sorry for them. Someone who has a victim mindset often finds lots of things going wrong in their life, is often angry, will talk about how they were ripped off or hard done by often, not just now and then, will expect too much of people, will be disappointed easily. Feels safe or enjoys it when people feel sorry for them. Often victims would like people to understand them, but they are horrified by people feeling sorry for them or pity. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I have a communal narc in my family oh my god shes exhausting. Cant cut her off yet as noone else in my family sees any of her weirdo behaviour but Im working on removing myself From the replies♥ 17 I also tend to be . They have a long list of people, events, organizations or behaviours that they’re pissed about. From the replies♥ 8 10 #### “Can I be honest with you?” 15 source recordsDiscussed Ich kenne einen Menschen … der sofort und wiederholt gesagt hat … „wir sagen hier die Wahrheit“ „in unserem Haus wird nicht gelogen“ … wer so etwas so oft in zig Varianten sagen muss, da stimmt was für mich nicht. From the comments♥ 49 **What the pattern means:** Honesty announced as a policy rather than shown as a habit. Commenters report the phrase arriving immediately before something unkind, or used to close a question down, and describe a household or family rule about truthfulness repeated often enough to draw attention to itself. The complaint is about the announcement doing the work the conduct is supposed to do. OMG yes. I've recently (over last 2 years) encountered this phrase, "I just have to be honest" when delivering cruel words, hurtful situations, or when he feels guilty for something. That's not honesty, it's you wanting to say things to bring me down or just because you don't care how it affects me if it makes you feel better. What commenters described **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Everyone who I’ve heard say that has turned out to be a huge liar lol From the replies♥ 22 Good point. And to add to that, using the royal “we” by itself is fairly manipulative behavior. It subtly implies a hard constraint backed by a number of people without the speaker taking responsibility for the rule. Never thought of it before since it’s rare I hear this spoken out loud, but it’s kind of controlling automatically. From the replies♥ 11 49 answer cards Browse categories and subcategories - [Lying about things that did not matter](#cv-category-lying-about-things-that-did-not-matter) - [Lies about nothing at all](#rich-node-0-group-0-subgroup-0-lies-about-nothing-at-all) - [Stories that grew in the telling](#rich-node-0-group-0-subgroup-1-stories-that-grew-in-the-telling) - [Where the lying came from](#rich-node-0-group-0-subgroup-2-where-the-lying-came-from) - [Explanation, not excuse](#rich-node-0-group-0-subgroup-3-explanation-not-excuse) - [Announcing that you can be trusted](#cv-category-announcing-that-you-can-be-trusted) - [“You can trust me”, unprompted](#rich-node-0-group-1-subgroup-0-you-can-trust-me-unprompted) - [“Can I be honest with you?”](#rich-node-0-group-1-subgroup-1-can-i-be-honest-with-you) - [Advertising your own goodness](#cv-category-advertising-your-own-goodness) - [“I’m a good person”](#rich-node-0-group-2-subgroup-0-i-m-a-good-person) - [Virtue on display](#rich-node-0-group-2-subgroup-1-virtue-on-display) - [Leading with their religion](#rich-node-0-group-2-subgroup-2-leading-with-their-religion) - [Jokes that carry a jab](#cv-category-jokes-that-carry-a-jab) - [The jab that lands](#rich-node-0-group-3-subgroup-0-the-jab-that-lands) - [How commenters told teasing from contempt](#rich-node-0-group-3-subgroup-1-how-commenters-told-teasing-from-contempt) - [The people who said they do it](#rich-node-0-group-3-subgroup-2-the-people-who-said-they-do-it) - [Where banter is the local language](#rich-node-0-group-3-subgroup-3-where-banter-is-the-local-language) - [Passive aggression and the cryptic remark](#rich-node-0-group-3-subgroup-4-passive-aggression-and-the-cryptic-remark) - [Talking about people who are not there](#cv-category-talking-about-people-who-are-not-there) - [Gossip, and what it predicts](#rich-node-0-group-4-subgroup-0-gossip-and-what-it-predicts) - [Secrets that did not stay secret](#rich-node-0-group-4-subgroup-1-secrets-that-did-not-stay-secret) - [Warm to the face, cutting behind the back](#rich-node-0-group-4-subgroup-2-warm-to-the-face-cutting-behind-the-back) - [Never their fault](#cv-category-never-their-fault) - [The permanent victim](#rich-node-0-group-5-subgroup-0-the-permanent-victim) - [Telling a victim from a victim mentality](#rich-node-0-group-5-subgroup-1-telling-a-victim-from-a-victim-mentality) - [No accountability, and the story reversed](#rich-node-0-group-5-subgroup-2-no-accountability-and-the-story-reversed) - [A different person in every room](#cv-category-a-different-person-in-every-room) - [The personality that changes with the audience](#rich-node-0-group-6-subgroup-0-the-personality-that-changes-with-the-audience) - [Deference upward, contempt downward](#rich-node-0-group-6-subgroup-1-deference-upward-contempt-downward) - [The moment the mask slipped](#rich-node-0-group-6-subgroup-2-the-moment-the-mask-slipped) - [Too much, too fast](#cv-category-too-much-too-fast) - [Instant intimacy and love bombing](#rich-node-0-group-7-subgroup-0-instant-intimacy-and-love-bombing) - [Saying your name over and over](#rich-node-0-group-7-subgroup-1-saying-your-name-over-and-over) - [Oversharing in the first week](#rich-node-0-group-7-subgroup-2-oversharing-in-the-first-week) - [Charm that set off alarms](#rich-node-0-group-7-subgroup-3-charm-that-set-off-alarms) - [Name-dropping and borrowed status](#rich-node-0-group-7-subgroup-4-name-dropping-and-borrowed-status) - [Praise turned all the way up](#rich-node-0-group-7-subgroup-5-praise-turned-all-the-way-up) - [Conversations that only run one way](#cv-category-conversations-that-only-run-one-way) - [Questions that only go one way](#rich-node-0-group-8-subgroup-0-questions-that-only-go-one-way) - [Every road leads back to them](#rich-node-0-group-8-subgroup-1-every-road-leads-back-to-them) - [Talk that manages you](#rich-node-0-group-8-subgroup-2-talk-that-manages-you) - [Pressure, promises and follow-through](#cv-category-pressure-promises-and-follow-through) - [Not taking the first no](#rich-node-0-group-9-subgroup-0-not-taking-the-first-no) - [Promises that did not survive contact](#rich-node-0-group-9-subgroup-1-promises-that-did-not-survive-contact) - [Takers, and people who pull you away from others](#rich-node-0-group-9-subgroup-2-takers-and-people-who-pull-you-away-from-others) - [What they do when it does not count](#cv-category-what-they-do-when-it-does-not-count) - [How they treat staff and strangers](#rich-node-0-group-10-subgroup-0-how-they-treat-staff-and-strangers) - [Carts, litter and the drive home](#rich-node-0-group-10-subgroup-1-carts-litter-and-the-drive-home) - [Animals, children and people who cannot push back](#rich-node-0-group-10-subgroup-2-animals-children-and-people-who-cannot-push-back) - [The animal test](#cv-category-the-animal-test) - [When a dog did not like them](#rich-node-0-group-11-subgroup-0-when-a-dog-did-not-like-them) - [People who do not like animals](#rich-node-0-group-11-subgroup-1-people-who-do-not-like-animals) - [The commenters who pushed back on the dog test](#rich-node-0-group-11-subgroup-2-the-commenters-who-pushed-back-on-the-dog-test) - [Reading the body instead of the words](#cv-category-reading-the-body-instead-of-the-words) - [Eyes, smiles and the face that does not match](#rich-node-0-group-12-subgroup-0-eyes-smiles-and-the-face-that-does-not-match) - [Handshakes and physical tells](#rich-node-0-group-12-subgroup-1-handshakes-and-physical-tells) - [Gut feeling and “energy”](#rich-node-0-group-12-subgroup-2-gut-feeling-and-energy) - [What the thread admitted about itself](#cv-category-what-the-thread-admitted-about-itself) - [Surface markers people knew were unfair](#rich-node-0-group-13-subgroup-0-surface-markers-people-knew-were-unfair) - [Politics, flags and group markers](#rich-node-0-group-13-subgroup-1-politics-flags-and-group-markers) - [“I don’t trust anyone anyway”](#rich-node-0-group-13-subgroup-2-i-don-t-trust-anyone-anyway) - [Cowardice and folding under pressure](#cv-category-cowardice-and-folding-under-pressure) - [“You cannot trust a coward”](#rich-node-0-group-14-subgroup-0-you-cannot-trust-a-coward) - [Fear is not the same as cowardice](#rich-node-0-group-14-subgroup-1-fear-is-not-the-same-as-cowardice) **Evidence status:** Lying about things that did not matter71 records · 4 sub-topicsThe thread's top answer, and the long argument underneath it about why people do it. 71 records. Lies about nothing at all19 index entriesA lie with nothing riding on it, told anyway. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Lies about nothing at all Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Lies about nothing at all 19 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 321 **Appears when:** Lies about nothing at all **What the pattern means:** What is reported here is not the size of the lie but its pointlessness: a lie that gained the teller nothing, in front of someone who already knew the answer. Commenters treat the willingness rather than the stakes as the signal, and several say what settled it was the reaction to being checked — a joke, a condescending question — rather than the lie itself. **What commenters described:** Lying. Any kind, even harmless ones. If you're willing to lie about dumb things that don't matter, it makes me feel like I can't trust you for important things either. Intellectually, I know this isn't really a realistic measure of someone's trustworthiness since every one lies, every day, multiple times a day, but this is how I feel. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 In the book dopamine nation, a sign of addiction is unnecessary lies. It was quite interesting. Edited for clarification. dopamine nation written by Anna Lambke, a psychiatrist specialist in addiction. Highly recommend it to anyone. It’s not nerdy or boring at all. Or you can find her interviews on Youtube. From the replies♥ 103 Once in highschool this girl arrived to first period and tried to tell me that the night prior she was struck by lightning From the replies♥ 101 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Lying about little things that dont matter. source record 0♥ 777 Later-arriving source Literally this but I see any type of lying as a really big deal and breaks my trust completely posted about 31.2 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source There are some people who are wired to lie. It is natural to them to lie. They lie about anything. They lie when there is no need to. They lie with great ease. They know they will not keep an appointment but they make it anyway. They are smiling and their eyes are shining as they make it. posted about 20.6 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “things that dont” recurs across 3 of the 19 source records in Lies about nothing at all; the complete archive stays available below. 19index entries 19distinct source records 26.8%of parent category 3.3%of the complete index 9top-level comments 10replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 4asks a question 0says they intend to try it 15other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments19 preserved records · 19 of 19 source records accounted for **Lying about little things that dont matter.**♥ 777source record 0 **And then when you check them, they say they just wanted to spice up the story, no harm in it right. Eventually you realize how manipulative they are and those little lies were just peak of an iceberg**♥ 17source record 56 **I once checked someone who I kept catching in lies, and they asked me if I was “ok” in a condescending way… I cut them off shortly after. I hate a manipulative liar**♥ 2source record 57 **I think I need to do some self examination, because I do this (and I had a good childhood) but like the other day at the store, the deli clerk accidentally rung up my turkey at $39.99, but when I told my friends, I turned the number into $399.00 for no reason, the first number was funny enough, and when I blurted out the new number, I actually caught myself and said (to myself) why would I do that? Now I have to remember a new number if I ever tell this story again!**♥ 2source record 58 **This is a huge one for me 😭 and sometimes they will lie or an exaggerate a story right in front of you when you were there and knew what happened! So weird**♥ 14source record 59 **Why do people do this?! Like I didn’t even ask or care and you’re lying all over the place.**♥ 3source record 68 **When you heard them lie before and catch them in another lie.**♥ 12source record 316 **Lying. Any kind, even harmless ones. If you're willing to lie about dumb things that don't matter, it makes me feel like I can't trust you for important things either. Intellectually, I know this isn't really a realistic measure of someone's trustworthiness since every one lies, every day, multiple times a day, but this is how I feel.**♥ 11source record 321 **A lie that has no logic behind it. Like you can’t follow the logic that led them to even lie about that. Or when they ask you to hide/cover up really insignificant things that hold seemingly no weight.**♥ 5source record 354 **White lies towards me specifically, an example would be "I'm fine" when their body communicates pain, typically hides a rejection-sensitive mindset behind authenticity avoidance and I don't need that influence in my life**♥ 10source record 363 **People who never admit fault for anything. Especially small mistakes that are meaningless, why lie about such small stupid things? Because now i wont trust them with things that matter.**♥ 4source record 376 **And then joking about it when you call them out in it**♥ 1source record 491 **Oh man my husband does that all the time. Withholding details and lying**♥ 1source record 496 **Always leads to bigger lies…they’re testing the waters…**♥ 1source record 506 **Literally this but I see any type of lying as a really big deal and breaks my trust completely**♥ 1source record 508 **Lies, theft. Deception.**♥ 1source record 600 **There are some people who are wired to lie. It is natural to them to lie. They lie about anything. They lie when there is no need to. They lie with great ease. They know they will not keep an appointment but they make it anyway. They are smiling and their eyes are shining as they make it.**♥ 1source record 687 **Lying about little things, things that don't really matter. If someone's go-to is to say whatever will make them look better instead of the truth, I wouldn't trust them. They're almost certainly willing to lie about whatever else, betray you etc.**♥ 1source record 698 **This is it. End of discussion. You can actually start to read their internal process when you ask a simple question. Often they pause a half second before responding.**♥ 1source record 815 Archive: 19 index entries preserve 19 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Stories that grew in the telling13 index entriesAccounts that kept expanding until nobody could check them. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Stories that grew in the telling Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Stories that grew in the telling 13 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 38 **Appears when:** Stories that grew in the telling **What the pattern means:** A different shape from the pointless lie: an account that keeps expanding past anything anyone could verify. The records describe serial embellishment — a story enlarged in front of the person who was there, a colleague whose relatives kept dying, a partner whose qualifications turned out to be invented — and the reported effect is that nothing the person says afterwards can be taken at face value. **What commenters described:** Once in highschool this girl arrived to first period and tried to tell me that the night prior she was struck by lightning **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Had a coworker call in saying he died the night before but will be in tomorrow From the replies♥ 54 Wtf were they really drunk and just completely out of their skull? From the replies♥ 22 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Once in highschool this girl arrived to first period and tried to tell me that the night prior she was struck by lightning source record 38♥ 101 Later-arriving source My ex started to tell me things that she had been lying about for years. It was always years removed from the lie itself. - eg lying about her qualifications (which didn't matter to me), including to her employers Most of the time there were a million half truths and non answers. Couldn't answer a straight question to save her life. If you asked her a number between 1 and 10 you would probably get 'red' as a response. posted about 33.0 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source I have a young friend constantly chopping and changing stories about her life experiences. I'm twice their age but still 'shes done more. I've learned it's a trait she adapted to fit in, but find it most challenging when the stories keep changing. posted about 15.1 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “the people who” recurs across 2 of the 13 source records in Stories that grew in the telling; the complete archive stays available below. 13index entries 13distinct source records 18.3%of parent category 2.3%of the complete index 3top-level comments 10replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 12other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments13 preserved records · 13 of 13 source records accounted for **Once in highschool this girl arrived to first period and tried to tell me that the night prior she was struck by lightning**♥ 101source record 38 **Had a coworker call in saying he died the night before but will be in tomorrow**♥ 54source record 39 **FR, I had a coworker years ago call in because: numerous times her grandparents and other assorted family members died. she had rectal bleeding. her lives in aunt got her toe stuck in the faucet of the tub and another time fell down the stairs. she got food poisoning numerous times, sometimes on her lunch hour and couldn't return! more rectal bleeding! went out on her lunch hour and couldn't return because her tire caught on fire. And my personal favorite, there was an active shooter in the neighborhood and the cops had to use her house as a stake out. If you're wondering why she wasn't fired it's because we worked for the county and had a union. She'd get written up, but made sure it didn't happen too much within a certain time frame. Your tax dollars at work. There's lots more call in excuses, but you get the idea..**♥ 23source record 42 **Forgot that one, his grandma died 3 or 4 times, must be genetic**♥ 2source record 43 **I have a family member that's in her 40's and she tells everyone she's been struck by lighting twice. 😆**♥ 5source record 50 **Had a coworker that literally lied about every single thing. Really disturbing, like a completely made up world she lived in.**♥ 7source record 339 **I was playing 21 with my ex because he wanted to do something together, so I complied. He lied about beating me as he didn't truthfully say his card number. There was nothing to be lost or gained. I'm not a sore loser, so I guess that's what he was going for? Idk, it was really hard to trust him after that.**♥ 3source record 388 **people who tell too much stories about themselves. it's always 1% the truth**♥ 3source record 401 **I have a young friend constantly chopping and changing stories about her life experiences. I'm twice their age but still 'shes done more. I've learned it's a trait she adapted to fit in, but find it most challenging when the stories keep changing.**♥ 1source record 499 **I have no idea but it’s so off putting. I’ve noticed the people who do this tend to be attention seeking in a comical way and/or want to have a certain image. So I start to get skeptical about anything outrageous or extremely impressive thing they tell me about.**♥ 4source record 524 **My friend told me this after she had lied to her boyfriend and told him i was telling her he was with all these other girls. The next morning i wake up to a screenshot that her boyfriend texting her saying he’s never seen her act like this, i did them so dirty by lying abt that and all their issues that night were basically bc of me. I woke up feeling immense guilt for something i didn’t do and told her to tell him i didn’t say that bc i had woken up feeling so bad and i hadnt even said ANYTHING remotely close to him being w other girls. She was like oh i did, dont worry. We had hung out 2 days after that, when i was making an effort to still kinda talk to her but after that i kinda had stopped bc that night just showed me she prioritized starting issues w her boyfriend than our friendship. Well she also kinda stopped answering too lol and im pretty sure its bc her boyfriend told her he didnt want to be friends w me and she obliged, he unfollowed me on socials but still follows her friends she talks crap on all the time so it just told me what i needed to know. But ofc when she was like ‘no it fine, you guys are good dont worry abt it’ it was obviously a lie. And i should’ve texted her boyfriend screenshots of messages we have that she deletes so he doesn’t see them but i choose my own peace**♥ 1source record 536 **My ex started to tell me things that she had been lying about for years. It was always years removed from the lie itself. - eg lying about her qualifications (which didn't matter to me), including to her employers Most of the time there were a million half truths and non answers. Couldn't answer a straight question to save her life. If you asked her a number between 1 and 10 you would probably get 'red' as a response.**♥ 1source record 553 **Idk I don’t really exaggerate in that way. Also if they exaggerate a story that you were present for right in front of you imagine the ones you weren’t there for 🥴 And it’s always the people who claim the most darnedest things happen to them. I just see it as attention seeking idk maybe I’m being too rigid**♥ 1source record 784 Archive: 13 index entries preserve 13 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Where the lying came from29 index entriesCommenters describing their own small lies as something learned young, under pressure. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Where the lying came from Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Where the lying came from 29 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 9 **Appears when:** Where the lying came from **What the pattern means:** The largest reply cluster in the corpus is not people naming the cue but people accounting for it. Commenters with C-PTSD, autism or an abusive childhood describe small lying as something learned as protection: omission to avoid a punishment, simplification to end a conversation, a name changed to strangers. Several say they stopped only through deliberate effort, and several say the habit returns under pressure. **What commenters described:** I can confirm. I have C-PTSD and telling the truth was not safe. I’ve long since stopped that behavior, but as a child it was pretty constant to keep myself safe. Edit: spelling **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Not giving people ammunition to use against you. Not letting people.know what's important to you so it cant be ruined, broken, taken from you or ridiculed. Not letting people know youre vulnerable if you are sick or injured. Lifetime of having to cover for your abuser in public bc it will be so much worse when youre in private. Hiding small mistakes you've made because of punishment/abuse even if you rectified the mistake. Living in a situation that everything is a blame/fault issue. Reported failure♥ 8 It’s really hard to explain in one example- but personally I grew up with a mom who worked 9-5 but went to the local tavern after work. I could call her there but I stayed home alone and she passed out early always. I kinda had to figure out life while my brain was developing. Layer that over seeing your mom get beat up by her bar fly boyfriends she always let move into our house, our home was broken into/windows had broken out, ransacked everything so I was scared when I was home alone… which was all the time! I became her protector, my protector, all before 3rd grade (that’s when I have real memories from so who knows before then). I still wanted to “fit in” at school and was really ashamed of my home life as I aged…so you start leading this double life almost always on guard. I’m 47 now but I’d been living in flight or flight mode my whole life until I started unpacking some of this stuff back in 2018 ish.. Reported failure♥ 4 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source In the book dopamine nation, a sign of addiction is unnecessary lies. It was quite interesting. Edited for clarification. dopamine nation written by Anna Lambke, a psychiatrist specialist in addiction. Highly recommend it to anyone. It’s not nerdy or boring at all. Or you can find her interviews on Youtube. source record 1♥ 103 Later-arriving source It's painfully easy to slip back into the habit, but I have to remind myself it is as you say, it's a survival tactic. I often want to do it most when I know I have made a mistake at work, nothing catastrophic, but my head automatically lapses into "must make up a good story to absolve myself or they'll be angry." I'm sorry you had to deal with it, esp from a parent, that's basically an inescapable position for a child and completely understandable. posted about 41.6 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Wow. I’ve literally told people I used to be a pathological liar … I had no idea CPTSD is related. Just wow. posted about 30.6 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Across 29 source records, the most common observable tactic structure is “Attach it to an existing routine” (2 records). This is a wording pattern, not a measured outcome. 29index entries 29distinct source records 40.8%of parent category 5%of the complete index 0top-level comments 29replies #### What commenters explicitly report 2explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 26other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. #### Observable tactic structures Attach it to an existing routine **2** Counts show source records whose wording matches the tactic structure; biological explanations remain commenter claims unless separately checked below. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments29 preserved records · 29 of 29 source records accounted for **In the book dopamine nation, a sign of addiction is unnecessary lies. It was quite interesting. Edited for clarification. dopamine nation written by Anna Lambke, a psychiatrist specialist in addiction. Highly recommend it to anyone. It’s not nerdy or boring at all. Or you can find her interviews on Youtube.**♥ 103source record 1 **Unnecessary lying is seen in people with C-PTSD**♥ 51source record 8 **I can confirm. I have C-PTSD and telling the truth was not safe. I’ve long since stopped that behavior, but as a child it was pretty constant to keep myself safe. Edit: spelling**♥ 43source record 9 **I can confirm as well, being a child and not knowing if telling the truth or lying to avoid the consequence was worse. It was going to be very bad either way. I only learned that the truth was always the right thing to do after I was taken out of that world.**♥ 16source record 10 **Same. It's not me just making up ridiculous stories about this or that. It was more or less a survival technique that I did without thinking in order to protect myself.**♥ 9source record 11 **Amen, sad thing was I was so good at it….triple down on what lie you tell til proven otherwise…makes them question themselves**♥ 5source record 12 **Anything that I was terrified my Narc Mum would hold against me. It was mostly her that I lied too out of survival. Other things were anything that I thought would put me in a bad light, but later figured out that everyone makes mistakes and it’s ok.**♥ 4source record 14 **Seconding this, also have C-PTSD. For a long time as a kid/teen I would just make up the most ridiculous stories. Change my name if I met other kids who were strangers, silly stuff. I stopped it before I became an adult, but it was with a lot of conscious effort.**♥ 3source record 15 **Glad you were able to change. My lying was out of survival. The truth also didn’t matter. My Mum would decided what the truth was and that was it. I mostly tried to stay under the radar.**♥ 6source record 16 **I have a friend who is a compulsive liar, but she is aware of it and hates it. But I guess it started in early childhood because she was made fun of so much for being poor and dirty that she just started lying to try to make them stop.**♥ 8source record 18 **Add autism to cptsd. I used to white lie in order to stay safe and mask, but it wore on my mental health and I always felt guilt or shame for it. Lying is already hard because of the intense moral code autistics have, but a lot who are unaware of what's going on will continue lying for safety and ultimately drain themselves. Getting both diagnosises helped me understand what was happening and stop doing it. I feel much lighter now being my authentic self.**♥ 5source record 19 **Attempt to control situations so they don’t erupt into harm**♥ 27source record 22 **If it's caused by child abuse or childhood bullying, it's a protection mechanism. If the abuser attacks the liar for something s/he lied about, they haven't touched the liar. They're criticizing something that didn't happen. The truth is untouched. The liar is safe.**♥ 21source record 23 **It’s really hard to explain in one example- but personally I grew up with a mom who worked 9-5 but went to the local tavern after work. I could call her there but I stayed home alone and she passed out early always. I kinda had to figure out life while my brain was developing. Layer that over seeing your mom get beat up by her bar fly boyfriends she always let move into our house, our home was broken into/windows had broken out, ransacked everything so I was scared when I was home alone… which was all the time! I became her protector, my protector, all before 3rd grade (that’s when I have real memories from so who knows before then). I still wanted to “fit in” at school and was really ashamed of my home life as I aged…so you start leading this double life almost always on guard. I’m 47 now but I’d been living in flight or flight mode my whole life until I started unpacking some of this stuff back in 2018 ish..**♥ 4source record 25 **Not giving people ammunition to use against you. Not letting people.know what's important to you so it cant be ruined, broken, taken from you or ridiculed. Not letting people know youre vulnerable if you are sick or injured. Lifetime of having to cover for your abuser in public bc it will be so much worse when youre in private. Hiding small mistakes you've made because of punishment/abuse even if you rectified the mistake. Living in a situation that everything is a blame/fault issue.**♥ 8source record 27 **For me it’s all about safety. I can’t tell people real things about myself like about my relationships home life even what I enjoy doing or what I am pursuing goal wise because I’ve literally had crazy people try to keep me from having joy in life so I trust no one and have to vet everyone over time.**♥ 3source record 30 **Because I always feel like I’m being judged in a negative manner. I am terrified if I get pulled over for speeding I am going to find out I have a warrant even though I’ve not done anything illegal. Every small insignificant thing seems like a huge deal so we don’t openly admit to anything. I’ve obviously worked through so much of this by now (just a little white lie). lol**♥ 9source record 34 **Basically, it's being overly anxious that any small detail about yourself can turn harmful. Like some butterfly effect. Or that unfavourable opinions made of you will lead to abandonment or hostility**♥ 10source record 35 **I have C-PTSD and I definitely lie unintentionally if I'm trying to recall details and I become stressed. I have severe memory issues so my stories have gaps and inconsistencies. But that's just how my brain works. I have to deal with my spotty memory 24/7, so I expect at least a little understanding from people who know me, who only have to deal with it for the duration of the conversation.**♥ 2source record 37 **Eh, that could be a lifetime of abuse and having to hide even innocent things. Like saving money so someone else doesnt spend it. Reading books. Drawing. If nobody knows what's important to you, they cant ruin it, destroy it, or take it. Depends on what they are lying about.**♥ 23source record 53 **Oh my god I never realized that's why I hide so many of the things I love from people, but it makes sense now that I think about it.**♥ 6source record 55 **I lie about little things but its because I'm autistic and I found out very quickly ppl don't actually give a fuck about the story. For example I might tell people I have Tourette’s because that's easier for them to understand then going: I have verbal and Motor tics I cannot control. They are painful. No I don't have torettes. I just have a slight ticking problem and no there is nothing I can do other than take my meds. Or say "Im wicca" because that's somthing very similar to mu religion then trying to explain my Wiccan adjacent religion no I'm technically not Wiccan yes my culture takes alot of Wiccan practices. No I don't worship the devil. Yes I- Vs "Im Wiccan" "Oh." The biggest lie i tell is "My parents are dead" Because saying "I don't speak to my parents anymore because they were very abusive" "You only get one set of parents." "Yep. Im aware." "Maybe if you had been a bwtter child you know? Like you gotta understand its not easy being a parent" Vs "Yeah my parents are dead." "Oh jeez I'm sorry." "Its fine." Idk I know i lie alot but I find most people really don't want all the details and simplifying things really gets the point across without the whole detail thing. Kinda like how I lie and tell my boss "Im sick" when really I just needed a mental health day**♥ 35source record 60 **Makes sense. I tell people I’m from a bigger city that they’ve heard of rather than the suburb that I’m actually from that’s about 20 minutes away from the popular city that they’ve heard of. It’s just easier! So I get it!**♥ 3source record 63 **Yeah same. Cause when I named my home town there like "huh...where" like bro this could have been a 2 minute interaction and now I've spent 8 minutes trying to show you my hometown that isn't even really on a map**♥ 2source record 64 **Because of the way that omitting information can sometimes feel like being untruthful to a lot of individuals with autism. The interesting thing is that sometimes even accidental or unintentional omission of detail feels like lying. Hence the autistic compulsion to info-dump.**♥ 3source record 67 **Wow. I’ve literally told people I used to be a pathological liar … I had no idea CPTSD is related. Just wow.**♥ 1source record 548 **You like getting beaten for any number of completely legitimate comments or concerns or displaying the non proper emotion for the time and place and people present. Oh and the fact your parents train you to lie. Example can be you never let people outside the family into the business of the family you bring it to them so lies begins both ways to the world and yourself. Because you must lie to the teacher and especially when your parents ask what's wrong you better come up with some non descript reason that allows them ambiguous freedom to distance themselves from the pain in front of them and then you have to reassure them. It's a foundation of lies.**♥ 1source record 558 **We’ll all be damned. My wife has CPTSD and she lies about the dumbest stuff. Also she avoids all decision making and treats simplest questions like trick questions. After 22 years married I am exhausted by it. Can’t tell if she is a covert narcissist. Don’t think so given the amount of therapists over years. Then again she has spent most of the time trying to convince everyone that she’s just fine and it’s everything else. She shuts down when it comes to childhood talk. Idk why I am continuing to go on and on. Validation I guess. It’s like a weird impulse she has and won’t back down. If I call her out she doubles down**♥ 1source record 571 **It's painfully easy to slip back into the habit, but I have to remind myself it is as you say, it's a survival tactic. I often want to do it most when I know I have made a mistake at work, nothing catastrophic, but my head automatically lapses into "must make up a good story to absolve myself or they'll be angry." I'm sorry you had to deal with it, esp from a parent, that's basically an inescapable position for a child and completely understandable.**♥ 1source record 790 Archive: 29 index entries preserve 29 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Explanation, not excuse10 index entriesThe thread arguing over whether a reason for the behaviour changes what it costs. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Explanation, not excuse Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Explanation, not excuse 10 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 32 **Appears when:** Explanation, not excuse **What the pattern means:** The thread's own argument about whether the accounts above change anything. One side holds that a reason is not a permission and that the behaviour still costs the people around it; the other that an explanation is precisely what makes change possible. A parallel disagreement runs underneath about where hyperbole for the sake of a story ends and inventing detail begins. **What commenters described:** It’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation. It’s behaviour that once the person gets treated is able to change as it can be harmful **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Spoken by someone who almost certainly has not got a serious chronic brain injury also know as mental health problem. Yeah a broken leg is no excuse for a limp- I see your argument Reported failure♥ 1 Spoken by someone who almost certainly has not got a serious chronic brain injury also know as mental health problem. Yeah a broken leg is no excuse for a limp- I see your argument Reported failure♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Those aren’t really lies, though. They’re just oversimplifications, which can feel like lying if you’re autistic. I guess some of them do border on outright lies, but I still think that if we expand the constraints of verbal communication a bit, in each instance you are conveying a truth about a situation. You’re just not expanding on every detail because, as you pointed out…people aren’t usually interested in all of that. It’s okay though. source record 61♥ 22 Later-arriving source Spoken by someone who almost certainly has not got a serious chronic brain injury also know as mental health problem. Yeah a broken leg is no excuse for a limp- I see your argument posted about 32.3 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source I don’t think it makes it any more understandable. Mental health is a reason not an excuse, and people need to take accountability for their behaviour regardless. posted about 21.5 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show This report keeps all 10 source records for Explanation, not excuse together and surfaces traceable examples without converting anecdotes into proof. 10index entries 10distinct source records 14.1%of parent category 1.7%of the complete index 0top-level comments 10replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 0asks a question 0says they intend to try it 10other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments10 preserved records · 10 of 10 source records accounted for **Yep, and unnecessary lying is harmful. I have suffered from C-PTSD, and don't believe we should use diagnosis to excuse it. It is the reddest flag there is safe for outright violence/assault/bullying.**♥ 3source record 31 **It’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation. It’s behaviour that once the person gets treated is able to change as it can be harmful**♥ 2source record 32 **Those aren’t really lies, though. They’re just oversimplifications, which can feel like lying if you’re autistic. I guess some of them do border on outright lies, but I still think that if we expand the constraints of verbal communication a bit, in each instance you are conveying a truth about a situation. You’re just not expanding on every detail because, as you pointed out…people aren’t usually interested in all of that. It’s okay though.**♥ 22source record 61 **"Little things that don't matter" is key in this. Sometimes I see why people lie. It still riles me, but as I was saying to a friend "in that situation, I can sort of understand". When it is for something totally inconsequential, though, seriously, why.**♥ 1source record 503 **I don't consider this lying. Idk exaggerating for the content of the story is really normal. If someone is asking a direct question and you blatantly lie that is way different, imo.**♥ 3source record 525 **There's a difference between exaggerating or using hyperbole for dramatic effect and straight up creating details wholesale.**♥ 3source record 526 **I don’t think it makes it any more understandable. Mental health is a reason not an excuse, and people need to take accountability for their behaviour regardless.**♥ 1source record 538 **It’s an explanation and not an excuse, and I do think when people get access to the right treatment they can stop doing it as it’s harmful behaviour. I find it helps to understand why some people may do it. There are some people who use it for malicious purposes.**♥ 2source record 539 **Spoken by someone who almost certainly has not got a serious chronic brain injury also know as mental health problem. Yeah a broken leg is no excuse for a limp- I see your argument**♥ 1source record 540 **Sometimes I just don't want to get it into it. It's not always appropriate and almost no one is equipped emotionally to provide support for the truth.**♥ 1source record 816 Archive: 10 index entries preserve 10 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Announcing that you can be trusted28 records · 2 sub-topicsVolunteering your own trustworthiness before anyone doubted it. 28 records. “You can trust me”, unprompted13 index entriesReassurance offered before anyone asked for it. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: “You can trust me”, unprompted Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### “You can trust me”, unprompted 13 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 154 **Appears when:** “You can trust me”, unprompted **What the pattern means:** The reported trigger is that the reassurance was unsolicited — nobody had raised the question until the speaker did. The records carry the same reversal in several forms: a first date repeating that you are safe, a passenger volunteering that they are not dangerous, an offer of secrecy nobody asked for. Commenters read it as a claim on trust made in place of earning it. **What commenters described:** Such a red flag especially when you’ve just met them. They feel entitled to your trust despite having never done anything to earn it. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 And the other variation: Don’t worry about it. When trying to get to an agreement and my question gets answered with this line it instantly sends shivers down my back. I convinced myself that when anybody feels like saying this it’s a sign to actually start worrying. From the replies♥ 46 Especially when you just met them and they talk to you like you're an old buddy. My red flags go up when that happens. From the replies♥ 20 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source When they say "you know you can trust me, right?" source record 143♥ 329 Later-arriving source Saying “you can trust me” without a prompt. Like, I wasn’t thinking about it before, but I am now. posted about 42.4 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Such a red flag especially when you’ve just met them. They feel entitled to your trust despite having never done anything to earn it. posted about 34.6 hours after the source♥ 2 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “say you can trust” recurs across 2 of the 13 source records in “You can trust me”, unprompted; the complete archive stays available below. 13index entries 13distinct source records 46.4%of parent category 2.3%of the complete index 10top-level comments 3replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 3asks a question 0says they intend to try it 10other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments13 preserved records · 13 of 13 source records accounted for **When you're on a first date and they keep repeating statements like "you're safe with me" uhhh I wasn't concerned before about that but I am now!**♥ 120source record 140 **I (F) gave an employee (M) a lift once because he got held back at work, missed his bus and had an appointment. When he got in he said ‘don’t worry I’m not a rapist or murderer or anything’ My car suddenly felt very small and I couldn’t wait for him to get out**♥ 12source record 142 **When they say "you know you can trust me, right?"**♥ 329source record 143 **My mother says this and she is the biggest gossiper…. I’ve never met another soul on this planet that gossips like my mother does.**♥ 2source record 151 **Such a red flag especially when you’ve just met them. They feel entitled to your trust despite having never done anything to earn it.**♥ 2source record 154 **Saying “I won’t tell anyone” unprovoked. 9/10 they immediately tell people.**♥ 48source record 262 **When a person says “you don’t need to be worried that I’m hanging out with your partner” well i wasn’t, until you said that**♥ 13source record 310 **People who will say things like “I never want to lie to you, so…” without ever having been accused of lying, etc... it’s like they’re telling on themselves that they do and will lie**♥ 6source record 337 **If they say “You can trust me” Instantly written off.**♥ 3source record 396 **People who say, “You can trust me.”**♥ 3source record 400 **“Trust me”. That phrase immediately makes me not trust them lol**♥ 2source record 446 **Anyone who says “you can trust me” is out immediately.**♥ 3source record 454 **Saying “you can trust me” without a prompt. Like, I wasn’t thinking about it before, but I am now.**♥ 1source record 778 Archive: 13 index entries preserve 13 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs “Can I be honest with you?”15 index entriesHonesty announced as a policy rather than shown as a habit. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: “Can I be honest with you?” Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### “Can I be honest with you?” 15 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 296 **Appears when:** “Can I be honest with you?” **What the pattern means:** Honesty announced as a policy rather than shown as a habit. Commenters report the phrase arriving immediately before something unkind, or used to close a question down, and describe a household or family rule about truthfulness repeated often enough to draw attention to itself. The complaint is about the announcement doing the work the conduct is supposed to do. **What commenters described:** OMG yes. I've recently (over last 2 years) encountered this phrase, "I just have to be honest" when delivering cruel words, hurtful situations, or when he feels guilty for something. That's not honesty, it's you wanting to say things to bring me down or just because you don't care how it affects me if it makes you feel better. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Everyone who I’ve heard say that has turned out to be a huge liar lol From the replies♥ 22 Good point. And to add to that, using the royal “we” by itself is fairly manipulative behavior. It subtly implies a hard constraint backed by a number of people without the speaker taking responsibility for the rule. Never thought of it before since it’s rare I hear this spoken out loud, but it’s kind of controlling automatically. From the replies♥ 11 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Ich kenne einen Menschen … der sofort und wiederholt gesagt hat … „wir sagen hier die Wahrheit“ „in unserem Haus wird nicht gelogen“ … wer so etwas so oft in zig Varianten sagen muss, da stimmt was für mich nicht. source record 291♥ 49 Later-arriving source When they’re telling you a story and preface with “this is a true story” posted about 31.6 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source People who keep saying stuff like, I do what I say and I say what I do… posted about 18.6 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 15 source records, 3 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 15index entries 15distinct source records 53.6%of parent category 2.6%of the complete index 7top-level comments 8replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 3asks a question 0says they intend to try it 12other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments15 preserved records · 15 of 15 source records accounted for **And the other variation: Don’t worry about it. When trying to get to an agreement and my question gets answered with this line it instantly sends shivers down my back. I convinced myself that when anybody feels like saying this it’s a sign to actually start worrying.**♥ 46source record 144 **My reply is always “ but I am fuckin worried about it ! “ I hate when people do that. Dismissing another’s concern. And as you say, when you hear that , you usually need to start worrying.**♥ 6source record 145 **Ich kenne einen Menschen … der sofort und wiederholt gesagt hat … „wir sagen hier die Wahrheit“ „in unserem Haus wird nicht gelogen“ … wer so etwas so oft in zig Varianten sagen muss, da stimmt was für mich nicht.**♥ 49source record 291 **Everyone who I’ve heard say that has turned out to be a huge liar lol**♥ 22source record 292 **Facts, I had a long relationship with someone who kept repeating this statement. Lots of lies came out over the course of that relationship.**♥ 3source record 293 **Good point. And to add to that, using the royal “we” by itself is fairly manipulative behavior. It subtly implies a hard constraint backed by a number of people without the speaker taking responsibility for the rule. Never thought of it before since it’s rare I hear this spoken out loud, but it’s kind of controlling automatically.**♥ 11source record 294 **OMG yes. I've recently (over last 2 years) encountered this phrase, "I just have to be honest" when delivering cruel words, hurtful situations, or when he feels guilty for something. That's not honesty, it's you wanting to say things to bring me down or just because you don't care how it affects me if it makes you feel better.**♥ 3source record 296 **The only people I 've known who say emphatically that they are incapable of lying or always tell the truth are people who I have personally witnessed being deceptive. I do get the idea of wanting to be considered trustworthy but I know plenty of people that I trust who don't go overboard like that. They just are, they don't have to announce it to everyone and try to "protest too much."**♥ 2source record 297 **When they ask if they can be Honest with me**♥ 15source record 301 **When they say “Can I be honest with you?” I usually respond with “Well, it’s about damn time!”**♥ 2source record 409 **Cuando te dicen "en serio" para que les creas.**♥ 1source record 584 **People who keep saying stuff like, I do what I say and I say what I do…**♥ 1source record 610 **“I’m too honest for my own good” as they tell me a lie right to my face.**♥ 1source record 637 **Anyone actively trying to convince me they’re a bad liar**♥ 1source record 690 **When they’re telling you a story and preface with “this is a true story”**♥ 1source record 735 Archive: 15 index entries preserve 15 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Advertising your own goodness41 records · 3 sub-topicsSelf-description doing the work that behaviour is supposed to do. 41 records. “I’m a good person”17 index entriesA character reference issued by its own subject. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: “I’m a good person” Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### “I’m a good person” 17 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 658 **Appears when:** “I’m a good person” **What the pattern means:** Self-issued character references: good person, empath, nice guy, easy going, expert, kindest person you will meet — the identity offered as the evidence. Commenters describe the claim landing as a substitute for anything observable, and a few point at the inverse forms, false modesty and self-deprecation, as the same move run backwards. **What commenters described:** Uni professor, “I don’t have favorites.” She did. People tell you who they are by stating who they aren’t. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added1 A psychologist named Francesca Tighinean said “Paradoxically, the people who see themselves as the most moral or good often carry the largest repressed shadows”. From the replies♥ 7 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source “ I’m a good person “ l have a good heart” source record 246♥ 30 Later-arriving source People who say they're scared of being seen as a bad person. Like it's something you become labeled as in high school. Actually being a bad person should scare you more. posted about 36.4 hours after the source Zero-like source When they call themselves kind or decent posted about 2.4 hours after the source #### What the counts show The exact phrase “people who say” recurs across 3 of the 17 source records in “I’m a good person”; the complete archive stays available below. 17index entries 17distinct source records 41.5%of parent category 2.9%of the complete index 14top-level comments 3replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 3asks a question 0says they intend to try it 14other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments17 preserved records · 17 of 17 source records accounted for **“ I’m a good person “ l have a good heart”**♥ 30source record 246 **A psychologist named Francesca Tighinean said “Paradoxically, the people who see themselves as the most moral or good often carry the largest repressed shadows”.**♥ 7source record 247 **"I'm really easy going".**♥ 15source record 298 **People who say, “I know I’m a good person.”**♥ 14source record 317 **When they say “I’m an empath”**♥ 3source record 399 **They keep reiterating that they’re a “nice person”.**♥ 2source record 410 **People who say they hate drama can sure cause a lot of chaos.**♥ 1source record 470 **When they tell you theyre the kindest and nicest person. It usually means the opposite therefore I stay away from them.**♥ 1source record 479 **Adding one more thing, someone saying "I am an expert on this" normally he/she turns out not an expert**♥ 1source record 609 **Die Sorte „Ich bin ein GUTER Mensch“ 😃🙌🏻**♥ 1source record 634 **Uni professor, “I don’t have favorites.” She did. People tell you who they are by stating who they aren’t.**♥ 1source record 658 **False modesty is always a red flag.**♥ 1source record 674 **“im a nice guy”**♥ 1source record 773 **Self depreciating**♥ 1source record 774 **Over-promising on their devotion, honesty and their virtues in general. Like, I can understand giving yourself a pat on the back every once in a while if you have a good personality trait, but highlighting it constantly and vehemently is definitely very suspicious.**♥ 1source record 775 **When they call themselves kind or decent**♥ 0source record 828 **People who say they're scared of being seen as a bad person. Like it's something you become labeled as in high school. Actually being a bad person should scare you more.**♥ 0source record 833 Archive: 17 index entries preserve 17 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Virtue on display9 index entriesMorality performed at volume, in front of an audience. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Virtue on display Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Virtue on display 9 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 214 **Appears when:** Virtue on display **What the pattern means:** Morality performed at volume for an audience rather than practised quietly. What commenters report is the gap between the size of the display and anything visible behind it, and they read the effort itself as the tell. One record inside the group turns it around and reads the display as insecurity and projection rather than cover for anything worse. **What commenters described:** It makes me think " this person is trying so hard to trick every one into thinking they aren't a walking pile of garbage like the rest of us. I bet they're up to some horrible shit, then. Why else would they be trying to make us think they're so perfect" Every time they turn out to be massive piles of shit. Every single time. Gotta kinda love how it backfires on them. No we don't think "wow you have such a monopoly on virtue while the rest of us here beneath your feet have the monopoly of vice and bad intentions, how can we be like you, the greatest human to ever exist" **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 It makes me think " this person is trying so hard to trick every one into thinking they aren't a walking pile of garbage like the rest of us. I bet they're up to some horrible shit, then. Why else would they be trying to make us think they're so perfect" Every time they turn out to be massive piles of shit. Every single time. Gotta kinda love how it backfires on them. No we don't think "wow you have such a monopoly on virtue while the rest of us here beneath your feet have the monopoly of vice and bad intentions, how can we be like you, the greatest human to ever exist" From the replies♥ 37 This is the best one, virtue signaling shows me the person doesnt have their own understanding of their character or who they even are and has no right judging others so harshly From the replies♥ 26 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source people who are virtue signalling. Ur not perfect, so why are u trying to make me think u are this person of an insanely high moral standard. source record 212♥ 178 Later-arriving source Righteous activism. While seemingly virtuous, it can be a red flag for passive aggression and narcissistic self-importance. posted about 20.0 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source It only ever goes one way with this type of person. The more you find out who they really are the darker it gets.b posted about 7.8 hours after the source♥ 2 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “trying to make” recurs across 2 of the 9 source records in Virtue on display; the complete archive stays available below. 9index entries 9distinct source records 22%of parent category 1.6%of the complete index 4top-level comments 5replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 8other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments9 preserved records · 9 of 9 source records accounted for **people who are virtue signalling. Ur not perfect, so why are u trying to make me think u are this person of an insanely high moral standard.**♥ 178source record 212 **This is the best one, virtue signaling shows me the person doesnt have their own understanding of their character or who they even are and has no right judging others so harshly**♥ 26source record 213 **It makes me think " this person is trying so hard to trick every one into thinking they aren't a walking pile of garbage like the rest of us. I bet they're up to some horrible shit, then. Why else would they be trying to make us think they're so perfect" Every time they turn out to be massive piles of shit. Every single time. Gotta kinda love how it backfires on them. No we don't think "wow you have such a monopoly on virtue while the rest of us here beneath your feet have the monopoly of vice and bad intentions, how can we be like you, the greatest human to ever exist"**♥ 37source record 214 **It only ever goes one way with this type of person. The more you find out who they really are the darker it gets.b**♥ 2source record 216 **I actually think THIS is the harmless but not harmless behavior. Seems like insecurity and guilt and projection being real. Maybe do more?**♥ 2source record 218 **Anyone pushing “kindness” and any guy who pushes a feminist agenda as a personality trait. Always the shittiest, sex crime type people**♥ 23source record 276 **Danke für deinen wichtigen Zusatz! Zu meiner Geschichte: Mein Ex Freund 50 hat mit seiner Halbschwester und deren Schwager in einem Haus gewohnt. Im Anbau noch eine sehr alte Mutter. Der Schwager war der „Anführer“ „der Versorger“ „der vermeintliche Helfer“ „der Gutmensch“ „der ach so Lustige“ „der Mensch der Ruhe und Geborgenheit in das System brachte“ „der gebende“ „der Autofahrende“ „der Zuhörer, der nie von sich erzählte“ Ich kann nur jedem empfehlen … wenn jemand versucht dich in ein „wir“ reinzustülpen und dir wird schlecht dabei, dann lauf. Die Abhängigkeit, Schuld und Hilflosigkeit naht. Unsere Beziehung endete, weil ich die einzige war, die sich weigerte sich anzupassen und unterzuordnen und nicht aufhörte zu hinterfragen. Wäre ich doch bloß mal nicht so „empfindlich und selbstbezogen“ gewesen, die weibliche Bestie, die alle gegeneinander aufhetzen wollte. Ich bin bis heute in Trauer darüber, dass man ex Freund mir gezeigt hat, wo seine vermutlich aus Angst geprägte Loyalität lag. Es war wie eine kleine Sekte, bist du gehorsam dann wirst du „belohnt“ … stellst du Fragen und stellst dein Gefühl nicht ab, dann droht der Ausschluss durch schweigen. und eine Zeit lang hab ich mir selbst nicht mehr vertraut … da kein Mensch DAS gesehen hat.**♥ 3source record 295 **They talk about their virtues constantly, sometimes it'll be a whole group of friends.**♥ 2source record 414 **Righteous activism. While seemingly virtuous, it can be a red flag for passive aggression and narcissistic self-importance.**♥ 1source record 685 Archive: 9 index entries preserve 9 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Leading with their religion15 index entriesFaith introduced early and used as a credential. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Leading with their religion Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Leading with their religion 15 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 453 **Appears when:** Leading with their religion **What the pattern means:** Faith introduced early and used as a credential. The reported pattern is specific: the identity announced before it is relevant, or produced inside a transaction — a lease, an investment, a sale. Commenters separate this from religious practice itself; what they name is the badge being offered where a track record would go. **What commenters described:** When someone instantly introduces/identifies themselves as a Christian. It has nothing to do with them actually being Christian. They are usually about to sell you something or scam you. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Oh the ones who hold the “I am Christian” banner and wave it are the worst. I absolutely don’t trust such people out the gate. From the replies♥ 15 “I’m too honest for my own good” as they tell me a lie right to my face. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source They make a big show of being "honest" and/or "Christian." If you have to tell me that you are a certain way, you probably aren't. source record 242♥ 61 Later-arriving source Telling people you’re a “Christian” without being asked. posted about 43.6 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source This is my mother in law 100000%. Reposts all these Jesus/Christian posts…..is very far from acting like one. Oooofff!!! posted about 41.4 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 15 source records, 2 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 15index entries 15distinct source records 36.6%of parent category 2.6%of the complete index 9top-level comments 6replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 13other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments15 preserved records · 15 of 15 source records accounted for **“Well as a Christian…”**♥ 25source record 215 **They make a big show of being "honest" and/or "Christian." If you have to tell me that you are a certain way, you probably aren't.**♥ 61source record 242 **Oh the ones who hold the “I am Christian” banner and wave it are the worst. I absolutely don’t trust such people out the gate.**♥ 15source record 243 **I'm a Christian**♥ 18source record 289 **If they are so religious and religion is their whole personality. Trust me I have been scammed by this people so many times.**♥ 2source record 437 **When they bring Jesus into a non-religious matter to convince me to something. “I’m going to pray that…(insert thing that they want me to do, invest, approve a lease, etc.).” That’s the biggest red flag outside of a dripping bloody machete. It’s a massive virtue signal that they are a “good Christian” that would never lie or cheat you. It’s just manipulation. Good business decisions don’t need God’s intervention.**♥ 5source record 451 **Having a Bible quote in their work/professional email signature**♥ 4source record 452 **When someone instantly introduces/identifies themselves as a Christian. It has nothing to do with them actually being Christian. They are usually about to sell you something or scam you.**♥ 1source record 453 **The classic version of this is religiosity. If we're talking about trust, and you're talking about Jesus, then we can both trust Jesus but I sure as fuck don't trust you.**♥ 1source record 492 **I don't trust grinning preachers at all. I agree that they come across as being as fake as hell.**♥ 2source record 655 **This is my mother in law 100000%. Reposts all these Jesus/Christian posts…..is very far from acting like one. Oooofff!!!**♥ 1source record 663 **Performative Christians**♥ 1source record 667 **Wanting to pray, or saying religious things when they do not know you. Or worse, when they do know you and know it’s not appropriate. I don’t push my beliefs on others.**♥ 1source record 694 **displaying the Christian fish on your car/business card/etc**♥ 1source record 700 **Telling people you’re a “Christian” without being asked.**♥ 1source record 780 Archive: 15 index entries preserve 15 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Jokes that carry a jab58 records · 5 sub-topicsThe single most contested theme in the thread: where teasing stops and contempt starts. 58 records. The jab that lands20 index entriesA put-down delivered inside a joke, with the joke as the alibi. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: The jab that lands Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### The jab that lands 20 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 90 **Appears when:** The jab that lands **What the pattern means:** A put-down with a joke wrapped round it, so that objecting makes you the problem. Commenters describe direction as the tell: the jab travels downward and never at someone with power over the speaker, and the same target keeps coming up. Several report the same person switching to open hostility the first time they were refused something. **What commenters described:** The people you’re doing it to won’t necessarily know that, or won’t be in the headspace to find it funny. A putdown is a putdown, a snide comment is a snide comment, and what’s privately going on inside your head when saying it doesn’t really matter. Your love language is probably considered bullying by some of the people you use it on. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I also dislike this. How do you know if it’s coming from a bad place or just friendly teasing? From the replies♥ 51 It's different when I do it. Its my love language for when I know you well. From the replies♥ 30 #### Where commenters report limits Explicit limit or counterpoint Yes! I couldn’t believe it either. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I missed the warning signs early, I saw how she treated someone else, really terrible and I made excuses for her. But then I started noticing it with her and she started doing it to me, slowly with micro aggressions and then it kind of woke me up and I saw her doing it to her sister and others. I think it’s hard for kind people to understand someone would be that way, but those people are out there. Hopefully they’ll get better and learn how to be a better human being, but I don’t let people like that in my life anymore. source record 104♥ 2 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source When people take small jabs at you in jest. source record 69♥ 490 Later-arriving source when they’re being constantly sarcastic posted about 42.0 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Schroedinger’s joke: the offensive statement gets twisted into a joke posted about 32.6 hours after the source♥ 1 #### Related evidence elsewhere in the index [How commenters told teasing from contempt“in front of others” · 2 there](#rich-node-0-group-3-subgroup-1-how-commenters-told-teasing-from-contempt) #### What the counts show The exact phrase “take small jabs” recurs across 2 of the 20 source records in The jab that lands; the complete archive stays available below. 20index entries 20distinct source records 34.5%of parent category 3.5%of the complete index 9top-level comments 11replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 1explicitly reports a limit or failure 6asks a question 0says they intend to try it 13other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments20 preserved records · 20 of 20 source records accounted for **When people take small jabs at you in jest.**♥ 490source record 69 **Because a joke has never really a joke. Sarcasm is veiled hostility.**♥ 29source record 81 **A friend once told me every joke is half true.**♥ 6source record 82 **The people you’re doing it to won’t necessarily know that, or won’t be in the headspace to find it funny. A putdown is a putdown, a snide comment is a snide comment, and what’s privately going on inside your head when saying it doesn’t really matter. Your love language is probably considered bullying by some of the people you use it on.**♥ 3source record 90 **There's always an undertone of truth to a joke made at the expense of someone**♥ 22source record 94 **Right? They wouldn’t do it to their boss or someone who paid their salary. They’re doing it to someone who they have contempt for or don’t like or are trying to control or they are threatened by you in some way. Someone who puts you down or makes you the butt of the joke or tries to crumble your confidence or self worth or humiliate you in front of others is either trying to control you or a truly shitty person. A good way to tell is if you’re happy and they try to ruin it in some way. Or if something good happens to you and they aren’t thrilled for you. Or if you succeed In some way or have something fortunate happens and they downplay your achievements. Like it’s never good enough. They are not your friend or in your corner.**♥ 3source record 102 **This actually recently happened to me from someone I've known a for a few years. Was always friendly, light / teasing banter, but always in a friendly way. They then tried to make unrealistic demands from me and I just told them no because it was so ridiculous. Right after that they then flipped a switch on me and all of a sudden they did everything you described. Extremely harsh and uncomfortable "jokes" about me in front of others, obviously just trying to humiliate me. Super awkward and so bad literally no one (but them) was laughing. And not just once, but multiple times and the same line of humiliation every time I ran into them. Not like I was provoking them or even trying to talk to them, they would approach my friend circle and immediately start putting me down in front of everyone, it was absolutely bizarre. I ended up telling them to keep their distance from me and they immediately cowered away because people like that are actually extremely insecure and weak. Classic bully behavior, it's important to stand up for yourself and let them know their behavior is unacceptable. If not, they'll just continue doing it because it gets them off. Screw people like that, they're complete psychos.**♥ 3source record 103 **Yes! I couldn’t believe it either. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I missed the warning signs early, I saw how she treated someone else, really terrible and I made excuses for her. But then I started noticing it with her and she started doing it to me, slowly with micro aggressions and then it kind of woke me up and I saw her doing it to her sister and others. I think it’s hard for kind people to understand someone would be that way, but those people are out there. Hopefully they’ll get better and learn how to be a better human being, but I don’t let people like that in my life anymore.**♥ 2source record 104 **Especially when you first meet them… i met you 2 days ago and you’re already ‘joking’ abt my appearance ??**♥ 2source record 106 **If the person makes snarky jokes - not necessarily hostile, just a bit too dark or mean-spirited.**♥ 16source record 299 **using humour to disguise insults**♥ 2source record 439 **Schroedinger’s joke: the offensive statement gets twisted into a joke**♥ 1source record 510 **Agreed. "I'm just joking" is gaslighting.**♥ 2source record 511 **Obviously there is nuance. But some people will tell you that teasing is their love language and then they'll pick you apart and make you insecure about things you didn't even consider before.**♥ 1source record 561 **Guys who will take small jabs especially in front of girls or other guys they want to impress.**♥ 1source record 714 **When people say, “I was just kidding”, when in reality they were being an asshole.**♥ 1source record 718 **When you discuss something bothersome or hurtful to you and they immediately minimize it or play it off as a funny joke. OR when they one up you with something even more upsetting.**♥ 1source record 730 **Negging…anyone for kicks.**♥ 1source record 731 **There’s also a certain kind of (almost unnoticeable) smirk that comes from either hearing about something unfortunate that you’re going through, paired with some light negging. “Friendly” jealousy, I guess!**♥ 1source record 734 **when they’re being constantly sarcastic**♥ 1source record 767 Archive: 20 index entries preserve 20 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs How commenters told teasing from contempt11 index entriesThe working tests people said they use to sort banter from cruelty. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: How commenters told teasing from contempt Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### How commenters told teasing from contempt 11 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 72 **Appears when:** How commenters told teasing from contempt **What the pattern means:** The one sub-pattern where the corpus supplies working tests rather than complaints. Four recur: reciprocity — can they take it back; distribution — is the same person always the butt; audience — who is in the room and what the timing gains; and response — does saying so change anything, or does the person go cold. **What commenters described:** Can they do it about themselves too? If yes, they're probably friendly teasing. If it hurts you, it doesn't matter the intent though tbh. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 It's definitely something that requires dialogue and both people can learn a lot from the exchange. It is also just as important for the person who doesn't like it to speak up for themselves and say why directly without shaming the perpetrator because it will help them learn about how they affect people (seriously, there are reasons they might be emotionally blind to it) and because saying "I shouldn't have to say anything, you should just know how I feel" is asking someone to mind read = also a form of emotional immaturity. Of course, it's situational too. You may prefer to only put this much effort into the relationships that truly matter and just distance from the ones that are less close. From the replies♥ 2 That logoic dismisses the feelings of the intended target of the joke when in the company of others. You are the punchline in both in front of others and in private. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Can they do it about themselves too? If yes, they're probably friendly teasing. If it hurts you, it doesn't matter the intent though tbh. source record 72♥ 30 Later-arriving source That logoic dismisses the feelings of the intended target of the joke when in the company of others. You are the punchline in both in front of others and in private. posted about 42.9 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Jokes are only funny if the audience laughs. If its just the two of you and the joke stings, guess what - you're not the audience, but the punchline. posted about 40.0 hours after the source♥ 1 #### Related evidence elsewhere in the index [The jab that lands“in front of others” · 2 there](#rich-node-0-group-3-subgroup-0-the-jab-that-lands) #### What the counts show The exact phrase “in front of others” recurs across 2 of the 11 source records in How commenters told teasing from contempt; the complete archive stays available below. 11index entries 11distinct source records 19%of parent category 1.9%of the complete index 0top-level comments 11replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 10other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments11 preserved records · 11 of 11 source records accounted for **Can they do it about themselves too? If yes, they're probably friendly teasing. If it hurts you, it doesn't matter the intent though tbh.**♥ 30source record 72 **If you’re not always the butt of the joke.**♥ 7source record 76 **If they can take it in turn. If they get offended or turn cold then they feel entitled to belittle.**♥ 7source record 77 **For me personally, as someone sensitive, it is makes my mind go mean towards them (wanting to retaliate unkindly back), I need to stay away from that person. Mind, I only learnt this about myself within the last 2 days.**♥ 3source record 78 **in front of others, timing and utilising it as leverage for an advantage**♥ 3source record 79 **Yes and no. It definitely could be something to be concerned with long term, for sure, and it can continue to devolve as time goes on. On the other hand, some people develop a sarcastic type humor as a cope early in life and it doesn't go away so easily. The difference is that if you tell them directly and calmly that you don't like it, the ones to be concerned about will get defensive about it AND not stop because to reflect on why they'd joke with someone in that manner could bring up too much ancient painful crap for them and instead they make it your fault somehow. Some people might prickle a little, but often will knock it off and try better if you speak up.**♥ 3source record 105 **Yup. I've become very sensitive to this. And also try to make sure i don't do it to others! I realized I actually don't like being around people who are constantly saying something negative about me or people I'm around, or trying to elicit a negative emotional response, even if it's "just a joke." I'll just go hang out with people who don't constantly make me uncomfortable, thanks. It's much better.**♥ 2source record 109 **Jokes are only funny if the audience laughs. If its just the two of you and the joke stings, guess what - you're not the audience, but the punchline.**♥ 1source record 517 **That logoic dismisses the feelings of the intended target of the joke when in the company of others. You are the punchline in both in front of others and in private.**♥ 1source record 518 **I am mostly in agreement with this. As you stated, it is a "yes and no" situation which largely depends on both parties level of discernment, personal and projected insecurities, consideration for others, and willingness to behave differently out of respect for the relationship.**♥ 1source record 544 **It's definitely something that requires dialogue and both people can learn a lot from the exchange. It is also just as important for the person who doesn't like it to speak up for themselves and say why directly without shaming the perpetrator because it will help them learn about how they affect people (seriously, there are reasons they might be emotionally blind to it) and because saying "I shouldn't have to say anything, you should just know how I feel" is asking someone to mind read = also a form of emotional immaturity. Of course, it's situational too. You may prefer to only put this much effort into the relationships that truly matter and just distance from the ones that are less close.**♥ 2source record 545 Archive: 11 index entries preserve 11 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs The people who said they do it6 index entriesCommenters who recognised themselves in the complaint and said so. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: The people who said they do it Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### The people who said they do it 6 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 84 **Appears when:** The people who said they do it **What the pattern means:** Records where the person being described answers back. They report teasing as affection, as a shared idiom inside a relationship, or as ordinary trade-floor register, and one says its absence would be the real warning sign. They are kept beside the complaint rather than beneath it because the same behaviour is being reported from both ends of it. **What commenters described:** It's different when I do it. Its my love language for when I know you well. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 When I started dating my boyfriend, we commented on how easily we fell into teasing each other as part of our shared love language. I told him that if I ever STOP teasing him, that’s a huge sign that something is wrong. From the replies♥ 35 If that's your love language I dont want to see your fighting talk From the replies♥ 22 #### Where commenters report limits Explicit limit or counterpoint Definitely. I only pick on people I like. My dad did it to me as a kid and I hated it. Now I grew up and I am so my parents 🙈 source record 562♥ 2 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source When I started dating my boyfriend, we commented on how easily we fell into teasing each other as part of our shared love language. I told him that if I ever STOP teasing him, that’s a huge sign that something is wrong. source record 87♥ 35 Later-arriving source Definitely. I only pick on people I like. My dad did it to me as a kid and I hated it. Now I grew up and I am so my parents 🙈 posted about 31.6 hours after the source♥ 2 Low-like source Its different when i do it, I'm jesting you posted about 1.2 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 6 source records, 0 explicitly report a benefit and 1 explicitly report a limit or failure. These are attributed experiences, not effectiveness data. 6index entries 6distinct source records 10.3%of parent category 1%of the complete index 0top-level comments 6replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 1explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 4other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments6 preserved records · 6 of 6 source records accounted for **My adhd kind of comes across that way, but never meant to show out**♥ 7source record 80 **It's different when I do it. Its my love language for when I know you well.**♥ 30source record 84 **When I started dating my boyfriend, we commented on how easily we fell into teasing each other as part of our shared love language. I told him that if I ever STOP teasing him, that’s a huge sign that something is wrong.**♥ 35source record 87 **Same! I’m a cook and talk shit to all the servers who i like! lol! I’ve worked with some of them for years so they know I’m just joking.**♥ 2source record 92 **Its different when i do it, I'm jesting you**♥ 1source record 93 **Definitely. I only pick on people I like. My dad did it to me as a kid and I hated it. Now I grew up and I am so my parents 🙈**♥ 2source record 562 Archive: 6 index entries preserve 6 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Where banter is the local language8 index entriesPlaces and trades where the same jab reads as affection. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Where banter is the local language Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Where banter is the local language 8 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 110 **Appears when:** Where banter is the local language **What the pattern means:** Commenters from Ireland, Britain, Boston and from kitchen and workshop trades report the identical jab reading as inclusion in their setting. The qualification the group supplies itself is that a local norm does not travel: one reply calls it fun but not necessarily healthy, another says it simply is not everyone's preferred register, and one commenter describes unlearning it after moving. **What commenters described:** Culturally in my country, if people take the piss out of you it’s treating you as one of the group. It can get quite full on but it is affectionate **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Fun, but not necessarily healthy. Definitely not everyone's preferred style of humor. From the replies♥ 4 I understand that. Just not my preferred style of communication and not how I was raised to communicate with others. From the replies♥ 2 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Fun, but not necessarily healthy. Definitely not everyone's preferred style of humor. source record 494♥ 4 Later-arriving source I understand that. Just not my preferred style of communication and not how I was raised to communicate with others. posted about 27.4 hours after the source♥ 2 Low-like source Right! Its not mean spirited just teasing. If i can tell someone wouldnt like it I dont joke with them that way. But if they can take it its fun going back and forth:)) posted about 16.4 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “preferred style of” recurs across 2 of the 8 source records in Where banter is the local language; the complete archive stays available below. 8index entries 8distinct source records 13.8%of parent category 1.4%of the complete index 1top-level comments 7replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 7other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments8 preserved records · 8 of 8 source records accounted for **Have you been to the UK? The jabs means they like you.**♥ 2source record 107 **I understand that. Just not my preferred style of communication and not how I was raised to communicate with others.**♥ 2source record 108 **Culturally in my country, if people take the piss out of you it’s treating you as one of the group. It can get quite full on but it is affectionate**♥ 3source record 110 **I work in a shop full of mechanics. This shit is fun, we constantly dog on each other, its like a competition.**♥ 1source record 493 **Fun, but not necessarily healthy. Definitely not everyone's preferred style of humor.**♥ 4source record 494 **You’d hate Irish slagging and British banter then**♥ 1source record 504 **Right! Its not mean spirited just teasing. If i can tell someone wouldnt like it I dont joke with them that way. But if they can take it its fun going back and forth:))**♥ 1source record 555 **Yeah I’m from Boston, poking fun at people is a way people connect. I had to unlearn that when I moved out of state**♥ 1source record 595 Archive: 8 index entries preserve 8 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Passive aggression and the cryptic remark13 index entriesHostility routed around the point so it cannot be answered. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Passive aggression and the cryptic remark Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Passive aggression and the cryptic remark 13 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 501 **Appears when:** Passive aggression and the cryptic remark **What the pattern means:** Hostility routed so that it cannot be answered: a remark aimed near you rather than at you, a cryptic aside left unexplained, laughter where an answer was asked for, or an instruction about how to feel issued before the sentence arrives, and the rhetorical 'right?' that collects agreement before you have given it. Commenters describe the cost as the impossibility of raising any of it, and several report recognising the habit in a parent or in themselves. **What commenters described:** My mother is very passive aggressive. I catch myself doing it at times too. Difficult trait to overcome but I’m trying. She also ‘shuts down’ in conflict and stonewalls you, another trait I’ve found myself doing. Never apologises either, just starts talking to you again after some time. She also doesn’t have the ability to actually look at her behaviours. She gets defensive if you criticise her. Example, she asks: was I a good mother? You respond: you were BUT.. her: is offended immediately and blames something you did for that behaviour to occur. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 My adult son does this. Then says I have taken it the wrong way. Or he's "just joking" I miss the good boy he used to be. And I don't particularly look forward to his visits. Hes a new dad and I fear for her pure, curious mind. From the replies♥ 65 Me and my parents have difficulty getting on. My parents aren’t bad people, as a child I couldn’t have wished for better parents. I don’t think I’m a bad person. There comes a time when a son or daughter becomes their own person. I’m a completely different person to my parents. Different education , different sense of humour, different beliefs, different interests, different opinions, different everything. This tends to manifest itself in frustration, on both sides, that results in awkwardness , sometimes anger and an inability to communicate. For years, I always blamed them and they blamed me. I realised as I got older , their failure to understand me wasn’t their fault anymore than my failure to understand them. We talk occasionally and both sides have started to learn to politely excuse themselves once we realise we have reached an empasse. It’s taken a long time. It feels strange not being able to communicate on a human level with ones’ parents. I’m sure they feel the same regarding their son. We are civil. I dread losing them . I love them but i don’t always particularly like them. I used to get extremely upset about our relationship. I’m sure the feeling is mutual. We went no contact for many years but even that didn’t feel any better. We have , what most people might regard as an atypical relationship. My partner and closest friends have always thought it to be strange. I’m 51 now. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not a case of they are right and I am wrong or vice versa. We are just different people. If they weren’t my parents and I wasn’t their son , we wouldn’t have anything in common. Yes. It is sad and it still makes my heart heavy but we keep in touch and have learned to treat each other with respect and set boundaries. Sometimes it’s the only thing you can do. It’s not perfect but it’s better than no contact. They are good people, they were good parents but……. We are just completely different people. I think, the point I’m trying to make is, you can’t pick your family but nonetheless, they are still your family. From the replies♥ 27 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Passive aggresive remarks, behaviour. source record 155♥ 251 Later-arriving source When they drop sarcastic and cryptic comments only in my vicinity. Even something as random like a little backstory means trouble. posted about 47.4 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Doing things that are obviously intentional and acting like "they didn't do it intentionally" posted about 31.9 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 13 source records, 4 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 13index entries 13distinct source records 22.4%of parent category 2.3%of the complete index 9top-level comments 4replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 4asks a question 0says they intend to try it 9other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments13 preserved records · 13 of 13 source records accounted for **Passive aggresive remarks, behaviour.**♥ 251source record 155 **My adult son does this. Then says I have taken it the wrong way. Or he's "just joking" I miss the good boy he used to be. And I don't particularly look forward to his visits. Hes a new dad and I fear for her pure, curious mind.**♥ 65source record 156 **I’m passive aggressive unknowingly, probably just no inhibition when speaking from my adhd**♥ 2source record 173 **Random cryptic statements or answers, some people will explain them, it’s the the ones who don’t who get the sideeye**♥ 6source record 342 **If they tell you how to feel or not feel before saying something...ex: "don't get mad... but i..." You cannot control someone's emotions or reactions.**♥ 3source record 390 **“So you think…/I bet you also think…” When I’ve expressed a disagreement about something and stated clearly why I disagree.**♥ 2source record 434 **When I ask a question about a situation and you start laughing like a joke was told.**♥ 1source record 488 **My mother is very passive aggressive. I catch myself doing it at times too. Difficult trait to overcome but I’m trying. She also ‘shuts down’ in conflict and stonewalls you, another trait I’ve found myself doing. Never apologises either, just starts talking to you again after some time. She also doesn’t have the ability to actually look at her behaviours. She gets defensive if you criticise her. Example, she asks: was I a good mother? You respond: you were BUT.. her: is offended immediately and blames something you did for that behaviour to occur.**♥ 1source record 501 **My mother in law is like this all the time and wonders aloud with my husband why we're not best friends yet. We've been together for 6 years. I always try my very best to be helpful and kind to her, and whenever I do stand up for myself because she snapped at me or talked to me like a child, it's always my fault for "starting shit" and she's literally mad at me for days and the cycle starts over. It's exhausting.**♥ 1source record 507 **Passive aggressive comments toward me, making me feel small**♥ 1source record 626 **People who constantly say “right?” in the middle of their conversation trying to trick you into agreeing with them. Drives me nuts and I immediately discount what they are saying.**♥ 1source record 725 **Doing things that are obviously intentional and acting like "they didn't do it intentionally"**♥ 1source record 736 **When they drop sarcastic and cryptic comments only in my vicinity. Even something as random like a little backstory means trouble.**♥ 1source record 770 Archive: 13 index entries preserve 13 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Talking about people who are not there52 records · 3 sub-topicsGossip read as a preview: what they say about others, they will say about you. 52 records. Gossip, and what it predicts34 index entriesTalk about absent people, read as a forecast about you. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Gossip, and what it predicts Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Gossip, and what it predicts 34 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 233 **Appears when:** Gossip, and what it predicts **What the pattern means:** The single busiest sub-pattern in this corpus. Commenters treat talk about absent people as a forecast rather than an offence, and the reasoning arrives almost word for word from people who have never met: whoever brings you theirs will take yours elsewhere. It is reported as landing hardest when the speaker is someone the commenter has only just met. **What commenters described:** People who talk shit to me about others. You aren’t special. You aren’t an exception. Even if you think you’re friends—they talk shit about you. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Been on the receiving end of my team mates grouping together to backbite about me and make demeaning remarks, unwarranted, while simultaneously being nice to my face. My manager then had the gall to frame my introversion around them as me lacking social skills. I've already started hunting for a new job. I didn't come back to the corporate environment after a one and half year sabbatical to deal with this type of nonsense. From the replies♥ 6 Yep. Friend ship groups are for children. Adults who hang round in a social clique are always toxic. From the replies♥ 6 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source People who talk shit to me about others. You aren’t special. You aren’t an exception. Even if you think you’re friends—they talk shit about you. source record 233♥ 38 Later-arriving source I'm all for having friend groups as an adult but I do agree with you in some cases. Every friend group I've met thats solid has some pretty serious drama underneath. It's always messy. posted about 34.6 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Talking about other people negatively. Or anyone who says their ex is crazy, cause what was your part in that? posted about 31.6 hours after the source♥ 1 #### Related evidence elsewhere in the index [Secrets that did not stay secret“about other people” · 2 there](#rich-node-0-group-4-subgroup-1-secrets-that-did-not-stay-secret) #### What the counts show The exact phrase “talk shit about” recurs across 3 of the 34 source records in Gossip, and what it predicts; the complete archive stays available below. 34index entries 34distinct source records 65.4%of parent category 5.9%of the complete index 30top-level comments 4replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 13asks a question 0says they intend to try it 21other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments34 preserved records · 34 of 34 source records accounted for **People who talk shit to me about others. You aren’t special. You aren’t an exception. Even if you think you’re friends—they talk shit about you.**♥ 38source record 233 **Those who gossip to you, gossip about you Frig that noise.**♥ 2source record 234 **My mom taught me that if they’re talking about others then they’re talking about you too!**♥ 3source record 241 **When people form friends groups at work and gossip. Although it's natural for people to herd themselves into groups like this, there is a lot of toxic shit that comes with it.**♥ 22source record 281 **Yep. Friend ship groups are for children. Adults who hang round in a social clique are always toxic.**♥ 6source record 283 **Constant gossiping**♥ 9source record 322 **When they get upset at other's good fortune instead of being happy for them. Also, the way someone talks about their exes.**♥ 8source record 333 **Judgement. If they’re constantly judging others, they’re likely judging you**♥ 14source record 334 **When they consistently talk shit about people behind their backs. If they are talking about them, they are probably talking about you as well.**♥ 6source record 343 **Someone who talks bad about others especially close ppl**♥ 4source record 381 **Talking about people behind their back**♥ 4source record 382 **When they tell me that someone else said something about me, but they won't tell me who said it. I have some coworkers who talk shit behind my back because I have FMLA for my migraines, and most have seen me sick at work, and I'd like to think seeing me looking like a corpse on the verge of crying or puking would be enough to proof that I don't abuse it. But occasionally I'll have a coworker who doesn't otherwise interact with me much say "oh, someone was talking about you" but no names. It just makes me think THEY are the person who was talking about me.**♥ 3source record 393 **\\-when they rarely have anything good to say about anyone \\-when they pocket watch people (no matter how much they have/get, they eye what other folks have and tend to feel short changed like what they have is never enough. It could something as little as thinking a restaurant gave them a smaller piece of lamb shank compared to other customers)**♥ 3source record 395 **When guys say "My last girl(s) were crazy."**♥ 4source record 405 **When they seem to know everyone else’s business**♥ 2source record 419 **Gossiping.**♥ 2source record 428 **Extremely quick and malign judgemental remarks about others, lack of respect, bad odor,**♥ 1source record 465 **wat they say about people not around**♥ 1source record 467 **When they talk about other people**♥ 1source record 468 **When they’re low key judge mental**♥ 1source record 471 **How they talk about their kids baby mama/daddy and how they treat them in front of their kids.**♥ 1source record 582 **Gossiping, especially when I just met you.**♥ 1source record 615 **When someone starts gossiping, they're basically telling you they can't be trusted.**♥ 1source record 617 **If I don’t know you and you start talking shit about someone we both know. I’ve had people I’m interviewing before do this and I’m just like.. so you just talk shit about everyone everyone?**♥ 1source record 622 **I'm all for having friend groups as an adult but I do agree with you in some cases. Every friend group I've met thats solid has some pretty serious drama underneath. It's always messy.**♥ 1source record 668 **When they badmouth someone else to gain my trust**♥ 1source record 678 **Talking crap about others. I dont mean actually venting or asking advice on a legitimate personal issue. But for example I was hanging out with someone new and they started making fun of someone else we both knew for her Facebook posts. They clearly expected me to start ragging on her too along with them. I told them I thought the girl is a great person and have distanced myself from them since.**♥ 1source record 686 **They start talking badly about other people**♥ 1source record 699 **Once an old co worker said " I don't mean to gossip but ..." Immediate distrust .**♥ 1source record 723 **Talking about other people negatively. Or anyone who says their ex is crazy, cause what was your part in that?**♥ 1source record 733 **Gossip**♥ 1source record 754 **Gossip**♥ 1source record 757 **Gossip**♥ 1source record 765 **Gossip, even if it’s relatively harmless kind.**♥ 1source record 809 Archive: 34 index entries preserve 34 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Secrets that did not stay secret7 index entriesInformation handed over in confidence and passed straight on. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Secrets that did not stay secret Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Secrets that did not stay secret 7 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 448 **Appears when:** Secrets that did not stay secret **What the pattern means:** The completed version of the pattern above: something handed over in confidence turning up somewhere else. Commenters describe this as decisive in a way ordinary gossip is not, and several say malice is beside the point — the compulsion to repeat it is the whole signal, whether or not the information mattered. **What commenters described:** Regularly repeating things you or other friends say to them to other people without care for discretion. Malicious or not, actually private or not, the need or compulsion to do it indicates they aren’t trustworthy. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Gossiping about other people and disclosing their personal information. source record 323♥ 10 Later-arriving source Bringing up something that I told them in confidence - even if it’s something small and they only bring it up to me. If I don’t bring it up, but they do, they make me think it’s willy nilly posted about 31.6 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Someone lets other people listen in on your phone conversation without telling you. posted about 20.4 hours after the source♥ 1 #### Related evidence elsewhere in the index [Gossip, and what it predicts“about other people” · 3 there](#rich-node-0-group-4-subgroup-0-gossip-and-what-it-predicts) #### What the counts show The exact phrase “about other people” recurs across 2 of the 7 source records in Secrets that did not stay secret; the complete archive stays available below. 7index entries 7distinct source records 13.5%of parent category 1.2%of the complete index 7top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 0asks a question 0says they intend to try it 7other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments7 preserved records · 7 of 7 source records accounted for **Gossiping about other people and disclosing their personal information.**♥ 10source record 323 **If they comfortably and easily leak stuff you only told that person**♥ 2source record 422 **Regularly repeating things you or other friends say to them to other people without care for discretion. Malicious or not, actually private or not, the need or compulsion to do it indicates they aren’t trustworthy.**♥ 2source record 448 **Someone lets other people listen in on your phone conversation without telling you.**♥ 1source record 620 **Sharing someone else’s secrets**♥ 1source record 697 **Someone who wants to gossip or share secrets about other people. I make a note and never share anything important or private with them.**♥ 1source record 703 **Bringing up something that I told them in confidence - even if it’s something small and they only bring it up to me. If I don’t bring it up, but they do, they make me think it’s willy nilly**♥ 1source record 732 Archive: 7 index entries preserve 7 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Warm to the face, cutting behind the back11 index entriesTwo accounts of the same relationship, depending who is listening. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Warm to the face, cutting behind the back Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Warm to the face, cutting behind the back 11 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 435 **Appears when:** Warm to the face, cutting behind the back **What the pattern means:** Two accounts of one relationship running at the same time. The records describe workplace groups pleasant in person and demeaning in private, a friendship circle that closed on one of its own over something a spouse said, and partners criticised the second a call ends. What commenters report as unsettling is the seamlessness of the switch rather than the criticism. **What commenters described:** 1) if they talk bad about someone and then I see them act cool with that same person face to face. 2) if they tell someone's personal business to anyone that will listen. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 In chess it’s the consistently quiet, sneaky moves that win. These women play a dark game. From the replies♥ 2 My friend was talking to her boyfriend on the phone. It seemed like a regular conversation from what I could tell and then when she hung up she said “asshole.” It made me sad because I was friends with both of them. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Talking bad behind someone’s back, someone who they were very nice to when in front of them source record 341♥ 8 Later-arriving source they’re your bestfriend at work while working there. always inviting you to things outside of work etc, but if you leave the company you never hear from them again posted about 38.4 hours after the source♥ 2 Low-like source My friend was talking to her boyfriend on the phone. It seemed like a regular conversation from what I could tell and then when she hung up she said “asshole.” It made me sad because I was friends with both of them. posted about 33.4 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 11 source records, 2 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 11index entries 11distinct source records 21.2%of parent category 1.9%of the complete index 8top-level comments 3replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 9other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments11 preserved records · 11 of 11 source records accounted for **Been on the receiving end of my team mates grouping together to backbite about me and make demeaning remarks, unwarranted, while simultaneously being nice to my face. My manager then had the gall to frame my introversion around them as me lacking social skills. I've already started hunting for a new job. I didn't come back to the corporate environment after a one and half year sabbatical to deal with this type of nonsense.**♥ 6source record 282 **they’re your bestfriend at work while working there. always inviting you to things outside of work etc, but if you leave the company you never hear from them again**♥ 2source record 284 **Talking bad behind someone’s back, someone who they were very nice to when in front of them**♥ 8source record 341 **I’ve known a group of girlfriends since college. They have always been super fun, funny, and popular people. Everyone loves them, including my husband, so I’ve kept my “mean girl spidey sense” to myself. Back in 2019, three of the girls cut off the fourth girl, who I actually kind of liked, over something her \*\*\*husband\*\*\* said or did. I think it’s because he voted for Trump and they didn’t like that. I don’t blame them for not being happy about that, but \*\*\*she\*\*\* didn’t vote for him for goodness sake. I found this out through my close friend, let’s call her M, who is friends with them through her husband, who my husband and I are also very close to. M is a golden retriever of a person. She is the kindest person. Everyone loves her and she loves everyone. She’s the kind of person who will make friends with the table seated by the bathroom while she’s waiting for her turn. Like phone numbers and a plan to meet up and everything. A couple years ago, she was really excited to attend a wedding with this group of girls. When she got back, she stopped by my house to tell me, quite tearfully, that she thought the girls were kind of mean to her over the wedding weekend and she just wanted to see if she was overreacting. I was so mad at them. M is the sweetest person and they were total jerks. All I could really say was that I was so sorry, and that “they’re just not good people. Everyone thinks they’re so fun and wonderful, but I never got it. They’re not nice.” The hard thing is, I can’t point to one specific thing that gives me the ick about them. It’s like a combination of the sort of mean sarcasm, the things they value, how they talk about other people. No one thing is egregious or over the top. It’s the accumulation and consistency of the little jabs.**♥ 12source record 348 **Two-faced liars.**♥ 2source record 426 **Cuando alguien en un trabajo ERA amigo de muchos otros compañeros y ya no.**♥ 2source record 429 **1) if they talk bad about someone and then I see them act cool with that same person face to face. 2) if they tell someone's personal business to anyone that will listen.**♥ 2source record 435 **When someone is talking to you and someone else and the third person does something weird and person A looks at you like "lol what a loser amiright" because you know they would do the same to you in a heartbeat**♥ 1source record 676 **shitting on their significant other when they're not around, its not a good look.**♥ 1source record 695 **My friend was talking to her boyfriend on the phone. It seemed like a regular conversation from what I could tell and then when she hung up she said “asshole.” It made me sad because I was friends with both of them.**♥ 1source record 696 **When they have there friends and are nice to them and then they talk shit about them to you. What are they saying about you to them??**♥ 1source record 712 Archive: 11 index entries preserve 11 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Never their fault44 records · 3 sub-topicsBlame that always lands somewhere else, and the thread's own care about not mistaking a real victim for one. 44 records. The permanent victim10 index entriesA grievance that never resolves and never transfers responsibility. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: The permanent victim Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### The permanent victim 10 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 113 **Appears when:** The permanent victim **What the pattern means:** A grievance that never resolves and never transfers. Commenters describe a running account of things done to the person, blame that always lands elsewhere, and a long list of people and institutions still owed something. The most-liked record in the group reads it as an attempt to take control of a dispute by forcing an emotional response. **What commenters described:** This is a real manipulative tactic. By being the ‘victim’ they’re attempting to take back control of the issue by forcing an emotional response from you. I cut off anyone who does this with me, it’s deeply unattractive. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 This is a real manipulative tactic. By being the ‘victim’ they’re attempting to take back control of the issue by forcing an emotional response from you. I cut off anyone who does this with me, it’s deeply unattractive. From the replies♥ 129 How do you distinguish between someone acting like a victim and someone who is a victim? From the replies♥ 29 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Someone who is acting like a victim constantly source record 112♥ 389 Later-arriving source Being a victim absolves them of responsibility to fix the situation. posted about 15.0 hours after the source♥ 10 Low-like source Yup, the phrase "offended by everything, ashamed of nothing" feels like it was meant for them. Grievance collectors is exactly how is describe it. posted about 3.9 hours after the source♥ 4 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “playing the victim” recurs across 2 of the 10 source records in The permanent victim; the complete archive stays available below. 10index entries 10distinct source records 22.7%of parent category 1.7%of the complete index 3top-level comments 7replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 0asks a question 0says they intend to try it 10other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments10 preserved records · 10 of 10 source records accounted for **Someone who is acting like a victim constantly**♥ 389source record 112 **This is a real manipulative tactic. By being the ‘victim’ they’re attempting to take back control of the issue by forcing an emotional response from you. I cut off anyone who does this with me, it’s deeply unattractive.**♥ 129source record 113 **Being a victim absolves them of responsibility to fix the situation.**♥ 10source record 114 **They don't only act like a victim in case they have issue with you focus on some people in close friends or family members everything and every struggle and fight they had in past and they are telling you they will always show they are the victims and they won't tell you why they become the victim instead they will constantly blame people for example everything happen cuz of xxx and it happened cuz they did this or that they will never tell how they personally feel what they went through a person who loves to victimize themselves is that whenever you will ask them for explanation they will only focus on blaming and if the person is telling the truth they will mention the struggles and issues they face These types of people are very dangerous if they are jealous of you or you are there enemy they can turn people against you spread rumors and they can envy you and even try to destiny swap you if they are jealous they would badly wants to be you**♥ 21source record 116 **My new assistant is like this. I had to ice her out and reclaim my boundaries.**♥ 6source record 119 **I also tend to be . They have a long list of people, events, organizations or behaviours that they’re pissed about.**♥ 8source record 129 **Yup, the phrase "offended by everything, ashamed of nothing" feels like it was meant for them. Grievance collectors is exactly how is describe it.**♥ 4source record 130 **To be fair some people love playing the victim**♥ 8source record 250 **Every time they do or say something to provoke you,they start playing the victim if you get angry at them**♥ 11source record 319 **Victim mentality**♥ 1source record 764 Archive: 10 index entries preserve 10 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Telling a victim from a victim mentality16 index entriesThe thread's own attempt to keep real harm out of this category. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Telling a victim from a victim mentality Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Telling a victim from a victim mentality 16 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 134 **Appears when:** Telling a victim from a victim mentality **What the pattern means:** The thread's own guardrail on the answer above, and it is unusually careful. The distinctions offered are direction — working on it versus replaying it; what is wanted — being understood rather than pitied; and timing — how early the full account arrives. Several records come from people who say they were the constant victim and did not know another way to be. **What commenters described:** Someone who is a victim may unintentionally be negative or sometimes blurt out downer stuff or unintentionally often make you feel sorry for them. Someone who has a victim mindset often finds lots of things going wrong in their life, is often angry, will talk about how they were ripped off or hard done by often, not just now and then, will expect too much of people, will be disappointed easily. Feels safe or enjoys it when people feel sorry for them. Often victims would like people to understand them, but they are horrified by people feeling sorry for them or pity. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I have a communal narc in my family oh my god shes exhausting. Cant cut her off yet as noone else in my family sees any of her weirdo behaviour but Im working on removing myself From the replies♥ 17 I also tend to be . They have a long list of people, events, organizations or behaviours that they’re pissed about. From the replies♥ 8 #### Where commenters report limits Explicit limit or counterpoint It's not as easy to fake genuine emotional distress as it is to verbalize it. Unfortunately, people are better actors than we give them credit for. Everyone should study narcissism. Constant victimhood is a common feature. source record 121♥ 42 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source It's not as easy to fake genuine emotional distress as it is to verbalize it. Unfortunately, people are better actors than we give them credit for. Everyone should study narcissism. Constant victimhood is a common feature. source record 121♥ 42 Later-arriving source Thanks for understanding. I always see these threads and "constantly the victim" is one of the top ones. It always makes me feel bad because I am that but idk how to take responsibility for it outside of unconsciously staying longer than I should. I also think it's unfair sometimes. If I had my legs cut off, I'm not gonna be a paralympian that writes a best selling book. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to overcome it, but I refused to be shamed for it. I'm sorry you dealt with that in therapy. It can be very damaging if you don't have the right perspective. How did you deal with it? posted about 34.6 hours after the source♥ 2 Low-like source victimhood- truly something difficult happening and the person is taking steps to get better victim mentality- is \*\*constant and non stop\*\*.matter what happens, including when people set a boundary with them, when people make mistakes, when people dont like them, when they do things you dont like- they somehow convince themselves and others- that they've been hurt. dead giveaway for \*\*covert NPD\*\* and they are energy vampires the negativity kills you slowly even before they begin their tactics posted about 17.6 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “to take responsibility for” recurs across 2 of the 16 source records in Telling a victim from a victim mentality; the complete archive stays available below. 16index entries 16distinct source records 36.4%of parent category 2.8%of the complete index 0top-level comments 16replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 1explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 1says they intend to try it 12other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments16 preserved records · 16 of 16 source records accounted for **It's not as easy to fake genuine emotional distress as it is to verbalize it. Unfortunately, people are better actors than we give them credit for. Everyone should study narcissism. Constant victimhood is a common feature.**♥ 42source record 121 **Sometimes people can be constant victim with no fault of their own or at least one they're unaware of. I was raised by a narcissist and when I started to reflect on my past, I noticed almost all the friends i had in each phase of my life - outside of group I joined, were toxic in various degrees. The blame then should be on kid me not leaving, yes? But how can I do that not even being aware of this. I was born in a toxic environment so these toxic people were normal. I am a victim of these people and I've tried my best to figure out how I can fault myself in it. I cannot see it. Ignorance I suppose the blame I'd put on myself but how do you blame yourself for not knowing?**♥ 3source record 131 **Totally agree with you. In fact, one of my big issues with trying to use support for recovery is that people will tell you you're codependent as a result of the abuse. And yes, many victims do develop codependence, but it's entirely a reactive adaptation to the abuse. It gets very dicey to take responsibility for dealing with the codependence while not losing perspective on how it developed. I've heard more than one therapist cross over into basically victim blaming.**♥ 2source record 132 **Thanks for understanding. I always see these threads and "constantly the victim" is one of the top ones. It always makes me feel bad because I am that but idk how to take responsibility for it outside of unconsciously staying longer than I should. I also think it's unfair sometimes. If I had my legs cut off, I'm not gonna be a paralympian that writes a best selling book. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to overcome it, but I refused to be shamed for it. I'm sorry you dealt with that in therapy. It can be very damaging if you don't have the right perspective. How did you deal with it?**♥ 2source record 133 **Someone who is a victim may unintentionally be negative or sometimes blurt out downer stuff or unintentionally often make you feel sorry for them. Someone who has a victim mindset often finds lots of things going wrong in their life, is often angry, will talk about how they were ripped off or hard done by often, not just now and then, will expect too much of people, will be disappointed easily. Feels safe or enjoys it when people feel sorry for them. Often victims would like people to understand them, but they are horrified by people feeling sorry for them or pity.**♥ 19source record 134 **Bad phrasing on my part sorry, genuine victims want to be understood, not pitied, narcissistic types like pity, you’re right**♥ 4source record 136 **As someone who used to do this there’s no distinction. Someone stuck in a victim mentality is stuck replaying patterns from some event that they haven’t moved on from, likely early childhood. What ended it for me was finally getting what I needed: simply comfort and someone being there when I was upset. I never received it because I only played out the pattern when I was actually to blame or partially to blame, so I never received it and stayed in the victim mentality. Until one day I did receive it when I was genuinely innocent. This isn’t obvious human behavior. Playing the victim is largely unconscious and the person genuinely feels like a victim even when they are not. It’s a confusing situation. They need help healing and often can’t get it because they are stuck defending who they are.**♥ 16source record 137 **Ok so it sounds like someone who maybe has circumstances they are not happy about but not doing anything to better the situation. And is maybe delegating responsibility to others. But I do fret because some issues are large enough that they need communal intervention.**♥ 6source record 138 **Real victims often don't want to be seen that way and will try to show what they have done to overcome it. Usually they don't engage in sympathy-seeking.**♥ 1source record 529 **It’s normally easy enough to tell . In situations where you can’t tell, then I suppose you have to give that person the benefit of the doubt. They can only fool you once. As long as you don’t fall for it a second time, you’ve not really lost anything.**♥ 1source record 531 **The refusal to acknowledge any responsibility on their end and when their problems are always due to others.**♥ 1source record 532 **The difference is very noticeable listen to the story of both sides real victim will tell Thier struggle and issues and how the other person was just the part of story while the person acting like victim will blame other person character no matter what they explain they will always end up blaming and focus on blaming the other person**♥ 1source record 533 **victimhood- truly something difficult happening and the person is taking steps to get better victim mentality- is \*\*constant and non stop\*\*.matter what happens, including when people set a boundary with them, when people make mistakes, when people dont like them, when they do things you dont like- they somehow convince themselves and others- that they've been hurt. dead giveaway for \*\*covert NPD\*\* and they are energy vampires the negativity kills you slowly even before they begin their tactics**♥ 1source record 534 **I think a big tell is how early into the friendship/relationship they tell you these things. I mean sometimes you get deep with people you click with but there have been times where it's someone I don't know that well tells me all their trauma and how they've been wronged so many times etc etc. I think there are just lots of people that want to be heard but then there are also manipulative people that use it to get close very quickly or they share in hopes that you will also share so they can use it against you later.**♥ 1source record 537 **I see it more as a “someone taught me this (trauma/rule), and now a more impactful force has to prove different. The “taught logic” is so concretely established into the person’s mindset they literally cannot imagine another avenue of fulfillment , especially not from themselves. So maybe the responsibility should be a little on others, but on themselves also.**♥ 1source record 565 **I relate to your comments more than you know. I actually was victimized for way longer and more severely because I didn't see myself as a victim. Now, I am very careful to deliberately acknowledge what happened because I'm still discovering ways it has affected me unconsciously. If I'm not careful, I'll internalize the effects as coming from me and assume I'm responsible. It's what I did for literally decades. I was unaware of what was happening to me because of the psychological nature of the abuse and because my entire family gaslit me that it was normal. I believe I was groomed for it through the enabling. It's hard to describe, but extremely dark and rooted in generational trauma and severe mental health disorders. Honestly, I'm not sure some people overcome it. I think that's part of what you were saying. I'm super happy when I see someone who seems to have recovered. There's a woman who posted in this same thread about her similar experience who seems to have, and I loved reading her posts. But yeah, I think some people have to move forward without a real prospect of recovery.**♥ 1source record 794 Archive: 16 index entries preserve 16 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs No accountability, and the story reversed18 index entriesThe complaint turned around until the person raising it is at fault. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: No accountability, and the story reversed Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### No accountability, and the story reversed 18 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 248 **Appears when:** No accountability, and the story reversed **What the pattern means:** What happens once the behaviour is raised. Commenters report the complaint denied, minimised, or turned around until the person raising it is the one at fault, and more than one names the sequence outright. A related group describes a rift the person caused and then declined to repair, and one describes being told the memory itself is wrong. **What commenters described:** When you tell them you’re hurt by something they did and not only are you ignored, but you’re then gaslit and made out to be like you’re the one who did something wrong - to them. Blows my mind. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Taking accountability is a big one for me. Especially when presented with facts contrary to their behavior or words. Then they continue to DARVO. From the replies♥ 21 My mom taught me that if they’re talking about others then they’re talking about you too! From the replies♥ 3 #### Where commenters report limits Explicit limit or counterpoint It's a subtle warning that could be easy to miss initially, but it's usually a coercive abuser testing the waters... source record 772♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source If they don’t take accountability or if they spread unsavory rumors, then my guard is immediately up. source record 237♥ 77 Later-arriving source It's a subtle warning that could be easy to miss initially, but it's usually a coercive abuser testing the waters... posted about 27.4 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source That is literally the dictionary definition of gaslighting. They’re trying to convince you that your reality isn’t true posted about 20.8 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 18 source records, 0 explicitly report a benefit and 1 explicitly report a limit or failure. These are attributed experiences, not effectiveness data. 18index entries 18distinct source records 40.9%of parent category 3.1%of the complete index 12top-level comments 6replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 1explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 15other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments18 preserved records · 18 of 18 source records accounted for **If they don’t take accountability or if they spread unsavory rumors, then my guard is immediately up.**♥ 77source record 237 **Taking accountability is a big one for me. Especially when presented with facts contrary to their behavior or words. Then they continue to DARVO.**♥ 21source record 238 **agree. when I saw that behaviour I ran. when the covert narc begin darvo their mask is starting to slip**♥ 2source record 240 **When you tell them you’re hurt by something they did and not only are you ignored, but you’re then gaslit and made out to be like you’re the one who did something wrong - to them. Blows my mind.**♥ 34source record 248 **DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim and offender**♥ 12source record 249 **Chronically blaming others, never apologizing, never taking responsibility**♥ 17source record 300 **“There are so many people who have it so much worse, so be thankful” 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯**♥ 15source record 302 **Emotional immaturity**♥ 6source record 344 **Causing a rift (eg lying), then either minimizing or not bothering to even try to repair the rift they know they caused.**♥ 4source record 383 **Self-infantalization.**♥ 3source record 392 **Those who lack accountability.**♥ 2source record 427 **Not sure how to make this clear and specific but … when people try to convince other people that their interpretations or memories are wrong (and you know for a fact they’re not).**♥ 2source record 441 **Also people that make excuses for/act like you’re overreacting to someone who seriously wronged you - but in their personal life, they have cut off people for LESS.**♥ 1source record 469 **Wenn das Wort aber in jedem zweiten Satz vorkommt und Menschen die jegliche Verantwortung abgeben gerade was ihre eigene körperliche und psychische Gesundheit angeht.**♥ 1source record 473 **I do not like when people assume my experience to make themself feel better. Just the other day, my roommate came clean about eating my food. She said, “I figured you’d be okay with it since not a lot was left.” I don’t care about the food she ate, but I do care that instead of saying “sorry, should’ve asked first” she justified her decision to eat my food by convincing herself I wanted the food eaten. Small, dumb, but to me is a major 🚩**♥ 1source record 606 **That is literally the dictionary definition of gaslighting. They’re trying to convince you that your reality isn’t true**♥ 1source record 652 **Yeah, but there’s that more subtle precursor you know? Someone looking you right in the eye and saying “I never said that” etc**♥ 2source record 653 **It's a subtle warning that could be easy to miss initially, but it's usually a coercive abuser testing the waters...**♥ 1source record 772 Archive: 18 index entries preserve 18 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs A different person in every room12 records · 3 sub-topicsBehaviour that reorganises itself around whoever is watching. 12 records. The personality that changes with the audience6 index entriesOpinions and manner that re-form around whoever just walked in. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: The personality that changes with the audience Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### The personality that changes with the audience 6 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 256 **Appears when:** The personality that changes with the audience **What the pattern means:** Opinions and manner re-forming around whoever has just walked in. The group carries its own strongest objection: several commenters point out that everyone adjusts by context and that a completely static personality would be the odder thing, and relocate the cue to reversals of stated position rather than changes of register. **What commenters described:** Everyone does this. You act differently around your boss than you do around your friends, and differently around your friends than you do around your mom. I guess if you’re telling your boss how much you love golf and your friend walks in and you start talking about how much you hate golf, that’s suspicious. But most of the time, it’s normal social calibration. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Everyone does this. You act differently around your boss than you do around your friends, and differently around your friends than you do around your mom. I guess if you’re telling your boss how much you love golf and your friend walks in and you start talking about how much you hate golf, that’s suspicious. But most of the time, it’s normal social calibration. From the replies♥ 6 YESS. This one is huge and I know too many people like this. From the replies♥ 5 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source When their personality changes depending on who's in the room. source record 252♥ 85 Later-arriving source 100%. This is emotional intelligence, reading a room, and having a little charisma. If your personality is completely static in every room and every crowd, that’s more concerning in my opinion posted about 32.0 hours after the source♥ 3 Low-like source Not little, but presenting themselves as what they think will appeal to the person/audience in front of them - and being absolutely clueless that different people are tracking this behavior. posted about 30.4 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 6 source records, 2 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 6index entries 6distinct source records 50%of parent category 1%of the complete index 4top-level comments 2replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 4other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments6 preserved records · 6 of 6 source records accounted for **When their personality changes depending on who's in the room.**♥ 85source record 252 **Everyone does this. You act differently around your boss than you do around your friends, and differently around your friends than you do around your mom. I guess if you’re telling your boss how much you love golf and your friend walks in and you start talking about how much you hate golf, that’s suspicious. But most of the time, it’s normal social calibration.**♥ 6source record 256 **100%. This is emotional intelligence, reading a room, and having a little charisma. If your personality is completely static in every room and every crowd, that’s more concerning in my opinion**♥ 3source record 257 **Changing their opinion to agree with mine, claiming they were thinking that already, after they already stated the contrary prior…**♥ 1source record 630 **When they look around to gage people's reactions after everything they do...**♥ 1source record 681 **Not little, but presenting themselves as what they think will appeal to the person/audience in front of them - and being absolutely clueless that different people are tracking this behavior.**♥ 1source record 726 Archive: 6 index entries preserve 6 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Deference upward, contempt downward2 index entriesWarmth reserved for people who can do something for them. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Deference upward, contempt downward Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Deference upward, contempt downward 2 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 416 **Appears when:** Deference upward, contempt downward **What the pattern means:** The same asymmetry as above, measured against power rather than familiarity. The two records describe warmth reserved for bosses, wealthy people and the well connected, a different manner for everyone else, and the visible effort of being seen to do it. **What commenters described:** When they act totally different around people with power (bosses, rich people, well-known people, well-connected people) than they act around everyone else. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source When they act totally different around people with power (bosses, rich people, well-known people, well-connected people) than they act around everyone else. source record 416♥ 2 Later-arriving source someone who will do anything necessary to be recognized by management. The pick me behavior is a no go for me. posted about 22.4 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 2 source records, 1 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 2index entries 2distinct source records 16.7%of parent category 0.3%of the complete index 2top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 1other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments2 preserved records · 2 of 2 source records accounted for **When they act totally different around people with power (bosses, rich people, well-known people, well-connected people) than they act around everyone else.**♥ 2source record 416 **someone who will do anything necessary to be recognized by management. The pick me behavior is a no go for me.**♥ 1source record 689 Archive: 2 index entries preserve 2 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs The moment the mask slipped4 index entriesA second of unguarded expression that did not match the rest. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: The moment the mask slipped Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### The moment the mask slipped 4 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 706 **Appears when:** The moment the mask slipped **What the pattern means:** A single unguarded second reported as more informative than the hours around it: an expression changing the moment someone turned away, a flicker of pleasure at bad news. Commenters describe the impression as immediate, rare, and not fading afterwards — one says it has happened to them once or twice in a lifetime. **What commenters described:** While they’re talking with someone they’re smiling and seem kind but the second they turn away their entire energy and demeanor goes dark. I’ve seen it a few times and it’s chilling. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Agreed. When you see this happen for real it is very unnerving. Only had it happen once or twice in real life and it was not good. From the replies♥ 1 My mom was on home hospice and her new aide was so obsessed with my newborn and kept asking to hold her. I told her sorry but that’s not why she’s there. “Oh of course, I understand” to my face as I was bringing her upstairs. When I turned back the chilling look she gave me was absolutely terrifying. I put then baby in her crib and marched downstairs and fired her. I learned long ago to trust my instincts when I get that chilled feeling up my spine and I wanted her OUT of my home that minute. Turns out, that fucking bitch STOLE the hand knit baby clothing my dying mother had made for my newborn. She’s lucky I had too much on my plate to hunt her down at the time. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source People who look delighted then you mention something bad that happened/is happening to you. source record 752♥ 1 Later-arriving source My mom was on home hospice and her new aide was so obsessed with my newborn and kept asking to hold her. I told her sorry but that’s not why she’s there. “Oh of course, I understand” to my face as I was bringing her upstairs. When I turned back the chilling look she gave me was absolutely terrifying. I put then baby in her crib and marched downstairs and fired her. I learned long ago to trust my instincts when I get that chilled feeling up my spine and I wanted her OUT of my home that minute. Turns out, that fucking bitch STOLE the hand knit baby clothing my dying mother had made for my newborn. She’s lucky I had too much on my plate to hunt her down at the time. posted about 31.5 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Agreed. When you see this happen for real it is very unnerving. Only had it happen once or twice in real life and it was not good. posted about 30.2 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show This report keeps all 4 source records for The moment the mask slipped together and surfaces traceable examples without converting anecdotes into proof. 4index entries 4distinct source records 33.3%of parent category 0.7%of the complete index 2top-level comments 2replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 0asks a question 0says they intend to try it 4other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments4 preserved records · 4 of 4 source records accounted for **While they’re talking with someone they’re smiling and seem kind but the second they turn away their entire energy and demeanor goes dark. I’ve seen it a few times and it’s chilling.**♥ 1source record 706 **Agreed. When you see this happen for real it is very unnerving. Only had it happen once or twice in real life and it was not good.**♥ 1source record 707 **My mom was on home hospice and her new aide was so obsessed with my newborn and kept asking to hold her. I told her sorry but that’s not why she’s there. “Oh of course, I understand” to my face as I was bringing her upstairs. When I turned back the chilling look she gave me was absolutely terrifying. I put then baby in her crib and marched downstairs and fired her. I learned long ago to trust my instincts when I get that chilled feeling up my spine and I wanted her OUT of my home that minute. Turns out, that fucking bitch STOLE the hand knit baby clothing my dying mother had made for my newborn. She’s lucky I had too much on my plate to hunt her down at the time.**♥ 1source record 708 **People who look delighted then you mention something bad that happened/is happening to you.**♥ 1source record 752 Archive: 4 index entries preserve 4 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Too much, too fast71 records · 6 sub-topicsWarmth arriving ahead of any reason for it. 71 records. Instant intimacy and love bombing14 index entriesCloseness claimed long before it was earned. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Instant intimacy and love bombing Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Instant intimacy and love bombing 14 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 279 **Appears when:** Instant intimacy and love bombing **What the pattern means:** Closeness claimed ahead of any basis for it: kin terms on first meeting, romance vocabulary between near-strangers, unsolicited advice from someone a week old, an institution announcing that it is a family. Commenters separate this from ordinary warmth — one fast-bonder answers the complaint directly — and locate the cue in over-familiarity rather than friendliness. **What commenters described:** There is a difference between being genuine and being over familiar/too nice. I’m a pretty reserved person. I don’t think people would describe me as nice but id like to think people would describe me as genuine once they got to know me. My partner on the other hand is a genuinely loving person who looks for the good in everyone. Many times people have taken advantage of her kindness but she will never change. It’s who she is. Even though I have to pick up the pieces sometimes, I would never want her to change. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 There is a difference between being genuine and being over familiar/too nice. I’m a pretty reserved person. I don’t think people would describe me as nice but id like to think people would describe me as genuine once they got to know me. My partner on the other hand is a genuinely loving person who looks for the good in everyone. Many times people have taken advantage of her kindness but she will never change. It’s who she is. Even though I have to pick up the pieces sometimes, I would never want her to change. From the replies♥ 10 I do this often. I mean I don’t go too far but I can feel comfortable real quick with people. It’s like my friendliness is contagious and I can build quick bonds since I’m not playing a character, it’s my authentic self From the replies♥ 9 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Especially when you just met them and they talk to you like you're an old buddy. My red flags go up when that happens. source record 146♥ 20 Later-arriving source "We're like a family here' posted about 41.3 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source when they act like they know you so well when yall just met (or are recently getting to know each other), & they give you unsolicited advice. and don’t really pay attention to what you’re actually saying posted about 38.5 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 14 source records, 1 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 14index entries 14distinct source records 19.7%of parent category 2.4%of the complete index 10top-level comments 4replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 13other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments14 preserved records · 14 of 14 source records accounted for **Especially when you just met them and they talk to you like you're an old buddy. My red flags go up when that happens.**♥ 20source record 146 **Acting like we're great friends when they just met me.**♥ 20source record 277 **I do this often. I mean I don’t go too far but I can feel comfortable real quick with people. It’s like my friendliness is contagious and I can build quick bonds since I’m not playing a character, it’s my authentic self**♥ 9source record 278 **There is a difference between being genuine and being over familiar/too nice. I’m a pretty reserved person. I don’t think people would describe me as nice but id like to think people would describe me as genuine once they got to know me. My partner on the other hand is a genuinely loving person who looks for the good in everyone. Many times people have taken advantage of her kindness but she will never change. It’s who she is. Even though I have to pick up the pieces sometimes, I would never want her to change.**♥ 10source record 279 **Approaching me in public without any context**♥ 5source record 353 **Over familiarity. Being too nice.**♥ 2source record 408 **A quick switch to calling sweet names and flirt is a red flag. I knew a person who would show signs of romance towards me but we never knew one another close enough.**♥ 2source record 433 **Saying "welcome to the family" and calling me thinks like "sister"**♥ 2source record 456 **Basically love bombing.**♥ 2source record 458 **I got put into a apartment at the college I just transferred to. One apartment 4 girls. One of the girls asked in the group-chat if she could have her bf over. I never met her in person and she asked this the same day the group chat was created. I basically said no and she texted a few days later she got switched into another apartment. I wish her new roommates luck. I did some research and her bf is a alumni, I have reason to believe her bf would be another unofficial roommate.**♥ 1source record 586 **An immediately clingy person. When you first meet them and they sort of “latch” onto you. There are exceptions of course, but in my experience people who do that lean on the more shallow side.**♥ 1source record 621 **Love bombing**♥ 1source record 750 **when they act like they know you so well when yall just met (or are recently getting to know each other), & they give you unsolicited advice. and don’t really pay attention to what you’re actually saying**♥ 1source record 756 **"We're like a family here'**♥ 1source record 763 Archive: 14 index entries preserve 14 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Saying your name over and over10 index entriesA rapport technique used often enough to become visible. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Saying your name over and over Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Saying your name over and over 10 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 229 **Appears when:** Saying your name over and over **What the pattern means:** A rapport technique used often enough to become visible as a technique. Commenters report it arriving with high enthusiasm and read the pair as scripted; one describes a colleague who used it in every sentence for a week after a communication course. Two records run the other way and treat never using a name — calling a child 'the boy' — as its own kind of distance. **What commenters described:** It comes off as they just read the book, "How to make friends and not alienate people". Update your self-help books people. Everyone knows when you're using "tips" from that book and it's disingenuous and off-putting when you say my name twenty times in a conversation weirdo **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 It comes off as they just read the book, "How to make friends and not alienate people". Update your self-help books people. Everyone knows when you're using "tips" from that book and it's disingenuous and off-putting when you say my name twenty times in a conversation weirdo From the replies♥ 35 MY BOSS TO A T. I swear, I know he probably means well but man, I’m not sure over ever actually met the real guy, just this weird fake persona he puts on. Gives me the creeps From the replies♥ 18 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Using my name repeatedly, being overly eager and enthusiastic. Fake as fk and I want nothing to do with the person source record 228♥ 123 Later-arriving source Many years ago, I was working a production line next to a guy who’s been on a short course for business communication. He used my name in every single sentence for a week. It became oppressive, though I didn’t call him out on it. It’s something I’ve become very attuned to now obv, though it still works on me if the person is charming enough. posted about 38.3 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Over using your name when speaking to you. posted about 27.9 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show This report keeps all 10 source records for Saying your name over and over together and surfaces traceable examples without converting anecdotes into proof. 10index entries 10distinct source records 14.1%of parent category 1.7%of the complete index 4top-level comments 6replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 0asks a question 0says they intend to try it 10other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments10 preserved records · 10 of 10 source records accounted for **Using my name repeatedly, being overly eager and enthusiastic. Fake as fk and I want nothing to do with the person**♥ 123source record 228 **It comes off as they just read the book, "How to make friends and not alienate people". Update your self-help books people. Everyone knows when you're using "tips" from that book and it's disingenuous and off-putting when you say my name twenty times in a conversation weirdo**♥ 35source record 229 **MY BOSS TO A T. I swear, I know he probably means well but man, I’m not sure over ever actually met the real guy, just this weird fake persona he puts on. Gives me the creeps**♥ 18source record 231 **Im not, generally, overly enthusiastic when meeting new people, but the way my brain works, if I don't repeatedly use your name, you'll forever be know as some form of dude**♥ 2source record 232 **People who over use my name in conversations. Once at the beginning to let me know I'm being spoken to is fine. Much more than that makes me think you're pulling a scam.**♥ 3source record 370 **Yup; makes it feel like they’re trying too hard to make things more personal so they can reel you in**♥ 2source record 372 **Over nicely behaviour . Also calling other people not but their names just adress them in an impersonal way. For example , a parent calling his/her child "the kid" , instead of using name. Hey kid instead of hey Danny/Marc/Sheila whatever. Parteners calling themselves "Mum" / "Dad" are freaks also. Not calling someone by name is a lack of respect especially when is a close person(family,friend)**♥ 1source record 472 **Many years ago, I was working a production line next to a guy who’s been on a short course for business communication. He used my name in every single sentence for a week. It became oppressive, though I didn’t call him out on it. It’s something I’ve become very attuned to now obv, though it still works on me if the person is charming enough.**♥ 1source record 516 **My ex did this constantly with my son. Referred to him always as “the boy” in texts, emails , in person, and not in a “telling a funny kid story “ way. years of this. Same BF gave me 3 options for boy names written on paper that i got to select from, when i visited their house one night. Soit wasnt a name aversion thing. he was weird.**♥ 1source record 645 **Over using your name when speaking to you.**♥ 1source record 711 Archive: 10 index entries preserve 10 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Oversharing in the first week9 index entriesHeavy disclosure early, leaving you holding something you did not ask for. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Oversharing in the first week Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Oversharing in the first week 9 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 597 **Appears when:** Oversharing in the first week **What the pattern means:** Heavy personal disclosure arriving before the relationship can hold it. What commenters report is the obligation it creates — you are now carrying something you did not ask for — and, in several accounts, the withdrawal that follows it. Two records come from people who say they do this and name autism or ADHD as the reason. **What commenters described:** oversharing early on and then pulling back.. to me sharing personal info is a sign of trust.. to some is a way of getting attention and validation.. it's a sign of low self esteem and (mostly involuntary) manipulation cause you are now left carrying sensitive info about someone (and if you care about them it's even worse) without being 'allowed' to show your affection cause since they have pulled back they now show a way colder persona as if they don't care about you or your bond.. anytime anyone overshares early on in the relationship/friendship i got doubts of their intentions **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added1 And for me its ADHD. I've always overtalked, overshared, and been loud. But i try my best to be an honorable griend. From the replies♥ 6 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Over sharing to set yourself up to over share in obligation. Coming in too fast to want trust source record 313♥ 12 Later-arriving source They start sharing really personal things very quickly. posted about 33.3 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source When they share too much when you don’t know them very well posted about 19.8 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “i dont want to” recurs across 2 of the 9 source records in Oversharing in the first week; the complete archive stays available below. 9index entries 9distinct source records 12.7%of parent category 1.6%of the complete index 7top-level comments 2replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 8other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments9 preserved records · 9 of 9 source records accounted for **Over sharing to set yourself up to over share in obligation. Coming in too fast to want trust**♥ 12source record 313 **I do this, but it’s autism.**♥ 4source record 314 **And for me its ADHD. I've always overtalked, overshared, and been loud. But i try my best to be an honorable griend.**♥ 6source record 315 **oversharing early on and then pulling back.. to me sharing personal info is a sign of trust.. to some is a way of getting attention and validation.. it's a sign of low self esteem and (mostly involuntary) manipulation cause you are now left carrying sensitive info about someone (and if you care about them it's even worse) without being 'allowed' to show your affection cause since they have pulled back they now show a way colder persona as if they don't care about you or your bond.. anytime anyone overshares early on in the relationship/friendship i got doubts of their intentions**♥ 1source record 597 **Over sharing immediately.**♥ 1source record 598 **Oversharing in the first months of meeting me. Idc if youre a friend, coworker, or romantic interest. I dont want to know your traumatic life story until we've known each other for a year, at least. Quit that shit. Red. Fucking. Flag. Speaking from a background of incredible trauma that I don't just burden random, temporary humans that come and go into my life for funsies or validation. Its gross.**♥ 1source record 607 **When they share too much when you don’t know them very well**♥ 1source record 616 **They start sharing really personal things very quickly.**♥ 1source record 745 **Telling me they feel ‘vulnerable’ around me after very little interaction. There’s no reason they need to tell me that. If they genuinely feel it, cool, I don’t need to be told, in fact, I can usually tell a person is feeling that way based on how open they are about personal stuff. It doesn’t need to be said, and when it’s coming from a random stranger in my inbox who’ve I’ve exchanged a grand total of three text with, it’s a red flag. There’s actually a manipulation trick where a person will say ‘they feel vulnerable or calm with you’ with the end goal to get your guard down so that you’ll be more open with them. It’s used if they’re trying to force a relationship asap (similar to lovebombing) or get personal info out of you. So I’m not wrong about seeing this behavior in a negative light. It just sucks because some people might actually be sincere about it and I don’t want to sound cold or uncaring. But like I said earlier, if you are sincere about feeling that way, you don’t need to announce it, you can just show it. It’s the calling attention to it esp right out of the gate when we are complete strangers that’s a problem.**♥ 1source record 811 Archive: 9 index entries preserve 9 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Charm that set off alarms15 index entriesLikeability so frictionless that commenters treated it as data. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Charm that set off alarms Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Charm that set off alarms 15 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 447 **Appears when:** Charm that set off alarms **What the pattern means:** Likeability treated as data rather than as a quality. The specific claim is about frictionlessness: someone disliked by nobody, or friendly to everyone without discrimination, or charming on first contact. Commenters describe preferring visible friction and say they have been proved right; this is also the group furthest from anything the thread could check. **What commenters described:** Isn't disliked by a single person they know. I know it sounds petty but it's Impossible to be liked by literally everyone you meet, it's indicative of charm. That level of charm is always concerning to me. I've been right about this a few times. Everyone is always so surprised when their true colors come out, but I always clock it years before and of course nobody ever listens to me on it. I've learned that I can't waste my mental energy on trying to warn people who won't ever listen and I have to let the pieces land where they may fall. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Trying to be everyone’s friend. Nothing wrong to being friendly towards people but when someone isn’t discerning about their circle and wants everyone to like them even questionable people I don’t trust them at all. Also people who remain friends with people after they’ve unequivocally wronged one of their other friends. Absolutely not! source record 362♥ 5 Later-arriving source Charming,I do tend to be wäre first posted about 33.4 hours after the source♥ 1 Zero-like source When someone is too friendly with everyone. posted about 2.8 hours after the source♥ -1 #### What the counts show Within 15 source records, 1 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 15index entries 15distinct source records 21.1%of parent category 2.6%of the complete index 15top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 14other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments15 preserved records · 15 of 15 source records accounted for **Charming people**♥ 7source record 336 **Trying to be everyone’s friend. Nothing wrong to being friendly towards people but when someone isn’t discerning about their circle and wants everyone to like them even questionable people I don’t trust them at all. Also people who remain friends with people after they’ve unequivocally wronged one of their other friends. Absolutely not!**♥ 5source record 362 **Everyone describing them as the nicest, most perfect person.**♥ 2source record 425 **Isn't disliked by a single person they know. I know it sounds petty but it's Impossible to be liked by literally everyone you meet, it's indicative of charm. That level of charm is always concerning to me. I've been right about this a few times. Everyone is always so surprised when their true colors come out, but I always clock it years before and of course nobody ever listens to me on it. I've learned that I can't waste my mental energy on trying to warn people who won't ever listen and I have to let the pieces land where they may fall.**♥ 2source record 447 **No discernment.**♥ 1source record 478 **Too charming when I meet them in the first place**♥ 1source record 484 **Manipulative, ‘social butterflies’ are usually undercover narcissists looking for validation. Also, when a person is lying about small things.**♥ 1source record 486 **Charisma, better the evil I can see vs the kind I can’t . Also when they tell you who they are instead of show you**♥ 1source record 608 **Having charisma A trait that is overly prioritised in our society. Anyone can be superficiality charismatic when you first meet them and get to know a person It's being able to discern quickly whether that person has bad intentions and/or an agenda. Some naturally charismatic people are perfectly harmless, but it can be very hard to tell initially**♥ 1source record 625 **I once had friend by all appearances was a popular individual. I soon realized that all her friends were just from one hobby she had shared with them, and that none of those people actually wanted to spend time with her because she had to document all her life drama on Instagram and complain that people didn't want to hang with her or be close to her. I knew her for thirty years and the mere suggestion of talking to a therapist was an attack on her ego. Nothing improved after that conversation.**♥ 1source record 715 **Effusive charm, especially in men.**♥ 1source record 739 **Charming,I do tend to be wäre first**♥ 1source record 746 **Being extremely charming. A lot of people view that as a good thing. To me it sets off alarm bells.**♥ 0source record 832 **Too nice**♥ -1source record 842 **When someone is too friendly with everyone.**♥ -1source record 843 Archive: 15 index entries preserve 15 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Name-dropping and borrowed status8 index entriesStanding imported from other people's names. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Name-dropping and borrowed status Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Name-dropping and borrowed status 8 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 744 **Appears when:** Name-dropping and borrowed status **What the pattern means:** Standing imported from other people's names, or from money, access and connections produced unprompted. Commenters describe the pause afterwards — the wait to be recognised — as the actual tell, and read the display as insecurity rather than status. One record notes the same transactional logic running in the opposite direction, from the people being climbed. **What commenters described:** Name droppers - especially when they refer to someone “important” by their first name only or some random nickname to signal how close they are. I have a couple of acquaintances — one connected to local politics and one connected to the comic book industry—both name drop people literally nobody knows about and then wait for me to ask, “Who is Rob!” So they can say, “You don’t know Rob BONTA, the State Attorney General? We have been friends for years… blah blah blah.” Mmkay. When you know Barry and Michelle from Chicago, hit me up. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I once was hanging out with my extended family, wealthy cousins I don't see often, and they were talking down about people who only use them to climb socially. From the replies♥ 1 Yes that definitely happens too. It’s generally off-putting when people make it so obvious that their intentions are selfish and transactional, whichever direction it’s going. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source They somehow have a connection/know everyone. source record 328♥ 9 Later-arriving source Yes that definitely happens too. It’s generally off-putting when people make it so obvious that their intentions are selfish and transactional, whichever direction it’s going. posted about 42.7 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source I once was hanging out with my extended family, wealthy cousins I don't see often, and they were talking down about people who only use them to climb socially. posted about 41.2 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 8 source records, 1 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 8index entries 8distinct source records 11.3%of parent category 1.4%of the complete index 6top-level comments 2replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 7other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments8 preserved records · 8 of 8 source records accounted for **They somehow have a connection/know everyone.**♥ 9source record 328 **Showing off/humble bragging, or anything in that vicinity. If I get even a whiff of someone trying to rub their money, supposed social status, connections, VIP experiences or encounters with people of influence- in my face, they automatically reek of insecurity and phoniness. In my experience, they are 100% always selfishly motivated and opportunistic, and just sizing everybody up to see who they can take advantage of, or whose resources (money, time, energy) they can exploit. The minute they realize I’m not interested in further inflating their ego and sense of self-importance, or servicing their agenda, they can’t be bothered to engage with me anymore.**♥ 3source record 389 **They amp up that they know people. Especially if they drop in what they person does for them. It is always them misreading politeness for friendship and pushing relationships with people who otherwise don't care.**♥ 1source record 466 **Name dropping and self-aggrandizing.**♥ 1source record 585 **I once was hanging out with my extended family, wealthy cousins I don't see often, and they were talking down about people who only use them to climb socially.**♥ 1source record 661 **Yes that definitely happens too. It’s generally off-putting when people make it so obvious that their intentions are selfish and transactional, whichever direction it’s going.**♥ 1source record 662 **Bragging on themselves.**♥ 1source record 724 **Name droppers - especially when they refer to someone “important” by their first name only or some random nickname to signal how close they are. I have a couple of acquaintances — one connected to local politics and one connected to the comic book industry—both name drop people literally nobody knows about and then wait for me to ask, “Who is Rob!” So they can say, “You don’t know Rob BONTA, the State Attorney General? We have been friends for years… blah blah blah.” Mmkay. When you know Barry and Michelle from Chicago, hit me up.**♥ 1source record 744 Archive: 8 index entries preserve 8 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Praise turned all the way up15 index entriesCompliments delivered at a volume the relationship does not support. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Praise turned all the way up Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Praise turned all the way up 15 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 684 **Appears when:** Praise turned all the way up **What the pattern means:** Compliments delivered at a volume the relationship does not support: pet names for strangers, appreciation of you as a whole person from someone who has known you two minutes, laughter at everything you say. Commenters describe it as sales register — and one record inside the group answers that they say it and mean it. **What commenters described:** So those are the times that don't feel "off." When someone has known me for 2 minutes and only in the context of the thing I just did, it doesn't feel genuine that they appreciate me as a whole person. They don't know me as a whole person. The people I know who say it to strangers are all salesmen and have admitted to me that it's a tactic to build false intimacy/trust. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Aww... I say that lol. But I mean it. I appreciate you as a whole person not for just the little thing that was done. From the replies♥ 1 So those are the times that don't feel "off." When someone has known me for 2 minutes and only in the context of the thing I just did, it doesn't feel genuine that they appreciate me as a whole person. They don't know me as a whole person. The people I know who say it to strangers are all salesmen and have admitted to me that it's a tactic to build false intimacy/trust. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Comments or questions about my looks or body. source record 357♥ 5 Later-arriving source Over complimenting. Comes off as insincere and ass kissy posted about 32.8 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Salespeople are the worst for that aren't they posted about 28.1 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “as a whole person” recurs across 2 of the 15 source records in Praise turned all the way up; the complete archive stays available below. 15index entries 15distinct source records 21.1%of parent category 2.6%of the complete index 12top-level comments 3replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 6asks a question 0says they intend to try it 9other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments15 preserved records · 15 of 15 source records accounted for **Comments or questions about my looks or body.**♥ 5source record 357 **Too much sincerity**♥ 2source record 411 **When they laugh at every single thing you say for your approval**♥ 2source record 412 **the people who use words like “diva,” “queen,” and “gorgeous” all the time... like “hi diva” “how can I help you queen?” or “OMGGG you’re so beautiful” please, just shut up**♥ 5source record 455 **Laughs too much**♥ 1source record 476 **Someone who has a positive remark about everything. Or someone who is happy all the time.**♥ 1source record 611 **When another woman calls me (f) sweetie lol**♥ 1source record 613 **When their voice goes up an octave when speaking to you and they have a smile that doesn’t match the occasion. They’re trying to come off as friendly but it’s obviously fake af.**♥ 1source record 675 **quando ela é carente por atenção e supervaloriza pequenas ações de estranhos**♥ 1source record 680 **When people say, "I appreciate you," instead of, "I appreciate it." Every once in a while, someone I know well will say it in a way that feels genuine, but it usually feels off.**♥ 1source record 682 **Aww... I say that lol. But I mean it. I appreciate you as a whole person not for just the little thing that was done.**♥ 1source record 683 **So those are the times that don't feel "off." When someone has known me for 2 minutes and only in the context of the thing I just did, it doesn't feel genuine that they appreciate me as a whole person. They don't know me as a whole person. The people I know who say it to strangers are all salesmen and have admitted to me that it's a tactic to build false intimacy/trust.**♥ 1source record 684 **When someone is insecure / needs constant validation.**♥ 1source record 729 **Over complimenting. Comes off as insincere and ass kissy**♥ 1source record 740 **Salespeople are the worst for that aren't they**♥ 1source record 781 Archive: 15 index entries preserve 15 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Conversations that only run one way29 records · 3 sub-topicsAttention that flows in, never out. 29 records. Questions that only go one way11 index entriesInterest that collects and never reciprocates. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Questions that only go one way Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Questions that only go one way 11 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 227 **Appears when:** Questions that only go one way **What the pattern means:** Interest that collects and never returns. Commenters describe rapid questioning with no reciprocal curiosity, contact that stops once the answers are given, and in one account information supplied that way used later to mock them in front of colleagues. Two records come from people who question that way and say they simply prefer getting to the point. **What commenters described:** I have a family member who does this and it annoys the ever living hell out of me. Constantly messaging me asking specific questions about how I’m doing, my job, my kids, etc. but when i try to be polite and give a typical response to something like “we’re good! and how are you?” “Kids are fine, toddlers are hard! How’s your kid?” “Work is alright, looking forward to a break! How’s it going for you?” she just ghosts the conversation. Then a couple weeks later messages me, ignores my question to ask more about my life. Sometimes she asks more follow up questions too for specific details of things which I try to answer but I find even weirder. I’m pretty close to blocking her tbh. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I told my therapist this was unacceptable and they didn't appreciate the feedback. From the replies♥ 21 Tbh I sometimes catch myself doing this. For me it’s more because oftentimes I don’t like to talk a lot about unnecessary things and just get to the point and ask certain question I’m curious about. But that’s like that for me. From the replies♥ 14 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source They ask you a lot of questions about yourself randomly and just stop talking to you after you tell them source record 224♥ 51 Later-arriving source i always found it weird when first dates would ask about my parents & their careers posted about 38.5 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source They would never talk about themselves o oh want to get information out of me . Learned the hard way that this is a manipulation tactic posted about 34.2 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “asking rapid fire questions” recurs across 2 of the 11 source records in Questions that only go one way; the complete archive stays available below. 11index entries 11distinct source records 37.9%of parent category 1.9%of the complete index 6top-level comments 5replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 3asks a question 0says they intend to try it 8other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments11 preserved records · 11 of 11 source records accounted for **They ask you a lot of questions about yourself randomly and just stop talking to you after you tell them**♥ 51source record 224 **Tbh I sometimes catch myself doing this. For me it’s more because oftentimes I don’t like to talk a lot about unnecessary things and just get to the point and ask certain question I’m curious about. But that’s like that for me.**♥ 14source record 225 **Yeah I’m the same way. Usually there’s a vibe of “this person is just curious” vs the people who do this maliciously don’t have that vibe. One of my coworkers did this to me and later used the information I gave him to try to make fun of me in front of a group of coworkers. It didn’t really land though because how do you make fun of someone who makes music as a hobby**♥ 10source record 226 **I have a family member who does this and it annoys the ever living hell out of me. Constantly messaging me asking specific questions about how I’m doing, my job, my kids, etc. but when i try to be polite and give a typical response to something like “we’re good! and how are you?” “Kids are fine, toddlers are hard! How’s your kid?” “Work is alright, looking forward to a break! How’s it going for you?” she just ghosts the conversation. Then a couple weeks later messages me, ignores my question to ask more about my life. Sometimes she asks more follow up questions too for specific details of things which I try to answer but I find even weirder. I’m pretty close to blocking her tbh.**♥ 3source record 227 **Asking rapid fire questions one after the other while staring at me intently. Feels invasive even when people might mean well**♥ 29source record 324 **Asking rapid fire questions then aggressively passive aggressively guiding you to the answer they want to hear.**♥ 12source record 327 **Someone who trying to get to know you ask simple question that extends to what your family members do for a living? Another is when they do something out of the blue for you randomly.**♥ 6source record 360 **When they answer with another question.**♥ 1source record 477 **Never reciprocating questions. Like if I ask about their childhood, or some question to get to know them more and they NEVER get curious about my answer I know I can’t trust that person for shit**♥ 1source record 631 **i always found it weird when first dates would ask about my parents & their careers**♥ 1source record 660 **They would never talk about themselves o oh want to get information out of me . Learned the hard way that this is a manipulation tactic**♥ 1source record 747 Archive: 11 index entries preserve 11 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Every road leads back to them10 index entriesConversations that reroute to the speaker no matter where they start. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Every road leads back to them Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Every road leads back to them 10 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 359 **Appears when:** Every road leads back to them **What the pattern means:** Conversations that reroute to the speaker regardless of where they start: the one-up, the interruption, the story about themselves offered as a credential. The group carries its own counterpoint — an autistic commenter explains relating by matching stories and asks that it not be read as self-absorption. **What commenters described:** yes! or they try to one-up you. for example “last month i visited CA….” they interrupt you with something like “omg i’ve been to CA once but it was so (negative comments) but we were only there to make a connecting flight to HAWAII .” then proceeds to talk about their hawaii trip lol. something like that. or when you tell them a medical issue or a bone you broke in your wrist and suddenly they’re 5 minutes in on the story where their entire arm got bit off and reconstructed (obviously an example but you get the point 😂) **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 yes! or they try to one-up you. for example “last month i visited CA….” they interrupt you with something like “omg i’ve been to CA once but it was so (negative comments) but we were only there to make a connecting flight to HAWAII .” then proceeds to talk about their hawaii trip lol. something like that. or when you tell them a medical issue or a bone you broke in your wrist and suddenly they’re 5 minutes in on the story where their entire arm got bit off and reconstructed (obviously an example but you get the point 😂) Reported failure♥ 2 yes! or they try to one-up you. for example “last month i visited CA….” they interrupt you with something like “omg i’ve been to CA once but it was so (negative comments) but we were only there to make a connecting flight to HAWAII .” then proceeds to talk about their hawaii trip lol. something like that. or when you tell them a medical issue or a bone you broke in your wrist and suddenly they’re 5 minutes in on the story where their entire arm got bit off and reconstructed (obviously an example but you get the point 😂) Reported failure♥ 2 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Lack of empathy and Self-awareness. source record 311♥ 13 Later-arriving source yes! or they try to one-up you. for example “last month i visited CA….” they interrupt you with something like “omg i’ve been to CA once but it was so (negative comments) but we were only there to make a connecting flight to HAWAII .” then proceeds to talk about their hawaii trip lol. something like that. or when you tell them a medical issue or a bone you broke in your wrist and suddenly they’re 5 minutes in on the story where their entire arm got bit off and reconstructed (obviously an example but you get the point 😂) posted about 38.6 hours after the source♥ 2 Low-like source A lack of interest in experience beyond their own. posted about 32.9 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Across 10 source records, the most common observable tactic structure is “Turn it into a game” (3 records). This is a wording pattern, not a measured outcome. 10index entries 10distinct source records 34.5%of parent category 1.7%of the complete index 7top-level comments 3replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 8other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. #### Observable tactic structures Turn it into a game **3** Counts show source records whose wording matches the tactic structure; biological explanations remain commenter claims unless separately checked below. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments10 preserved records · 10 of 10 source records accounted for **Lack of empathy and Self-awareness.**♥ 13source record 311 **When they dont actually hear what you are saying and just say “yes” and keep talking about themselves… also when they twist every conversation into something about them….. i dont trust them at all, they are too self absorbed to even think about anyone other then themselves**♥ 5source record 358 **yes! or they try to one-up you. for example “last month i visited CA….” they interrupt you with something like “omg i’ve been to CA once but it was so (negative comments) but we were only there to make a connecting flight to HAWAII .” then proceeds to talk about their hawaii trip lol. something like that. or when you tell them a medical issue or a bone you broke in your wrist and suddenly they’re 5 minutes in on the story where their entire arm got bit off and reconstructed (obviously an example but you get the point 😂)**♥ 2source record 359 **Also, anyone who talks about themselves. Describing themselves as if they’re trying to sell their character to you. OR - people who love to tell stories about themselves. Trying to make themselves look tough by telling stories of fights and dumb stuff like that.**♥ 6source record 386 **I work with someone who does this and it's so irritating. And so obvious. Tough people don't do that.**♥ 2source record 387 **When most of their sentences involve either themselves or is a complaint. Double points if both are in the same sentence. Lol**♥ 1source record 593 **One-up ing others**♥ 1source record 623 **Not listening**♥ 1source record 692 **A lack of interest in experience beyond their own.**♥ 1source record 777 **Yes we do:)) It’s how we try to relate to neurotypicals, by relaying similar stories from our prapectives. We also have trouble reading social cues. I have to be told by people around me that I need to stop sometimes. We are quite lonely in a way bc we cant behave like everyone else, we try masking by copying people and their behaviour around us. I cant speak about the fights point, but I thought Id offer you insight into some annoying behaviour that people like us may exhibit. Also we tend to jump into conversations and interrupt people when speaking, which seems unforgivable in the neurotypical world :)))**♥ 1source record 836 Archive: 10 index entries preserve 10 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Talk that manages you8 index entriesSpeech patterns that steer the exchange rather than join it. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Talk that manages you Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Talk that manages you 8 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 605 **Appears when:** Talk that manages you **What the pattern means:** Speech that occupies the exchange rather than joins it: interruption, overtalking, verbosity, corporate register, generalisation, and a question answered with another question. Commenters describe the effect as being handled rather than talked to, and more than one reads the excess wording itself as concealment. **What commenters described:** People who are verbose. I just think they are hiding something in their words or trying to be something they are not... unless they are neurodivergent, and that is more of a nervous thing. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Any kind of corporate-speak. source record 768♥ 1 Later-arriving source Using generalizations posted about 41.9 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Checking their phone while I’m talking to them posted about 29.1 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 8 source records, 1 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 8index entries 8distinct source records 27.6%of parent category 1.4%of the complete index 8top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 7other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments8 preserved records · 8 of 8 source records accounted for **An overtalker.**♥ 2source record 432 **People who are verbose. I just think they are hiding something in their words or trying to be something they are not... unless they are neurodivergent, and that is more of a nervous thing.**♥ 1source record 605 **If they constantly interrupt you or talk too much.**♥ 1source record 677 **when they love to hear themselves talk!! what are you telling other people abt me or my life???**♥ 1source record 720 **Checking their phone while I’m talking to them**♥ 1source record 721 **Using generalizations**♥ 1source record 766 **Any kind of corporate-speak.**♥ 1source record 768 **They talk too much**♥ 1source record 810 Archive: 8 index entries preserve 8 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Pressure, promises and follow-through25 records · 3 sub-topicsWhat happens after you say no, and after they say they will. 25 records. Not taking the first no3 index entriesA refusal treated as an opening offer. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Not taking the first no Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Not taking the first no 3 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 406 **Appears when:** Not taking the first no **What the pattern means:** A refusal treated as an opening position. The records describe the same escalation from different angles — an offer pressed after it was declined, a request repeated until it is easier to agree — and one draws the boundary explicitly: a single courteous check is not the same as insisting. **What commenters described:** When they offer you something, you say “no, thanks” and then they insist. “Have one of my cigarettes,” No thanks, I’ll get my brand inside.” “Dude, have one of my cigarettes” I understand the occasional “you sure? It’s not a big deal” when they think you’re afraid to ask for something. But insisting after a refusal suggests a disregard for another’s agency. It suggests an entitlement to another’s attention or body. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Boundary pushing source record 288♥ 18 Later-arriving source Not taking the first "no" as the only "no." posted about 20.1 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source When they offer you something, you say “no, thanks” and then they insist. “Have one of my cigarettes,” No thanks, I’ll get my brand inside.” “Dude, have one of my cigarettes” I understand the occasional “you sure? It’s not a big deal” when they think you’re afraid to ask for something. But insisting after a refusal suggests a disregard for another’s agency. It suggests an entitlement to another’s attention or body. posted about 2.8 hours after the source♥ 6 #### What the counts show Within 3 source records, 1 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 3index entries 3distinct source records 12%of parent category 0.5%of the complete index 3top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 2other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments3 preserved records · 3 of 3 source records accounted for **Boundary pushing**♥ 18source record 288 **When they offer you something, you say “no, thanks” and then they insist. “Have one of my cigarettes,” No thanks, I’ll get my brand inside.” “Dude, have one of my cigarettes” I understand the occasional “you sure? It’s not a big deal” when they think you’re afraid to ask for something. But insisting after a refusal suggests a disregard for another’s agency. It suggests an entitlement to another’s attention or body.**♥ 6source record 406 **Not taking the first "no" as the only "no."**♥ 1source record 618 Archive: 3 index entries preserve 3 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Promises that did not survive contact12 index entriesCommitments that dissolved between the saying and the doing. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Promises that did not survive contact Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Promises that did not survive contact 12 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 280 **Appears when:** Promises that did not survive contact **What the pattern means:** The gap between what was agreed and what happened. Commenters report repeated flaking, work handled badly enough not to be asked again, and agreements broken while still being affirmed, including exclusivity. The reasoning is uniform across the group: a small commitment not kept is read as a sample of the larger ones. **What commenters described:** Flaking. Every once In a while due to uncontrollable circumstances is one thing, but repeatedly flaking, showing up late, and just plain not doing what they agreed they would do. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 God, I used to be such a huge flake and now I cringe thinking about it. From the replies♥ 1 These people drain the life out. These people are usually pampered babies. I have this guy who constantly “forgets” about things we plan and I have to keep reminding him. On the day of the plan, he “forgets” to tell me he doesn’t want to go because he "CBA". rigghhtt... I even apologised for not reminding him once. That was the fifth time he “forgot”. Then after that I’ve stopped inviting him to anything. If he invites me, I don’t go. Or don’t look at his message. Because I also “forget” to just see his message these days. If we meet outside somewhere common, then I just say “what a coincidence”. This is the same person who constantly complains about not having many friends in a new country, how other people are racists to him 🙄 and complains about how nobody likes the country he came from. He's the definition of someone who wants a village but doesn't want to be a villager. Funniest thing is that he even complains how his doctors are bad. He doesn’t do the things his doctors tell him to do and blames the doctors. L.O.L. Sometimes I play pranks on him, he says “yes” to everything even though he doesn’t wanna do it, so I ask him to go to an event that is 6 months away, he says yes, pays for the ticket. Then he “forgets” about it. I’ve wasted his £150 so far. He talked about getting some furniture afetr he moved houses, I said I have a spare he can use. Then I conveniently "forgot" to tell him about it in the coming days. He also never reached out to me after that. Last time we met, he was still saying how he's still looking for furniture and had to spend money. I said good luck. I just love spinning this guy's head around in the rare cases we meet outside sometimes. He's the type of person to get into things, spend hundreds into this new hobby and leave it after 2 months and then complain about money. So I constantly try and rope him into doing new things 😂. He's convinced and invited a bunch of other people to take part in his new hobby's competition, they're all coming but he recently said he was gonna drop out of it because he's realised that it actually takes effort..... hahahahaha. We used to go to this common club, I had to stop going beacause of personal reasons and he stopped as well. I'm back after many months and met my other friends who still go regularly. All this time he hasn't gone a single time. That really tells me how much of a faker he is. He's waiting for me to invite him. Why would I invite someone to a place where he couldn't be arsed to go at all. Maybe he "forgot" he likes this activity. He complained about not having enough salary to support himself ( he lives alone ) but wants to get married next year and have kids. Absolutely incapable of taking a step back and reflecting on things he does. Guess that's what everyone is like in his country. Goddam Entitled moron. Someone who is more physical needs to smack some maturity to this 26 year old guy. But until then, I really wish he keeps this up and keeps being an AHole to everyone. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Flaking. Every once In a while due to uncontrollable circumstances is one thing, but repeatedly flaking, showing up late, and just plain not doing what they agreed they would do. source record 280♥ 20 Later-arriving source My coworker who I was friendly with was all but sitting in a married VPs lap at a company happy hour. He mentioned his wife at least 3 times while they acted couple-y and I felt like a third wheel so I left and sat with another group. I can't trust someone who would participate in a cheating relationship, even if they're single posted about 40.9 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source He revealed he has children while hitting on women. posted about 34.4 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “actions dont match” recurs across 2 of the 12 source records in Promises that did not survive contact; the complete archive stays available below. 12index entries 12distinct source records 48%of parent category 2.1%of the complete index 11top-level comments 1replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 10other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments12 preserved records · 12 of 12 source records accounted for **Flaking. Every once In a while due to uncontrollable circumstances is one thing, but repeatedly flaking, showing up late, and just plain not doing what they agreed they would do.**♥ 20source record 280 **Weaponized incompetence.**♥ 12source record 318 **When actions dont match words**♥ 9source record 332 **Cheats on their significant other. If you can fuck THAT person over, imagine what you might do to me.**♥ 3source record 398 **They tell me they are “bad at texting”**♥ 2source record 459 **had a catholic step mother for a while as a kid, only really useful thing i can remember her ever saying was "actions speak louder than words" usually when i was in trouble for something, and god forbid i should mention that a single action taken out of context often looks bad.... but i digress... when a person's actions don't match their words/vice versa... i would never harm another living creature, don't bother to hit the breaks for a deer/squirrel/goose... generally if you pay attention you'll catch it really really fast, and saying anything about this discrepancy will only result in conflict, so good luck with that...**♥ 1source record 612 **zero follow through, being flakey, future faking**♥ 1source record 633 **When someone keeps flaking every time. This person is not trustworthy. Surely they don’t flake on everything in their life, if they did then how are they functioning? Drains the energy.**♥ 1source record 679 **I just ended a relationship with a beautiful woman with a disingenuous smile. It bothered me right from the first date, but everything else about her seemed to be genuine and honest. It turned out that, despite explicitly agreeing to be exclusive, she was dating other men the whole time we were together. To her credit, it was her who told me about it, but she was intentionally deceitful, and it hurt that I spent several months investing in our relationship, and that I had a completely a different notion of the nature of relationship. She had the gall to tell me that she’d still like to date me, or if she could call me when she’s ready for a monogamous relationship after she’s done with casual dating. What a narcissist.**♥ 1source record 737 **He revealed he has children while hitting on women.**♥ 1source record 748 **My coworker who I was friendly with was all but sitting in a married VPs lap at a company happy hour. He mentioned his wife at least 3 times while they acted couple-y and I felt like a third wheel so I left and sat with another group. I can't trust someone who would participate in a cheating relationship, even if they're single**♥ 1source record 761 **These people drain the life out. These people are usually pampered babies. I have this guy who constantly “forgets” about things we plan and I have to keep reminding him. On the day of the plan, he “forgets” to tell me he doesn’t want to go because he "CBA". rigghhtt... I even apologised for not reminding him once. That was the fifth time he “forgot”. Then after that I’ve stopped inviting him to anything. If he invites me, I don’t go. Or don’t look at his message. Because I also “forget” to just see his message these days. If we meet outside somewhere common, then I just say “what a coincidence”. This is the same person who constantly complains about not having many friends in a new country, how other people are racists to him 🙄 and complains about how nobody likes the country he came from. He's the definition of someone who wants a village but doesn't want to be a villager. Funniest thing is that he even complains how his doctors are bad. He doesn’t do the things his doctors tell him to do and blames the doctors. L.O.L. Sometimes I play pranks on him, he says “yes” to everything even though he doesn’t wanna do it, so I ask him to go to an event that is 6 months away, he says yes, pays for the ticket. Then he “forgets” about it. I’ve wasted his £150 so far. He talked about getting some furniture afetr he moved houses, I said I have a spare he can use. Then I conveniently "forgot" to tell him about it in the coming days. He also never reached out to me after that. Last time we met, he was still saying how he's still looking for furniture and had to spend money. I said good luck. I just love spinning this guy's head around in the rare cases we meet outside sometimes. He's the type of person to get into things, spend hundreds into this new hobby and leave it after 2 months and then complain about money. So I constantly try and rope him into doing new things 😂. He's convinced and invited a bunch of other people to take part in his new hobby's competition, they're all coming but he recently said he was gonna drop out of it because he's realised that it actually takes effort..... hahahahaha. We used to go to this common club, I had to stop going beacause of personal reasons and he stopped as well. I'm back after many months and met my other friends who still go regularly. All this time he hasn't gone a single time. That really tells me how much of a faker he is. He's waiting for me to invite him. Why would I invite someone to a place where he couldn't be arsed to go at all. Maybe he "forgot" he likes this activity. He complained about not having enough salary to support himself ( he lives alone ) but wants to get married next year and have kids. Absolutely incapable of taking a step back and reflecting on things he does. Guess that's what everyone is like in his country. Goddam Entitled moron. Someone who is more physical needs to smack some maturity to this 26 year old guy. But until then, I really wish he keeps this up and keeps being an AHole to everyone.**♥ 1source record 819 Archive: 12 index entries preserve 12 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Takers, and people who pull you away from others10 index entriesRelationships run at a deficit, sometimes with your other ones cut back. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Takers, and people who pull you away from others Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Takers, and people who pull you away from others 10 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 309 **Appears when:** Takers, and people who pull you away from others **What the pattern means:** Relationships that run at a deficit, and the sharper version in which your other relationships are what is being reduced. Commenters describe warmth that appears only when something is needed, refusal to help with anything small, and — in the most serious records — someone routing your contact with other people through themselves. **What commenters described:** Uncooperative. If they won't help you with a small thing imagine what will happen when a big thing arrives. The opposite may true as well, going overboard and demanding medical information or wanting to go to private appointments like financial stuff with you. A normal balance is what to watch for. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added1 If he needs help, he can go to 12 step. It is not on you to help him. Stay away from people, places and things and he is one. 12 step would also do you well. This time it was the only thing I had not tried and it truly works and has gifted me a life I could never have imagined. Surround yourself with other people who are doing g the work so that you can be the best husband and father that you can be! With support. You’ve got this! Just for today! From the replies♥ 2 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source They try to take more than they give. source record 245♥ 32 Later-arriving source Anyone trying to nudge you away from other people. My aunt, who is my abuser, would do this to me and to others. She would get me away from everyone somehow and close the door and I was trapped. I was really young and never felt like I could say no. It was verbal abuse for years until I was 18 and then it became SA. I don’t trust anyone trying to nudge me away from the group now unless I really know them well and they’re safe. posted about 29.7 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Someone won't let you have his phone number or visit his home. Someone takes too long to answer basic questions like what is your name. Someone gives bad advice. Someone tries to decide for you. Go play yourself then ie in chess when someone tells you where to go. posted about 20.3 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “anyone trying to” recurs across 2 of the 10 source records in Takers, and people who pull you away from others; the complete archive stays available below. 10index entries 10distinct source records 40%of parent category 1.7%of the complete index 10top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 9other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments10 preserved records · 10 of 10 source records accounted for **They try to take more than they give.**♥ 32source record 245 **Uncooperative. If they won't help you with a small thing imagine what will happen when a big thing arrives. The opposite may true as well, going overboard and demanding medical information or wanting to go to private appointments like financial stuff with you. A normal balance is what to watch for.**♥ 14source record 309 **Anyone trying to silo communication through themselves.**♥ 7source record 329 **Feigning kindness to loosen you up so they can use you. I’m dealing with it right now from a fent addict I went to treatment with. Anytime he reaches out to me it’s because he needs something but he’s just using me so he can get high. His behavior is high level scoundrel and I’m really trying to get my life on track for my wife and kids.**♥ 5source record 367 **For me it’s manipulation. I’ve watched my dad become a shadow of his former self, of course he doesn’t see it himself. His partner is actually evil, she’s clearly got some mad issues from her past but it’s resulted in her becoming a massive narcissist. I know people throw that word around but in this case, at least I believe, it’s true. One by one he has been turned against his family, first was my mom, then it was his brothers, then lastly me, my husband and our children. It makes me sick that he can so easily cut us out of his life and not stand up to her/see what she’s doing. She wants him all to herself, and she has succeeded.**♥ 3source record 402 **When they arent a giving person. If theyre a taker.. RUN!!!**♥ 1source record 474 **Asking to borrow money**♥ 1source record 480 **Overt neediness and ready willingness to take advantage of kind, people-pleasing types.**♥ 1source record 596 **Someone won't let you have his phone number or visit his home. Someone takes too long to answer basic questions like what is your name. Someone gives bad advice. Someone tries to decide for you. Go play yourself then ie in chess when someone tells you where to go.**♥ 1source record 619 **Anyone trying to nudge you away from other people. My aunt, who is my abuser, would do this to me and to others. She would get me away from everyone somehow and close the door and I was trapped. I was really young and never felt like I could say no. It was verbal abuse for years until I was 18 and then it became SA. I don’t trust anyone trying to nudge me away from the group now unless I really know them well and they’re safe.**♥ 1source record 628 Archive: 10 index entries preserve 10 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs What they do when it does not count29 records · 3 sub-topicsBehaviour aimed at people and situations that cannot answer back. 29 records. How they treat staff and strangers7 index entriesBehaviour toward people who are paid to absorb it. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: How they treat staff and strangers Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### How they treat staff and strangers 7 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 704 **Appears when:** How they treat staff and strangers **What the pattern means:** Behaviour toward people paid to absorb it, read as the unguarded version. Commenters name servers, bartenders, cashiers and phone staff, and extend it to anyone addressed as though they were below the speaker's station; one widens it to how the person speaks to their own mother. **What commenters described:** The way they speak to cashiers, clerks, on the phone after waiting, etc . Temperament overall I guess **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Treats service workers poorly. source record 260♥ 55 Later-arriving source The way they speak to cashiers, clerks, on the phone after waiting, etc . Temperament overall I guess posted about 26.3 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source How they treat their mothers posted about 7.7 hours after the source♥ 2 #### What the counts show Within 7 source records, 3 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 7index entries 7distinct source records 24.1%of parent category 1.2%of the complete index 7top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 3asks a question 0says they intend to try it 4other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments7 preserved records · 7 of 7 source records accounted for **Treats service workers poorly.**♥ 55source record 260 **Someone talking down to someone because they believe that person is "below their station"**♥ 20source record 285 **When you treat service workers workers like garbage.**♥ 6source record 375 **People who mention that someone comes from a “good family” or “good breeding”.. Snobs and sanctimoneous martyrs.**♥ 4source record 384 **How they treat bartenders and waiters and other people in service industries**♥ 2source record 423 **How they treat their mothers**♥ 2source record 424 **The way they speak to cashiers, clerks, on the phone after waiting, etc . Temperament overall I guess**♥ 1source record 704 Archive: 7 index entries preserve 7 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Carts, litter and the drive home15 index entriesSmall unwitnessed choices read as the whole character. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Carts, litter and the drive home Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Carts, litter and the drive home 15 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 431 **Appears when:** Carts, litter and the drive home **What the pattern means:** Unwitnessed small choices treated as the whole character: the cart left in the parking lot, litter, lane discipline, things not put back. Commenters differ on the weight it carries — one narrows the claim to temperament rather than morality — but agree that the absence of any audience is exactly what makes it informative. **What commenters described:** Moving things. People that don’t put things back where they belong are careless and lazy. They also tend to be messy with their personal space and that leads to them also being unorganized in other areas of their lives. If you’re careless and messy that’s a red flag. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I don't know about telling whether they're a good person, but you can tell a lot about temperament, specifically. From the replies♥ 3 Along the line of this - when you’re driving somewhere following a friend in the car ahead of you, and they drive super fast, generally unsafe. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Leaving a shopping cart in the middle of a parking lot source record 286♥ 39 Later-arriving source Along the line of this - when you’re driving somewhere following a friend in the car ahead of you, and they drive super fast, generally unsafe. posted about 18.0 hours after the source♥ 1 Zero-like source Roadrage can be a sign of narcissism posted about 8.7 hours after the source♥ -1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “a shopping cart” recurs across 2 of the 15 source records in Carts, litter and the drive home; the complete archive stays available below. 15index entries 15distinct source records 51.7%of parent category 2.6%of the complete index 13top-level comments 2replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 14other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments15 preserved records · 15 of 15 source records accounted for **Leaving a shopping cart in the middle of a parking lot**♥ 39source record 286 **Littering.**♥ 14source record 305 **Littering**♥ 8source record 338 **I can tell by how they drive if they are a good person or not.**♥ 5source record 378 **I don't know about telling whether they're a good person, but you can tell a lot about temperament, specifically.**♥ 3source record 379 **Moving things. People that don’t put things back where they belong are careless and lazy. They also tend to be messy with their personal space and that leads to them also being unorganized in other areas of their lives. If you’re careless and messy that’s a red flag.**♥ 2source record 431 **Not returning a shopping cart**♥ 2source record 461 **People who don’t put the shopping cart back in the corral**♥ 1source record 489 **People who spit on the sidewalk and have awful manners all around**♥ 1source record 581 **They don't put their shopping cart away.**♥ 1source record 588 **Purposely signaling last minute so traffic behind them is stuck**♥ 1source record 589 **Driving in the left lane on a highway.**♥ 1source record 592 **When they’re walking in front of you and don’t stop for you to wait up or look back at all. It’s subtle but shows they’re selfish and wait for no one. Also crossing the street but not waiting for you too**♥ 1source record 603 **Along the line of this - when you’re driving somewhere following a friend in the car ahead of you, and they drive super fast, generally unsafe.**♥ 1source record 604 **Roadrage can be a sign of narcissism**♥ -1source record 844 Archive: 15 index entries preserve 15 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Animals, children and people who cannot push back7 index entriesCruelty aimed where there is no cost. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Animals, children and people who cannot push back Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Animals, children and people who cannot push back 7 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 614 **Appears when:** Animals, children and people who cannot push back **What the pattern means:** Cruelty aimed where it costs nothing: harm to an animal, scapegoating a child, an insult about a neurodivergent person delivered in a concerned tone, amusement at something that hurt someone innocent. This is the one place in the corpus where commenters describe the cue as decisive rather than suggestive. **What commenters described:** People who are needlessly unkind to any helpless animals/creatures/humans. I once had a boyfriend who got frustrated and kicked my dog, 😢 it was the beginning of the end. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source When they talk negatively about a Neurodivergent person that is part of their diagnosis. Small comments here and there that don't seem to be harsh, but is an underhanded insult that is masked with a worried tone. source record 320♥ 10 Later-arriving source When they laugh about antisocial behaviour that hurt someone innocent posted about 30.8 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source People who are needlessly unkind to any helpless animals/creatures/humans. I once had a boyfriend who got frustrated and kicked my dog, 😢 it was the beginning of the end. posted about 19.2 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 7 source records, 4 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 7index entries 7distinct source records 24.1%of parent category 1.2%of the complete index 7top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 4asks a question 0says they intend to try it 3other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments7 preserved records · 7 of 7 source records accounted for **Hurting animals**♥ 13source record 312 **When they talk negatively about a Neurodivergent person that is part of their diagnosis. Small comments here and there that don't seem to be harsh, but is an underhanded insult that is masked with a worried tone.**♥ 10source record 320 **People who stomp on bugs for no reason at all**♥ 2source record 421 **When they laugh off mental health**♥ 1source record 602 **People who are needlessly unkind to any helpless animals/creatures/humans. I once had a boyfriend who got frustrated and kicked my dog, 😢 it was the beginning of the end.**♥ 1source record 614 **When they laugh about antisocial behaviour that hurt someone innocent**♥ 1source record 728 **When they often mistreat children. Scapgoating a child is pure evil.**♥ 1source record 813 Archive: 7 index entries preserve 7 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs The animal test31 records · 3 sub-topicsOne of the busiest answers in the thread, and one of the few the thread argued itself out of. 31 records. When a dog did not like them13 index entriesAn animal's reaction taken as a verdict. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: When a dog did not like them Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### When a dog did not like them 13 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 265 **Appears when:** When a dog did not like them **What the pattern means:** An animal's reaction taken as a verdict. The accounts are specific — a dog that suddenly began barking at a familiar visitor, a generally friendly dog that growls at a particular handful of people — and the reasoning offered is that the animal registered something before the owner did. The objections this drew are kept in their own sub-pattern below. **What commenters described:** I can definitely say this is a good way to judge someone. I had a dog that loved when people came to the house. He even loved my girlfriend at the time. But at one point every time she came over, my dog would go crazy barking at her. When she got close to him to pet him, he went running to hide behind the sofa. She was cheating on me during that time and my dog somehow knew something was up with her. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 My dog loves literally everyone but the handful of people she growls at I definitely take note of. From the replies♥ 27 I can definitely say this is a good way to judge someone. I had a dog that loved when people came to the house. He even loved my girlfriend at the time. But at one point every time she came over, my dog would go crazy barking at her. When she got close to him to pet him, he went running to hide behind the sofa. She was cheating on me during that time and my dog somehow knew something was up with her. From the replies♥ 16 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Dog don't like them. source record 264♥ 155 Later-arriving source If my dog doesn't like you, you will NOT be trusted. posted about 40.8 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source If dogs don’t like them… posted about 27.1 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “my dog doesnt like” recurs across 3 of the 13 source records in When a dog did not like them; the complete archive stays available below. 13index entries 13distinct source records 41.9%of parent category 2.3%of the complete index 10top-level comments 3replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 3asks a question 0says they intend to try it 10other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments13 preserved records · 13 of 13 source records accounted for **Dog don't like them.**♥ 155source record 264 **I can definitely say this is a good way to judge someone. I had a dog that loved when people came to the house. He even loved my girlfriend at the time. But at one point every time she came over, my dog would go crazy barking at her. When she got close to him to pet him, he went running to hide behind the sofa. She was cheating on me during that time and my dog somehow knew something was up with her.**♥ 16source record 265 **My dog loves literally everyone but the handful of people she growls at I definitely take note of.**♥ 27source record 267 **Absolutely this one. Dogs and horses are an excellent judge of character.**♥ 2source record 275 **When dogs dont like you.**♥ 7source record 340 **When animals avoid you.**♥ 5source record 356 **My dog doesn't like them**♥ 4source record 361 **A handful of things for me. Any one on their own makes me pay attention, a couple of them together then we can't be friends. I get as far away as possible. 1\. Dogs or small children have a bad reaction to you. 2\. Pushing or goading someone to do something they said they don't want to. 3\. They tell you how honest they are. 4\. It's always someone else's fault in their stories. 5\. Talking about others behind their back...especially when they don't know me. Edited to add the most important thing that will make me nope out of any situation...gut instinct.**♥ 5source record 380 **When dogs don't like them**♥ 4source record 385 **If my dog doesn't like them. He's a great judge of character.**♥ 2source record 443 **Cats not wanting to be around them.**♥ 1source record 485 **If dogs don’t like them…**♥ 1source record 709 **If my dog doesn't like you, you will NOT be trusted.**♥ 1source record 758 Archive: 13 index entries preserve 13 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs People who do not like animals10 index entriesThe stated dislike itself treated as the warning. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: People who do not like animals Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### People who do not like animals 10 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 351 **Appears when:** People who do not like animals **What the pattern means:** Here the stated dislike, not the animal's reaction, is the cue. Cats come up as often as dogs, and the reading offered is an intolerance of something that cannot be controlled. One record widens it from a single statement to a person's whole history with pets, and one narrows it to whether they can say why. **What commenters described:** For me, it's cats specifically. Anyone who has stated they don't like cats has turned out to be narcissistic, downright sociopathic or controlling. Such people cannot stand what they cannot control. These people do like dogs though. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 For me, it's cats specifically. Anyone who has stated they don't like cats has turned out to be narcissistic, downright sociopathic or controlling. Such people cannot stand what they cannot control. These people do like dogs though. From the replies♥ 9 More specifically, their pet history. Some people don't want pets and that's okay, but when I think about my own family's relationship with pets, a lot of things start to make sense. From the replies♥ 3 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source When they don't like animals. Or animals don't like them. source record 350♥ 11 Later-arriving source "no pets on the couch" posted about 35.3 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source They don't like dogs or any animals for that matter. posted about 28.6 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “they dont like cats” recurs across 2 of the 10 source records in People who do not like animals; the complete archive stays available below. 10index entries 10distinct source records 32.3%of parent category 1.7%of the complete index 8top-level comments 2replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 3asks a question 0says they intend to try it 7other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments10 preserved records · 10 of 10 source records accounted for **When they don't like animals. Or animals don't like them.**♥ 11source record 350 **For me, it's cats specifically. Anyone who has stated they don't like cats has turned out to be narcissistic, downright sociopathic or controlling. Such people cannot stand what they cannot control. These people do like dogs though.**♥ 9source record 351 **When they don‘t like dogs. Massive red flag.**♥ 9source record 352 **They don’t like any animals.**♥ 3source record 373 **More specifically, their pet history. Some people don't want pets and that's okay, but when I think about my own family's relationship with pets, a lot of things start to make sense.**♥ 3source record 374 **When they don't like cats and they can't give a reason as to why :)**♥ 4source record 462 **People finding cute animals like pigeons gross**♥ 1source record 482 **They don't like dogs or any animals for that matter.**♥ 1source record 627 **“I don’t like animals”**♥ 1source record 632 **"no pets on the couch"**♥ 1source record 751 Archive: 10 index entries preserve 10 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs The commenters who pushed back on the dog test8 index entriesThe counter-argument, made from inside the same thread. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: The commenters who pushed back on the dog test Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### The commenters who pushed back on the dog test 8 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 271 **Appears when:** The commenters who pushed back on the dog test **What the pattern means:** The most direct disagreement in the corpus, made inside the same thread. The objections are that dogs predict nothing, that rescue dogs carry learned reactions to whole categories of people, that some of the worst people are animal magnets, and — from two commenters — that their own dog dislikes everybody, or dislikes them for reasons that have nothing to do with character. **What commenters described:** As if dogs have some magical power to predict if someone will make you any harm in the future. A red flag for me is when people start distrusting someone based if their dog likes that person. That’s a sign of very low intelligence and critical thinking. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Yeah dogs are definitely not the best judge. Some of the worst people I've known have been animal magnets, and some rescue dogs I've owned have hated black folks and men. From the replies♥ 14 And that's fine, you do you. But I'd never have you in my corner 🤷‍♀️. From the replies♥ 2 #### Where commenters report limits Explicit limit or counterpoint This doesn’t work for me because my dog hates everyone source record 274♥ 2 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Yeah dogs are definitely not the best judge. Some of the worst people I've known have been animal magnets, and some rescue dogs I've owned have hated black folks and men. source record 272♥ 14 Later-arriving source “I like animals more than I like people” yes because you have no social skills or awareness, and you prefer to be around animals because they don’t hold you to a standard and can’t complain about you posted about 45.6 hours after the source♥ 1 Zero-like source I don't like dogs. Well behaved dogs are ok, I guess. But jumpy, smelly, loud dogs just suck. posted about 28.4 hours after the source♥ -1 #### What the counts show Within 8 source records, 0 explicitly report a benefit and 1 explicitly report a limit or failure. These are attributed experiences, not effectiveness data. 8index entries 8distinct source records 25.8%of parent category 1.4%of the complete index 1top-level comments 7replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 1explicitly reports a limit or failure 0asks a question 0says they intend to try it 7other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments8 preserved records · 8 of 8 source records accounted for **I i hate this because i'm great with kids but awful with animals. Lol**♥ 12source record 268 **As if dogs have some magical power to predict if someone will make you any harm in the future. A red flag for me is when people start distrusting someone based if their dog likes that person. That’s a sign of very low intelligence and critical thinking.**♥ 10source record 271 **Yeah dogs are definitely not the best judge. Some of the worst people I've known have been animal magnets, and some rescue dogs I've owned have hated black folks and men.**♥ 14source record 272 **Hitler had pet dogs too..and they loved him.**♥ 3source record 273 **This doesn’t work for me because my dog hates everyone**♥ 2source record 274 **Dogs don’t like me on account of my job, that seems unfair to be discriminated against because I serve the city as the volunteer dog euthanizer.**♥ 1source record 759 **“I like animals more than I like people” yes because you have no social skills or awareness, and you prefer to be around animals because they don’t hold you to a standard and can’t complain about you**♥ 1source record 769 **I don't like dogs. Well behaved dogs are ok, I guess. But jumpy, smelly, loud dogs just suck.**♥ -1source record 846 Archive: 8 index entries preserve 8 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Reading the body instead of the words30 records · 3 sub-topicsCues people said they registered before they could explain them. 30 records. Eyes, smiles and the face that does not match20 index entriesExpression and words arriving out of step. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Eyes, smiles and the face that does not match Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Eyes, smiles and the face that does not match 20 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 741 **Appears when:** Eyes, smiles and the face that does not match **What the pattern means:** Expression and words arriving out of step: a smile that stops before the eyes, a stare that does not move, a face held too long in one position. Commenters describe reading it faster than they can explain it, and the group contains its own corrections — depression, autism and simply the shape of somebody's mouth are all raised as alternative explanations. **What commenters described:** If they have hard eyes. It’s hard to describe, but there are hard eyes and soft eyes. Soft eyes show emotion, they take you in with compassion and dignity. Hard eyes are flat, look at some mugshots. They show no warmth or caring. Like a poker face but with the eyes. They see you and measure you instead of recognizing your humanity. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I had an ex that was extra loud for no reason when we went out for dinner one night in a quiet restaurant. Found out they were cheating on me at the time a couple of weeks later. From the replies♥ 8 Brian Cox the scientist. His non stop smile irks me. To be fair, I think its’ just the shape of his mouth. Nobody can consciously smile that long. From the replies♥ 3 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Certain body language and eye movements. Also excessively loud people in an otherwise calm setting. source record 306♥ 30 Later-arriving source Avoiding eye contact posted about 41.3 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source If they have hard eyes. It’s hard to describe, but there are hard eyes and soft eyes. Soft eyes show emotion, they take you in with compassion and dignity. Hard eyes are flat, look at some mugshots. They show no warmth or caring. Like a poker face but with the eyes. They see you and measure you instead of recognizing your humanity. posted about 33.0 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 20 source records, 2 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 20index entries 20distinct source records 66.7%of parent category 3.5%of the complete index 14top-level comments 6replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 18other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments20 preserved records · 20 of 20 source records accounted for **Certain body language and eye movements. Also excessively loud people in an otherwise calm setting.**♥ 30source record 306 **I had an ex that was extra loud for no reason when we went out for dinner one night in a quiet restaurant. Found out they were cheating on me at the time a couple of weeks later.**♥ 8source record 307 **People who smile non-stop while talking to you. Like… what are you hiding? Why are you so happy? It's suspicious. 😂**♥ 15source record 345 **Brian Cox the scientist. His non stop smile irks me. To be fair, I think its’ just the shape of his mouth. Nobody can consciously smile that long.**♥ 3source record 346 **"air point! Some people just have a Resting Smiling Face, and it somehow triggers our trust issues**♥ 2source record 347 **Dead stare, overcompensating their prowess, and witnessing them breaking promises**♥ 3source record 391 **Smiling but the eyes are cold and piercing**♥ 2source record 418 **I read their face, even a slight twinge I can already feel a shift.**♥ 2source record 430 **When their smile doesn’t reach the eyes, or if they can”t look you directly in the eyes, always scanning over your shoulder.**♥ 2source record 460 **If I'm trying to speak to someone unfamiliar to me and they just will not look me in the eyes. They don't have to have a staring contest but at least several good connections are pretty mandatory for me to get a good feeling for them.**♥ 1source record 583 **Excessive eye-contact 👀.**♥ 1source record 591 **That can just be extreme depression in some cases.**♥ 1source record 646 **Then I need to be more generous. I was thinking of genuinely shitty people leaders I’ve experienced over my career. Look at those in power now in the US government. Wouldn’t trust them as far as I can spit. The neurodivergent person(s) I know are lovely despite not making eye contact.**♥ 1source record 648 **A certain look in their eyes.**♥ 1source record 688 **Shifty eyes**♥ 1source record 722 **If they have hard eyes. It’s hard to describe, but there are hard eyes and soft eyes. Soft eyes show emotion, they take you in with compassion and dignity. Hard eyes are flat, look at some mugshots. They show no warmth or caring. Like a poker face but with the eyes. They see you and measure you instead of recognizing your humanity.**♥ 1source record 741 **I just recently went to an appointment with a doctor with those hard eyes -- it didn't go well**♥ 2source record 742 **not blinking.**♥ 1source record 755 **Avoiding eye contact**♥ 1source record 762 **No eye contact.**♥ -2source record 849 Archive: 20 index entries preserve 20 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Handshakes and physical tells4 index entriesContact read for pressure, grip and intent. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Handshakes and physical tells Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Handshakes and physical tells 4 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 397 **Appears when:** Handshakes and physical tells **What the pattern means:** Physical contact read for intent: the over-firm grip, the second hand laid over yours, the limp handshake, the refusal to meet an eye while shaking. Commenters treat pressure and duration as a message about the exchange that follows, and one adds an explicit exemption for arthritis. **What commenters described:** When you go to shake someone's hand and they over aggressively pump your hand and squeeze really hard, BUT (here is the kicker), they cover your hand with their other hand, at the same time. Like, no. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source When you go to shake someone's hand and they over aggressively pump your hand and squeeze really hard, BUT (here is the kicker), they cover your hand with their other hand, at the same time. Like, no. source record 397♥ 3 Later-arriving source Anyone who won’t look me in the eye while talking to me or has a weak floppy handshake posted about 9.7 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Limp Handshake. Unless they're an older person who has arthritis. posted about 2.6 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 4 source records, 1 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 4index entries 4distinct source records 13.3%of parent category 0.7%of the complete index 4top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 3other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments4 preserved records · 4 of 4 source records accounted for **When you go to shake someone's hand and they over aggressively pump your hand and squeeze really hard, BUT (here is the kicker), they cover your hand with their other hand, at the same time. Like, no.**♥ 3source record 397 **Weak handshake**♥ 2source record 420 **Limp Handshake. Unless they're an older person who has arthritis.**♥ 1source record 475 **Anyone who won’t look me in the eye while talking to me or has a weak floppy handshake**♥ 1source record 812 Archive: 4 index entries preserve 4 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Gut feeling and “energy”6 index entriesA judgement people reported making before they had a reason. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Gut feeling and “energy” Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Gut feeling and “energy” 6 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 236 **Appears when:** Gut feeling and “energy” **What the pattern means:** Judgements people report making before they can account for them, described as energy, a spider sense or a voice. The group is honest about its own standing: one record concedes the reading may be wrong and argues the discomfort was still real enough to act on, and another says the sense only arrived after a while. **What commenters described:** Oh yes, I trust my instincts about people instantly. I’m never usually wrong. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Oh yes, I trust my instincts about people instantly. I’m never usually wrong. From the replies♥ 7 And if you’re “wrong”, it was still an energy you didn’t enjoy so good riddance From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source After a while, you can feel the dark energy almost like a spider sense source record 235♥ 84 Later-arriving source And if you’re “wrong”, it was still an energy you didn’t enjoy so good riddance posted about 31.6 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source Eu não sei mas tenho um sentido de olhar na pessoa… mas escolho acreditar que a pessoa pode mudar. Na vdd meu eu de ontem era assim, agora? Se puder, eu dou uma rasteira no momento que ela pensa em maldade comigo. E acredite! Eu sinto de um jeito que não sei explicar. posted about 30.7 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 6 source records, 1 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 6index entries 6distinct source records 20%of parent category 1%of the complete index 4top-level comments 2replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 1asks a question 0says they intend to try it 5other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments6 preserved records · 6 of 6 source records accounted for **After a while, you can feel the dark energy almost like a spider sense**♥ 84source record 235 **Oh yes, I trust my instincts about people instantly. I’m never usually wrong.**♥ 7source record 236 **My gut feeling I have learned to sense energy and energy doesn’t lie**♥ 8source record 331 **Your gut.**♥ 2source record 436 **And if you’re “wrong”, it was still an energy you didn’t enjoy so good riddance**♥ 1source record 549 **Eu não sei mas tenho um sentido de olhar na pessoa… mas escolho acreditar que a pessoa pode mudar. Na vdd meu eu de ontem era assim, agora? Se puder, eu dou uma rasteira no momento que ela pensa em maldade comigo. E acredite! Eu sinto de um jeito que não sei explicar.**♥ 1source record 727 Archive: 6 index entries preserve 6 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs What the thread admitted about itself37 records · 3 sub-topicsAnswers whose own authors flagged them as unfair, unprovable, or simply a preference. 37 records. Surface markers people knew were unfair25 index entriesAppearance and habit cues their own authors called irrational. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Surface markers people knew were unfair Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Surface markers people knew were unfair 25 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 629 **Appears when:** Surface markers people knew were unfair **What the pattern means:** Cues about appearance and habit whose own authors often flag them as unreasoned — tattoos, socks, shoes, fingernails, emoji use, insisting on the long form of a name. Several are stated as preferences rather than claims, one names the irrationality in the same sentence as the cue, and one is answered on the spot by a tattooed commenter. **What commenters described:** I don’t know why, and I know it’s irrational, but people wearing colored contacts or people with those auto-tinting glasses. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I don't trust grinning preachers at all. I agree that they come across as being as fake as hell. From the replies♥ 2 I cuss…it was off putting to some, especially religious people. From the replies♥ 1 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Being a TikTok detective and saying the husband did it because he's a gemini source record 403♥ 7 Later-arriving source Cishet men with long fingernails. posted about 35.5 hours after the source♥ 1 Zero-like source People who don’t like the Beatles posted about 4.5 hours after the source♥ -2 #### What the counts show Within 25 source records, 7 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 25index entries 25distinct source records 67.6%of parent category 4.3%of the complete index 21top-level comments 4replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 7asks a question 0says they intend to try it 18other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments25 preserved records · 25 of 25 source records accounted for **Being a TikTok detective and saying the husband did it because he's a gemini**♥ 7source record 403 **Not cursing.**♥ 4source record 407 **Cracking their knuckles, neck etc. my trust gets lower with every crunch.**♥ 2source record 450 **A pronounced widow’s peak.**♥ 3source record 463 **Someone that wears mismatch socks**♥ 1source record 481 **Does liking the number of kills in John Wick count? The revenge trope type movies are their cup of tea. Sisu, Nobody, Dexter… I mean I get watching this but liking the number of kill counts in the John Wick … also they’re dependable but I find the character reveal… concerning ? I dunno**♥ 1source record 594 **Phone is always tucked away and face down.**♥ 1source record 624 **I don’t know why, and I know it’s irrational, but people wearing colored contacts or people with those auto-tinting glasses.**♥ 1source record 629 **Was gonna say, for some reason mine is: Christian men with some level of tan, large shiny foreheads, and who smile too much. Which applies to a number of pastors I saw as a kid, but also quite a few of the members across multiple churches I’ve had to attend. I’ve just never liked them from a very young age for some reason and I hated having to shake their hands. Maybe they just read as super fake? Like they aren’t really smiling. Pretty sure they knew after a while that I didn’t like them, probably because I can’t hide my expressions very well and I was probably staring/squinting at them like “you’re suspicious!” and not exactly “real smiling” either (learned the tight, half-grimace white people smile early I guess). They’d talk to my parents and then kinda speed through talking to me.**♥ 1source record 654 **They send me a Kevin Gates motivational meme or send me any kind of Tik Tok**♥ 1source record 691 **Tattoos, especially on face or neck.**♥ 1source record 701 **So I'm untrustworthy because my grandparents initials are tattooed on my shoulder? 🤣🤣🤣**♥ 1source record 702 **Face tattoos**♥ 1source record 713 **When they insist on going by the long version of their name. Guys who insist on Jonathan rather than Jon or Joseph rather then Joe**♥ 1source record 716 **Not using deodorant**♥ 1source record 738 **Cishet men with long fingernails.**♥ 1source record 753 **Tattoos on or above the neck**♥ 1source record 798 **This may be a bad habit on my part but not following the script. I suppose that implies that I’ve already assigned roles or actions/responses to specific themes or scenarios. And I’m not saying i expect people to pass or fail. My only standard is that people respond with the option that makes the most sense. In most cases the most obvious choice is considered normal since thats where logic lives. So when the person seems to avoid it it ends up as a mental note. I wont know for sure if its useful data until the moment arrives where its additional evidence of strange behavior. A long time friend of mine and I have been having communication issues. Either they have reached out and i didnt receive anything or ive responded but they didnt get the update. Because of this we have not been able to reconnect for quite some time. Eventually we make contact and get to hang out. At some point I was on their computer and I figured that maybe I can update my phone number onto their contacts. I switched over the apple and had assumed this would solve our problem since they also had apple. What I encountered next was that their app did not seem to have a function to allow me to add my new number or even a contact. Once I gave up trying to find the function I moved on to see if maybe I could instead update my old contact in case they had it saved under the old info. I type in my name and to my surprise it’s not even my most recent old number. It’s the oldest number I have. I had canceled it years ago because I had this suspicion that my devices and mobile number were compromised. But there it was with my name (not odd) and not only was it active, it was listed as an active business account. I was confused by that since I have never been a business owner. I would not have a need to have something like that (they favor WhatsApp). Yet the strangest detail was the acronym “ANT” right after my info. I was confused why they would save that to my details since it’s not my name and I can’t make heads or tails of what it would even mean. This is where the normal script goes left: I let my friend know that I deleted my old contact details and blocked that number on their device since I had that canceled years ago. I also brought up the odd details like it being a business account as well active. My friend thanked me and I let them know that only my new number would be my ideal form of contact and to block/delete my old number as obsolete. I have been skeptical of technology since I canceled my older number, and they understood. Then I brought up the “ANT”. Mind you we are both of Asian descent so I was really thrown off when I asked them why they had “ANT” saved as my contact detail, and their response was “oh that’s just how I say Asian”… This would be an example of what I mean when I say that they aren’t following the most obvious part of the script. To me this interaction wasn’t normal. I am owning my part in any form of paranoia that I may be developing as I have been unable to trust my environment much these days…but that has got to be way off track from any obvious explanation I can think of. Am I tripping????**♥ 1source record 799 **I don't trust someone who curses in front of me constantly when I'm just meeting them for the first time**♥ 0source record 827 **Red shoes**♥ 0source record 829 **When a person uses excesses Emoji’s when texting. They always turn out to be Cluster B.**♥ 0source record 831 **One time, hit it off with this stranger, we were becoming instant besties. Then they told me they don’t drink water.. just like juice and stuff. What do you mean.. are there more no water people out there?**♥ -1source record 845 **People who don’t like the Beatles**♥ -2source record 850 **Totally overated. I feel. I cringe. My heroes have always been flawed.**♥ 1source record 851 **Tattoos**♥ -2source record 853 Archive: 25 index entries preserve 25 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Politics, flags and group markers6 index entriesGroup signals read as a position on how you will be treated. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Politics, flags and group markers Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Politics, flags and group markers 6 source records **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 445 **Appears when:** Politics, flags and group markers **What the pattern means:** Group signals read as a forecast about how the commenter expects to be treated: political affiliation, national flags, a position on a conflict, a particular word used for women. These records are about affiliation rather than conduct, which is what separates them from the rest of the guide. **What commenters described:** When they (men or women) call women "females." I know that a lot of people use this term and not all of them are "bad" people, but they are not welcomed in my friend circle. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source MAGA, super religious, “alpha male” source record 308♥ 28 Later-arriving source When I see a group of White people with American flags, I go the other way. posted about 32.9 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source If they say support Israel but I guess I would say that is absolutely harmful and they are potentially dangerous. posted about 28.8 hours after the source♥ 1 #### What the counts show Within 6 source records, 2 ask a question and 0 explicitly say they intend to try the idea; neither signal is treated as an outcome. 6index entries 6distinct source records 16.2%of parent category 1%of the complete index 6top-level comments 0replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 4other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments6 preserved records · 6 of 6 source records accounted for **MAGA, super religious, “alpha male”**♥ 28source record 308 **MAGA talk.**♥ 2source record 444 **When they (men or women) call women "females." I know that a lot of people use this term and not all of them are "bad" people, but they are not welcomed in my friend circle.**♥ 2source record 445 **If they say support Israel but I guess I would say that is absolutely harmful and they are potentially dangerous.**♥ 1source record 719 **When I see a group of White people with American flags, I go the other way.**♥ 1source record 776 **MAGAt talk.**♥ 0source record 823 Archive: 6 index entries preserve 6 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs “I don’t trust anyone anyway”6 index entriesAnswers that decline the premise and set trust to off by default. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: “I don’t trust anyone anyway” Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### “I don’t trust anyone anyway” 6 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 222 **Appears when:** “I don’t trust anyone anyway” **What the pattern means:** Answers that decline the premise: trust set to off by default rather than broken by anything in particular. One commenter reframes it as a correction after having been far too trusting; another argues the opposite case, that the isolation of trusting nobody costs more than being let down does. **What commenters described:** It sounds paranoid, but looking back I've been way too trusting. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added1 It sounds paranoid, but looking back I've been way too trusting. From the replies♥ 19 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source I don't trust people in general source record 220♥ 118 Later-arriving source Hmm I don't look at it that way. I automatically don't trust people until I see otherwise 🤣 posted about 24.0 hours after the source♥ 1 Zero-like source I think you can trust anyone when you don’t need them to be anything but what they are. A lot of heartache can come from trusting people but that’s nothing compared to the isolation and stagnation of not trusting anyone. Moving forward requires trust. posted about 9.0 hours after the source #### What the counts show This report keeps all 6 source records for “I don’t trust anyone anyway” together and surfaces traceable examples without converting anecdotes into proof. 6index entries 6distinct source records 16.2%of parent category 1%of the complete index 5top-level comments 1replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 0asks a question 0says they intend to try it 6other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments6 preserved records · 6 of 6 source records accounted for **I don't trust people in general**♥ 118source record 220 **It sounds paranoid, but looking back I've been way too trusting.**♥ 19source record 222 **I automatically don't trust anyone. I just assume everybody is lying and is going to stab you in the back at some point.**♥ 3source record 394 **That little voice in my head. Or Trust no one unless you know them well.**♥ 1source record 601 **Hmm I don't look at it that way. I automatically don't trust people until I see otherwise 🤣**♥ 1source record 693 **I think you can trust anyone when you don’t need them to be anything but what they are. A lot of heartache can come from trusting people but that’s nothing compared to the isolation and stagnation of not trusting anyone. Moving forward requires trust.**♥ 0source record 830 Archive: 6 index entries preserve 6 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Cowardice and folding under pressure19 records · 2 sub-topicsA late-arriving theme whose own thread spent most of its length disagreeing about the word. 19 records. “You cannot trust a coward”13 index entriesReliability treated as a question of nerve rather than intent. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: “You cannot trust a coward” Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### “You cannot trust a coward” 13 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 178 **Appears when:** “You cannot trust a coward” **What the pattern means:** A late answer that reframes trust as a question of nerve rather than intent: someone can be kind, well meaning and genuinely fond of you and still, the argument runs, fold when it matters. Related records name people-pleasing, refusing to take a side, and dropping a friendship under pressure from a partner as the same failure. **What commenters described:** Idk if this qualifies as "harmless" but for me it is Cowardice. You can't trust a coward because regardless of their intent, they will succumb to Fear. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 I don’t think it does qualify as harmless, cowardice can be a hazard in most situations. From the replies♥ 66 Yes. Never. Trust. Pussies. Their fear of being seen and known means they will never show you who they really are. They will mirror you and spend every minute saying "I'm just like you!...You know you, and I'm exactly like you, so you already know me! (\\\*so don't loo too close at who I really am!). If they can't stand up for themselves, be damn certain they will never stand up for your tribe. From the replies♥ 66 #### Where commenters report limits Explicit limit or counterpoint 1000% agreed, unfortunately it’s hard to pinpoint if someone’s an actual coward until a situation serious enough comes up. The thought that someone I could know for years might freeze up or run if my life were in their hands makes me nervous source record 210♥ 2 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source Idk if this qualifies as "harmless" but for me it is Cowardice. You can't trust a coward because regardless of their intent, they will succumb to Fear. source record 178♥ 264 Later-arriving source I might get bashed for this buttt - choosing to live in a gated community. I'm not sure it makes them a bad person. But they're not my kind of person. Perhaps it relates back to the cowardice discussion. posted about 34.7 hours after the source♥ 1 Low-like source I was thinking to myself earlier about some famous quotes about cowardice, harm, etc. What I take from it is: Only good people who are capable of great violence are capable of great mercy. Cowards are obsessed with cultivating a mask of goodness, but lack the courage to stand on business. posted about 29.5 hours after the source♥ 2 #### What the counts show Within 13 source records, 0 explicitly report a benefit and 1 explicitly report a limit or failure. These are attributed experiences, not effectiveness data. 13index entries 13distinct source records 68.4%of parent category 2.3%of the complete index 6top-level comments 7replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 1explicitly reports a limit or failure 0asks a question 0says they intend to try it 12other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments13 preserved records · 13 of 13 source records accounted for **Idk if this qualifies as "harmless" but for me it is Cowardice. You can't trust a coward because regardless of their intent, they will succumb to Fear.**♥ 264source record 178 **Yeah, youre right. Ig I moreso meant that someone can be genuinely kind, loving, and have truly good intentions and I still cannot trust them if I believe them to be a Coward. If that makes sense**♥ 41source record 180 **Yes. Never. Trust. Pussies. Their fear of being seen and known means they will never show you who they really are. They will mirror you and spend every minute saying "I'm just like you!...You know you, and I'm exactly like you, so you already know me! (\\\*so don't loo too close at who I really am!). If they can't stand up for themselves, be damn certain they will never stand up for your tribe.**♥ 66source record 182 **The world isn’t made up of good people and bad people, it’s made up of cowards and non-cowards and the cowards are capable of the most horrible and disgusting things.**♥ 24source record 196 **So glad I am seeing this. I avoid and judge cowards, even the nice ones, and I feel like an asshole - because most people view the fear within cowardice as sympathetic enough to stick it out with them, I feel like an outlier. The truth is that I have very little sympathy towards them, because I know so many brave people with issues, (anxiety, lacking in resources) who still manage to display loyalty. Every time a coward tries to tell me their issues (usually caused by cowardice, which leads them into a spiral of explaining their own vulnerability - especially people rightfully judging them) I manage a straight face, but feel kind of disgusted.**♥ 3source record 202 **Fear is a trigger to action and a healthy recognition of danger is important but I agree people who panic or spin out easily make me uneasy. You know that if shit gets real that person is a no-help liability who might even get you killed. I have thought about this a lot over the years because whenever someone spins out I feel a strong urge to snap them out of it with a hard slap. Probably something to do with how I was raised but it feels almost primal.**♥ 5source record 203 **1000% agreed, unfortunately it’s hard to pinpoint if someone’s an actual coward until a situation serious enough comes up. The thought that someone I could know for years might freeze up or run if my life were in their hands makes me nervous**♥ 2source record 210 **I was thinking to myself earlier about some famous quotes about cowardice, harm, etc. What I take from it is: Only good people who are capable of great violence are capable of great mercy. Cowards are obsessed with cultivating a mask of goodness, but lack the courage to stand on business.**♥ 2source record 211 **“I don’t like picking sides” … well you do, you’re just afraid of saying so**♥ 5source record 377 **Someone who said “sorry we cant be friends anymore because my gf/bf can’t deal with our friendship!! I think people like that would push you off a sinking boat to save themselves no matter what!**♥ 2source record 413 **People who let other people walk all over them, I just can’t. Somewhere there is a lacking in moral compass, and it’s about self respect. If you can’t respect yourself I absolutely don’t trust that you can respect me**♥ 2source record 417 **People pleasing tendencies. I don’t trust anyone who puts others before themselves. They’re never saying how they really feel, and I worry about what lies behind the mask**♥ 2source record 440 **I might get bashed for this buttt - choosing to live in a gated community. I'm not sure it makes them a bad person. But they're not my kind of person. Perhaps it relates back to the cowardice discussion.**♥ 1source record 749 Archive: 13 index entries preserve 13 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs Fear is not the same as cowardice6 index entriesThe immediate objection to the answer above it. Source-backed index report #### Pattern card naming the behaviour, what commenters reported noticing, how they said they distinguished it, and what the thread disputed: Fear is not the same as cowardice Source-backed answers are shown before diagnostics; the complete source archive remains below. #### Fear is not the same as cowardice 6 source recordsDiscussed **Evidence Status:** Community-reported impression; not independently verified**Representative Source Record Id:** 204 **Appears when:** Fear is not the same as cowardice **What the pattern means:** The immediate objection, from inside the same thread. Commenters separate fear from cowardice, note that a fear of being seen does not make somebody untrustworthy, raise neurological conditions as an alternative explanation, and — in one record — turn the cue back on the language the original answer was written in. **What commenters described:** Fear and Cowardice are far from the same thing. Fear can reveal much and serve you and your loved ones well. However, the Fear of a Coward doesnt serve them but rather it is the Coward that is beholden to their Fear. Im sure youd agree that theres some mfs out there without a healthy sense of Fear and that shit can also get them and you killed. **Limit:** Reported impression only. Commenters describe what made them uneasy; nothing in the thread shows the behaviour predicts dishonesty, and this is not a test to run on anyone you know. What the replies added2 Yeah, youre right. Ig I moreso meant that someone can be genuinely kind, loving, and have truly good intentions and I still cannot trust them if I believe them to be a Coward. If that makes sense From the replies♥ 41 It's hyperbole. I'm OK with being ill-mannered if it makes the point. From the replies♥ 10 #### Source-record spotlights Most engaged source I don’t think it does qualify as harmless, cowardice can be a hazard in most situations. source record 179♥ 66 Later-arriving source A fear of being seen. I have this in some circles. It doesn't itself make you untrustworthy. posted about 2.6 hours after the source♥ 2 Low-like source What if I still have a fear of being seen but I can still me (awkward and all). I can’t pretend to be other people nor do I want to posted about 2.0 hours after the source♥ 3 #### What the counts show The exact phrase “a fear of being seen” recurs across 2 of the 6 source records in Fear is not the same as cowardice; the complete archive stays available below. 6index entries 6distinct source records 31.6%of parent category 1%of the complete index 0top-level comments 6replies #### What commenters explicitly report 0explicitly reports a benefit 0explicitly reports a limit or failure 2asks a question 0says they intend to try it 4other source context These buckets are a deterministic partition based on explicit phrasing in the source text; they are not sentiment scores or effectiveness findings. **Reading limit:** Counts show source-record support for this index node. Explicit language and exact-phrase rules do not establish uniqueness, semantic exhaustiveness, or effectiveness. Browse the original comments6 preserved records · 6 of 6 source records accounted for **I don’t think it does qualify as harmless, cowardice can be a hazard in most situations.**♥ 66source record 179 **Could have neurological disorders, too narrow of a judgement**♥ 10source record 183 **What if I still have a fear of being seen but I can still me (awkward and all). I can’t pretend to be other people nor do I want to**♥ 3source record 184 **A fear of being seen. I have this in some circles. It doesn't itself make you untrustworthy.**♥ 2source record 186 **...I also do not trust those that call others "pussies". They are either an ill-mannered child or an idiot.**♥ 11source record 188 **Fear and Cowardice are far from the same thing. Fear can reveal much and serve you and your loved ones well. However, the Fear of a Coward doesnt serve them but rather it is the Coward that is beholden to their Fear. Im sure youd agree that theres some mfs out there without a healthy sense of Fear and that shit can also get them and you killed.**♥ 9source record 204 Archive: 6 index entries preserve 6 distinct source records · Every displayed synthesis count resolves to source-record IDs How this catalog was built **How this guide is organized** The complete source archive contains all 855 captured comments. 577 of them name a behaviour and are cited by 49 visible reviewed pattern cards across 15 themes. The remaining 278 are reactions, questions, asides and off-topic replies; they stay in the labelled source archive and are not credited as answers. Every pattern that drew an objection inside the thread carries that objection beside it. Source: Reddit comments — 1 thread, 855 comments (361 top-level, 494 replies) ## Selected comments from the discussion This export carries real like counts and timestamps. The first 18 are the most resonant on-topic top-level comment from each stage of the discussion, ranked by resonance within their arrival-time cohort so later arrivals are not penalised for having had less time to accumulate likes. The last 6 received no likes at all and were chosen for the specificity of what they describe. When people take small jabs at you in jest. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 490 Lying about little things that dont matter. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 777 MAGA, super religious, “alpha male” most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 28 When you tell them you’re hurt by something they did and not only are you ignored, but you’re then gaslit and made out to be like you’re the one who did something wrong - to them. Blows my mind. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 34 When you heard them lie before and catch them in another lie. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 12 Chronically blaming others, never apologizing, never taking responsibility most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 17 People who talk shit to me about others. You aren’t special. You aren’t an exception. Even if you think you’re friends—they talk shit about you. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 38 Lack of empathy and Self-awareness. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 13 They somehow have a connection/know everyone. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 9 Gossiping about other people and disclosing their personal information. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 10 Emotional immaturity most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 6 Not returning a shopping cart most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 2 Someone who has a positive remark about everything. Or someone who is happy all the time. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 1 If my dog doesn't like them. He's a great judge of character. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 2 Regularly repeating things you or other friends say to them to other people without care for discretion. Malicious or not, actually private or not, the need or compulsion to do it indicates they aren’t trustworthy. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 2 Cracking their knuckles, neck etc. my trust gets lower with every crunch. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 2 Effusive charm, especially in men. most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 1 Charming,I do tend to be wäre first most resonant in its arrival cohort♥ 1 I think you can trust anyone when you don’t need them to be anything but what they are. A lot of heartache can come from trusting people but that’s nothing compared to the isolation and stagnation of not trusting anyone. Moving forward requires trust. no likes — selected for specificity People who say they're scared of being seen as a bad person. Like it's something you become labeled as in high school. Actually being a bad person should scare you more. no likes — selected for specificity I don't trust someone who curses in front of me constantly when I'm just meeting them for the first time no likes — selected for specificity Being extremely charming. A lot of people view that as a good thing. To me it sets off alarm bells. no likes — selected for specificity When a person uses excesses Emoji’s when texting. They always turn out to be Cluster B. no likes — selected for specificity When they call themselves kind or decent no likes — selected for specificity ## How the discussion breaks down Relative volume of distinct source-backed records across every reviewed category in this corpus. ### Lying about things that did not matter 71 distinct coded comment records 4 normalized answers ### Too much, too fast 71 distinct coded comment records 6 normalized answers ### Jokes that carry a jab 58 distinct coded comment records 5 normalized answers ### Talking about people who are not there 52 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### Never their fault 44 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### Advertising your own goodness 41 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### What the thread admitted about itself 37 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### The animal test 31 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### Reading the body instead of the words 30 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### Conversations that only run one way 29 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### What they do when it does not count 29 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### Announcing that you can be trusted 28 distinct coded comment records 2 normalized answers ### Pressure, promises and follow-through 25 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ### Cowardice and folding under pressure 19 distinct coded comment records 2 normalized answers ### A different person in every room 12 distinct coded comment records 3 normalized answers ## The thread kept arguing with itself This thread does not settle. 494 of its 855 records are replies (58%), and a large share of them exist to argue with the answer directly above them. The pattern is consistent enough to be a finding in its own right: nearly every widely-liked cue in this corpus drew a reply from somebody who does the thing, or who thinks the cue proves nothing. **13 records are people recognising themselves.** Under the complaint about teasing, one commenter answers: *“It's different when I do it. Its my love language for when I know you well.”* Under passive aggression: *“I’m passive aggressive unknowingly, probably just no inhibition when speaking from my adhd”* Under oversharing: *“I do this, but it’s autism.”* Under the interrogation complaint: *“Tbh I sometimes catch myself doing this. For me it’s more because oftentimes I don’t like to talk a lot about unnecessary things and just get to the point and ask certain question I’m curious about. But that’s like that for me.”* **Other records contest the cue itself.** The animal test drew the sharpest reply in the corpus — *“As if dogs have some magical power to predict if someone will make you any harm in the future. A red flag for me is when people start distrusting someone based if their dog likes that person. That’s a sign of very low intelligence and critical thinking.”* — and a plainer one: *“This doesn’t work for me because my dog hates everyone”* The changing-personality answer drew the same treatment: *“Everyone does this. You act differently around your boss than you do around your friends, and differently around your friends than you do around your mom. I guess if you’re telling your boss how much you love golf and your friend walks in and you start talking about how much you hate golf, that’s suspicious. But most of the time, it’s normal social calibration.”* And one commenter simply rejected the whole exercise: *“Most of these are just people being awkward 😂 Came to learn something. Left with less than nothing bc a majority of these are silly”* That is why the sub-patterns below keep the objections beside the answers rather than under them. Two of the 49 sub-patterns exist only to hold pushback — *Fear is not the same as cowardice* and *The commenters who pushed back on the dog test* — and a third, *Explanation, not excuse*, holds the argument about whether a reason for a behaviour changes what it costs the people around it. Browse the original comments855 audited comments and replies PreviousNext Dataset, coverage, and methodology 855 comments read and classified 577 records naming a behaviour 15 themes the answers fall into 494 of the records are replies ## How this was counted The working unit is a comment record, not a person and not a distinct behaviour. All 855 canonical comments from this one thread (361 top-level, 494 replies) were read in four passes and each was assigned to exactly one sub-pattern or one exclusion bucket. 577 records name a behaviour that made the commenter stop trusting someone, and all 577 appear in the complete index below. The other 278 break down as agreements, jokes and emoji with no cue in them (151), questions and definitional exchanges (36), personal asides that name no cue (33), advice or sympathy offered to another commenter (21), off-topic tangents (13), fragments and bare links (8), commentary about the thread itself (7), arguments about somebody else's answer that name no cue of their own (5), and records that address another account by name (4). 577 counts classified comment records, not distinct behaviours. Repeats were deliberately kept: 34 records name gossip, 13 say a dog disliked the person, and each stays its own row rather than being merged into one. Heart counts are the raw numbers as captured. The first hour of this thread holds 55.9% of all its hearts, so a ranking by raw hearts would mostly rank arrival time; the themes below are ordered by how many records they hold, not by popularity. Nothing here is verified beyond what people typed. These are reported impressions, not findings about behaviour, and a number of the cues are disputed inside the thread by the people replying to them. Read it as a record of what a crowd said unsettles them — not as a way to assess anyone you know.